


Looking beyond

by Rainmaker



Series: Looking beyond [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Constantly under revision, Death, Domestic Violence, F/M, It gets a lot heavier, My First Work in This Fandom, Nightmares, PTSD, Sex, Slow Burn, Trauma, Vomiting, Work In Progress, please be kind
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:14:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 51
Words: 53,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25107568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainmaker/pseuds/Rainmaker
Summary: Sara’s life isn’t always a happy one but she stands by her convictions to support the Scout Regiment.No matter what it costs her.
Relationships: Erwin Smith & Original Female Character(s), Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Female Character(s), Nanaba/Mike Zacharias
Series: Looking beyond [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1937626
Comments: 96
Kudos: 107





	1. Tea and secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly this just started out as a ‘I just want a nice girl for Levi’ as I love my sinnamon roll... But then I thought about adding some twists and turns.  
> Suddenly there’s sex, politics and tragedy! Sorry Levi! It’s never easy!
> 
> Comments welcome! Seriously...I need help!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A friend drops in on Erwin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set a while after birth of Levi/No Regrets with Levi settling in as one of Erwin’s right hands.

Erwin was just wrapping up his briefing when there was a knock on the door. Honestly, he was grateful for the interruption. He knew, for all Levi’s newfound loyalty and begrudging respect, the man had stopped paying full attention a while ago. The ridiculous intricacy of interior politics must have seemed so petty to him.

“We’ll finish this later." He watched as Levi visibly tried to hide his relief. “Come.”

Mike opened the door. “You have a visitor.” His tone was mildly amused.

Levi turned to see a woman hesitantly stepped in. She was a pretty thing, bright-eyed and keen looking with her hair twisted in a complicated way, high on her head. Her heavy cloak concealed whatever else there was to see beyond her small hands which were clutching a basket.

“Hello Erwin.”

“Sara! What a surprise!” Erwin greeted, stepping from behind his desk to come to her, gently placing a hand on her shoulder. “I haven’t seen you in quite some time.”

She beamed up at him. “It’s good to see you. I’m sorry I can’t stop, I just wanted to give you these before you leave.”

She gestured to her basket, lifting it to him. She glanced at Levi and, for just one moment, her cheerful expression faltered, looking almost suspicious, before looking back up to Erwin. The smile was back on her face as she waved off his gratitude.

“Hopefully I’ll see you when you get back. Take care!” She nodded to Levi and gave the same to Mike with a wave. “Gentlemen,” she said as she dismissed herself and left as quick as she had arrived.

When Mike returned, having seen Sara out before Erwin had even finished putting the basket on his desk, his nose was twitching. “She always brings the best.”

“Indeed,” Erwin agreed, pulling bread, cheese, and cured meats out.

“Nice to have such a doting family. Does she tuck you in too?” Levi said, almost sneering.

“Careful or I won’t let you try the tea,” he replied pulling out a bag. “Not family, just a friend.” He opened it and reached in. “A very good friend.”

He pulled out several sheets of folded paper, opening to show writing, small but clear; a wealth of information. It took Levi a moment to understand what he was seeing.

“She’s your spy.”

Erwin’s head tilted slightly. “Nothing here is classified, merely... provocative. Recent alliances and changes in viewpoints. New routes and methods. Even the conduct of a few officers.”

Mike grunted, “I’ll get the water for the tea.” From experience, he knew they were in for a long afternoon. Whatever was on those sheets would need analysis and discussion. At least the food and drink were good.

“So she’s just a nosy brat? Why the secrecy?”

Erwin gave Levi a meaningful look. “You know supporting the Scout Regiment can be difficult, even dangerous, and knowing who your allies are in advance can save a lot of time and effort. Sara has always supported us and our goals beyond the walls. She risks a great deal in helping us.”

Levi gave a dismissive look in return. He could tell immediately that she was well off, the quality of her cloak showed that if nothing else. Probably a high born lady with too much time on her hands. What could a pampered princess like her be risking? A slap on the wrist?

“You’ll like her when you get to know her.”

Erwin laughed out loud at the dead stare he received in reply.

  
x-x-x-x-x

Banner/mood board

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/629714961247223808>

Random chapter/character facts 

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/65984410>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just FYI I hear Levi in Matthew Mercer's voice but input taken from the manga as well as the sub and dub


	2. On the road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Erwin’s squad stop for the night they are greeted by a familiar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more. Sorry if it’s all a little slow. 
> 
> Warning: domestic abuse (Not graphic)

Sara was in the stables when she heard the call of riders approaching. It wasn’t unusual for the military patrols to stop by in the evenings, especially from the Garrison, to request a few supplies or a place to rest or even just to speak to her husband Jacob. Her grandparents had always insisted the manor stay open to visitors beyond their own hunting parties and maintained a staff year round to ensure those passing through would have shelter. It was a tradition Sara had fought to continue.

Expecting to see the red rose, Sara was surprised when she didn’t and couldn’t help but smile at Zoe Hange, who was waving her hands and calling.

“Hey! You’re here! This is wonderful!” Zoe was shouting and barely stopped her horse before jumping down and hugging Sara tight.

“Hello Zoe. Everyone, welcome,” Sara greeted, nodding to the squad. It was good to see Erwin and the others again. A few new faces had joined them as well as familiar including the sullen-looking man she had seen before in passing.

“I have so much to tell you about my research! I must tell about the sample of Titan saliva I was able to collect...” She was already talking a mile a minute when Jacob joined the group. Sara could already feel her husband’s disapproval even as Erwin went to meet him with cordiality.

Jacob acknowledged him with obvious reluctance. “Will you be staying long?”

“Just the night if you’ll allow it, my Lord? We’ll continue in the morning.”

Jacob grunted, dismissive. “Just don’t make too much noise.” With that, he turned on his heel and headed back but not before giving Sara a long, weighted look.

When Zoe had taken a quick pause to breathe, Sara quickly interrupted, “Let’s get you sorted hmm?”

—————————————————-

All settled into the bunkhouse with a few introductions made, Sara joined the squad for dinner, though her husband kept well away. Hange was still talking, though mostly one-sidedly to Sara, frustrating some of the others at their table.

“Will you just shut up already?”

It was the first time Levi had spoken all evening and, after a beat, Sara smiled apologetically. “I hope you don’t mind. I find it fascinating.”

Hange had taken a mouthful of her now cold dinner and pointed, using her fork, gesturing “see?!”

“Great. Another freak.”

Sara just kept her smile and shrugged. “Better to know the enemy.”

Not for the first time, Levi wanted to sneer at her. He was certain this princess had never even seen a Titan.

‘What did she know about any of it?’ he thought.

Turning the conversation quickly, Erwin simply said, “Right” before Hange could start again. “I wanted to thank you for your recommendations for our gear.”

“Oh! The Marstons helped with it. Did it work? Did it make the straps more secure?”

Quickly, the conversation turned to a discussion about the ODM gear and equipment which took over the rest of the evening before the room retired to bed. Levi sat watching throughout, bewildered at why such a highbrow brat would care so much about leather maintenance.

———————————

Erwin always found the morning came too quickly after a night in a comfortable bed. Fed and washed, the squad had readied themselves to leave but Erwin and Hange had found themselves dragging their feet a little. Sara had yet to make an appearance and they wanted to say goodbye. One of the young servants explained that she was “indisposed” but the lad had seemed so uncomfortable they couldn’t have pressed the matter.

Hange looked to Erwin who shook his head sadly.

“Time to move out," he said, getting onto his horse and nodding to the group.

Hange mounted up but as they began to turn their horses away, they heard someone running towards them.

Slightly out of breath, Sara stopped beside them, smiling up at them. “Have a safe journey.”

She could feel their stares, the bruise on her face was stark against her pale skin but she held her head high and met Erwin’s gaze steadily.

“Until next time,” he returned after a moment.

“I’ll...” Hange swallowed hard, then returned Sara’s smile. “I’ll write again soon! So much to learn Sara! So much to learn!”

Sara gave a small chuckle and gently waved as her friends turned to lead the squad, Levi waiting at the front. Even from the distance, she could feel his eyes on her and she nodded to him, surprised when he nodded back.

x-x-x-x-x-x

Banner/mood board

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/630306545217978369>

Random chapter/character facts 

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/65985109>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep our OC is married to a real piece of work


	3. A treasured gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A gift for Hange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little one this time

Hange had been fluttering about Scout headquarters for the last couple of hours, bothering whoever would listen and it was starting to piss Levi off.

He’d seen her drool at the idea of Titans, shriek with joy at spotting one on an expedition even at a distance, fuss with abandon over a new idea or concept about their biology.

But this was about a letter and a microscope. And it had nothing to do with Titans at all as far as he could tell.

“It’s just so wonderful! What you see through the scope is so much clearer. Oh, it’s just brilliant!”

“Make her stop before I do,” Levi said to Erwin.

Erwin smiled fondly. “She’s just a little excited about her new toy. It’s been a while since we’ve had any developments in that equipment. She knows to appreciate it.” He nodded to himself. “Between the ODM improvements and this, we’ll have to work hard to prove its worth.”

Levi frowned at the implication. ‘We work plenty hard,’ he thought.

“You got any paper? I ran out yesterday. Got to write a thank you note!” Hange continued.

Erwin nodded, pointing, “In there.”

“A thank you note.”

The disbelieving tone pulled Hange up short. “Of course! Sara would have had it commissioned! Such beautiful work! A true craftsman would have spent hours...”

Off she went, still singing praises, leaving Erwin and Levi behind. Erwin chuckled at her retreating back, while Levi crossed his arms.

“Must be nice to be able to throw that kind of coin around.”

Erwin smile dropped, suddenly cold. “Makes you wonder what she had to do to get it.”

They walked on in a stony silence leaving Levi to consider his words. He recalled Sara’s lavish clothes, graceful manners, and the high-quality foods they’d eaten at the manor. 

He remembered her smiling face, marked with a large bruise.

It took him a long time to shake the image.

x-x-x-x-x-x

Banner/mood board 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/630307743922782208>

Random chapter/character facts 

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/65986573>


	4. 12 Chimneys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi learns a few more secrets from behind closed doors and a little more about the secret keeper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the beginning of a 'getting to know you' arc. 
> 
> Just to clarify it's still before the fall of wall Maria (don't worry we'll get to that) so I'm sorry the timeline is slightly warped to give more time for Levi to get to know everyone and to have been on a few expeditions.
> 
> Feedback welcome!

“What are you doing with that?” Levi had barely entered the office before asking.  
  
It was a rather sharp question, though Erwin could understand Levi’s tone. The records from their last expedition of those lost or injured and discharged had already been sent to the central command as well as the notifications and condolences to families. Seeing the papers on Erwin’s desk again was odd, especially with Hange there, looking like she was doodling in the corners.  
  
Erwin considered him for a moment before saying, “We’re adding notes to the copies we have before we send them off for storage.”  
  
Levi’s eyes narrowed. That wasn’t the whole truth.  
  
Hange shrugged. “It’s a touchy subject but you might as well tell him.”  
  
Erwin gave a heavy sigh, his face showing a rare moment of sadness and deep pain. “The records we send to command have a habit of being… misplaced.”

Levi seethed. “Those men sacrificed-”

“They simply don’t prioritize the dead,” Erwin interrupted his justified rage, holding up a hand, then he gestured to Hange and himself. “We have started a protocol that after the official record is sent, an additional one is made and sent to a separate location, somewhere… out the way.”

Levi read between the lines. “Somewhere off the record?”  
  
“After an expedition has gone badly, with high casualty numbers, as I don’t need to tell you, people tend to be resentful, angry, even violent. This way the records stay as safe as they can.”  
  
“Why not let him take this batch?” Hange suggested, gesturing the piles of paper. “Maybe he should see the rest too?”  
  
Erwin took a moment to consider, then nodded. “Its been a while since you took some time off right?”

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

‘Time off my ass,’ Levi thought as he rode out the following morning, using the directions given him. It felt so strange to be out of uniform now. At least this task gave him something to focus on, the satchel and all it contained were safe and secure within his supplies and changes of clothes. Erwin had given him very few details, saying it be better for him to see for himself, though had said the whole trip would be a couple of days with the travel and he would first need to go to a “guide”.  
  
“Take your time.” Erwin had said.  
  
‘Waste of time more like,’ Levi had thought, but he was unable to deny he was curious. Once his anger had cooled, he had understood the need for the additional records and their want of discretion but he had been confused and intrigued by what more there could be to see.  
  
He arrived at one of the larger buildings situated in the town. It was a warehouse with a store and, after securing his horse, he knocked on the door of the house to the right as instructed.  
  
“May I help you?” asked a young maid, barely more than a child.  
  
“Yeah, take me to whoever is in charge here. Now.”  
  
The girl cowered slightly at his tone before letting him in. “This way sir.”  
  
‘Let’s get this over with.’ Levi didn’t want to be away from his precious cargo any longer than he had to be. The maid led him to a room at the back of the property and opened the door.  
  
“My Lady, there’s someone to see-”  
  
“OUT!”  
  
There was a woman, stood with her back to them, naked from the waist up, obviously in the middle of washing herself, washcloth and hands clutched to her chest to hide her modesty.  
  
Levi would have been thoroughly amused at Sara’s flustered response if it hadn’t been for the large scars crisscrossing her back.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

After being led into the different room and a few minutes of overhearing her gently admonish the young girl, a fully dressed Sara stepped into the room, still a little pink in her cheeks.  
  
“Apologies for the wait sir.”  
  
Levi grunted, “Erwin sent me with a message.” He handed over the small missive from his pocket.  
  
“Thank you. I suppose it’s…” She read further, surprised. “I’m to show you around Chimneys? Very well,” Sara said, nodding slowly, contemplating.  
  
“Nina?” she called towards the door to the maid and when the girl appeared said, “Have Timothy ready my horse. Tell him I’m riding for 12 Chimneys. Have him add some supplies.”  
  
Sara turned her attention back to Levi. “I’ll have some food sent through to you. I’ll make my preparations immediately. We should get there by mid-afternoon.”  
  
He didn’t answer as she swept back out the room and a few minutes later the maid reappeared with a tray of simple foods and a pot of tea.  
  
He could smell the brewing aroma and remembered Mike saying, “She always brings the best.”  
  
Resentful as he may be for it, he couldn’t deny the truth of those words. He made himself comfortable in an elegant chair, wondering how long a pampered brat like her would take to get ready ...and whether it would allow him time for a second pot.  
  
Surprisingly it wasn’t long before they were ready to go, certainly a lot sooner than Levi had expected, but stepping out they were met by a weasely looking man who’d just arrived, climbing down from his horse.  
  
“Lady Huber.” It was said as a warning.  
  
“Mr. Maiyer,” she acknowledged though obviously looking to dismiss him immediately. “I’m sorry I’m just on my way-”  
  
“Lord Huber wouldn’t like this, Madam.”  
  
Sara stopped and, head held high, give him a scathing look. “Would he not?” she replied with fake innocence.  
  
“Your safety is his highest priority.”  
  
Sara couldn’t help it. “HA!” She shook her head. “I imagine under Corporal Levi’s care I have little to fear…” she gestured to Levi who was tending to his horse. He gave Maiyer a cold, intimidating look. Sara paused, considering. “But if you must insist on a chaperone you can come along as well.”  
  
“Lady Hube-”  
  
“I am leaving Mr. Maiyer,” Sara interrupted. “You either leave me… _unescorted_ or you don’t. My husband does not return for another three days and I am not waiting. I will deal with him, if I have to, when I return.”  
  
Maiyer scowled, frustrated. It seemed like he’d been through this before and knew the battle was lost. “Very well,” he said and went to get back on his horse, struggling slightly as it fussed.  
  
An older man brought Sara her horse and she attached the larger satchel she was carrying over her basic supplies. She got on smoothly, experience showing, noting Levi’s gaze.

“It’s a couple of hours ride but not all by road.” She gave a small, cheeky smile. “I hope you can keep up.”  
  
  


x-x-x-x-x-x

Banner/mood board 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/630310504507801600>

Chapter/character facts

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/65987302#workskin>


	5. The books of the dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At 12 Chimneys Levi finds some familiar faces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This bit of character development mostly came from the question of what happens to the medically discharged soldiers and so we get a bigger introduction to Sara's work.

12 Chimneys was a large, sprawling property beyond the imposing main building; a servant’s quarters, bunkhouse, and a substantial stable. The attached farm showed a variety of produce and chickens roamed in a fenced area. It was all tended to by a good number of people, some of whom had surprisingly familiar faces.  
  
“Corporal Levi!”  
  
Noah Weber was waving at him, smile wide. It was so strange to see the younger man looking so alive. Last Levi had seen him, his remaining eye had looked vacant, staring down at where his right arm used to be. It had only been Levi’s second expedition and the new member had barely survived his first. A medically discharged soldier, now unable to serve but unwilling to die despite his awful injuries. He took the reins of Levi’s horse as he got down.  
  
“It’s good to see you, sir.” Levi nodded in reply, still a little stunned. “Hello, Miss! We weren’t expecting you for another month.”  
  
“Noah.” Sara greeted fondly, stepped forward to catching him in a quick hug before the group walked towards the stables. “I’m just showing Corporal Levi around. How are things?”

“Good! The new wire for the chicken coup is working well...” He continued on, speaking of repairs and improvements.

More people came to them, all but a couple having lost at least part of an arm or leg. They welcomed Sara warmly and some even saluted Levi, who awkwardly returned the gesture. Maiyer kept his distance, looking away, weary. He’d been here before and it made him uncomfortable.

The others took charge of the horses, promising to care for them and helping to pull their gear down. After grabbing their essentials, Noah made to lead them.

“Since we didn’t know you were coming, your old room-“

“Noah,” Sara interrupted, “we’ve discussed this. It’s not my room anymore. We’ll all stay in the bunkhouse.”

Maiyer looked like he was about to protest but then yawned loudly, feet dragging as he followed the group inside. He barely made it to a bottom bunk before slumping down, laying out still fully dressed.

Levi looked around, unable to help himself in checking the cleanliness, surprised to find it so well kept.

Noah looked full of pride, even a touch smug. “To your standard sir.”

“Not bad,” Levi grunted.

Sara had pulled off her cloak and started to stretch, giving a little yawn herself.

“You ok? Ride too hard?” Noah was trying to muffle a laugh as Maiyer had already fallen asleep, snoring loudly.

“No, just in the warehouse before the open.” Sara stretched again, rolling out her shoulders. She gave a little smile. “I always forget how heavy the boxes get after a while. A nice cup of tea will fix me right up.”

Levi glanced over at her, thinking that explained some of the muscle tone he’d seen earlier. Still, a noblewoman working like that puzzled him.

“I believe you have the reports Corporal?” Sara asked, turning to him.

Levi fetched the papers from his satchel, handing them over.

Sara took them gently, feeling the weight. Her hand running over the top, she whispered sadly, “So many...”

Levi knew he was staring.

‘Why did she care?’

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

“Here we go,” Noah said as he opened the door. A large desk dominated the room, stacks of reports and letters were already strewn across it. Shelves covered the far wall, top to midway filled with folders and boxes.

“You’ve been keeping up to date?” Sara smiled, proudly, approaching the desk.

Noah nodded. “As much as we can.” He moved to show Levi the shelves. “The records are organized by year, expedition, then alphabetical.”

Levi picked up the closest folder. Page after page of fallen comrades. But not just names and dates; there were pictures, delicately hand-drawn, of faces and families. There were notes on deeds, training and accomplishments, information of where they were born, and how they died. A few tattered Scout patches had been carefully attached in places.

Noah joined Sara at the table. “Are we to expect more to join us here?”

Sara had started to leaf through the new reports. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. Erwin usually tells me as soon as possible. Still, there’s a lot here, we’ll need to look into it.” She sighed, taking a seat. “Might as well get started now.”

Noah nodded sadly. “I’ll get some refreshments.”

After a few minutes more of reading, Levi asked, “Why are they so detailed?” His voice was gruff. He had recognized so many. Too many. 

“Because they deserved to be remembered for more than just how they died.”

Levi turned to her as she continued. “Erwin hates that just names and numbers are sent to those in command. Even those who received honours are... disregarded or forgotten after a while. It tells them nothing of their bravery and sacrifice. Especially those who live through it.”

Sara gave a heavy sigh, turning wistful. “One day, when we’re beyond the walls, we want everyone to know and remember these names and faces, know the sacrifices and lives laid down to make it happen. And the additional information makes them more than just a uniform or a number.” She looked down at her hands.

“I wish...” She trailed off and Noah came in with a carefully balanced tray before she could continue. Quickly they went to work.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Levi had been reading for hours now, sat in one of the comfy chairs by the fire. Once he had started, he felt he had to continue and read them all. He started with the most recent, going back.

Noah and Sara had been hard at work at the desk, writing letters to family and friends, to the fellow officers of his fallen and injured comrades until Noah had been called to help with dinner preparations.

He had already found Isabel and Furlan, their entries were written in Erwin’s hand but additional notes had been added by what he now recognised as Sara’s elegant script.

Isabel’s record had contained a note from a ‘Miss Rosaline Kluch’ detailing how feisty and bright Isabel had been. Rosaline was “Rosie” to anyone who knew her, an older prostitute who lived in the underground city. The polite use of her name made it almost laughable but, at the same time, poignant.

Furlan’s aunt had written in a shaky, barely legible letter that said he had been a troublesome boy but she had been proud to hear of his joining the military and saddened by his death.

It was all so... strange.

x-x-x-x-x-x

Banner/mood board 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/630310753913667584>

Info on Noah

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/65992963>

chapter facts

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/65993257>


	6. Songbird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An evening of entertainment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Entertainment for the veterans and Levi being...well Levi.

Dinner was a quiet and awkward affair with people wanting to talk normally but also trying to be respectful, knowing what Sara and Noah’s tasks had been. The sadness of it was obviously weighing heavily on her shoulders and Levi’s general look kept the others away so the room was a great deal somber than it normally would be. They ate at their table, mostly in silence, with a young woman named Joanna. Noah came to join them.

Maiyer was at a table in the corner, still looking disagreeable but being plied with alcohol by a buxom woman, Charlotte, and he kept his peace. He had checked on Sara twice during the afternoon after he’d woken up, interrupting and making a general nuisance of himself until Sara had sent him off to check on the horses and then to help with dinner.

They had just finished eating when Noah pointed to an older man who was sat by the fire holding up a guitar, knocking on it to get attention.

“I think you’re being summoned,” Noah said, grinning at her.

Sara looked over and gave a very unladylike groan. Levi had glanced at her, surprised, thinking perhaps she’d had too much wine.

The man gave a friendly but firm thump to the chair next to him. His mottled hands then beckoned her. Sara gave a little sigh, shaking her head, a gentle smile tugging on her face.

Joanna gave her a nudge in the ribs, grinning. “A lady must know how to sing and dance to the correct level of competence.” Her voice was friendly mocking and she shooed her off saying, “On you go.”

Sara, clearly restraining herself in replying, went to the guitarist, speaking warmly to him and perching on the edge of the offered chair.

“It’s been a while hasn’t it? She couldn’t sing last time,” said Joanna.

Noah nodded and Levi noticed how the room’s mood had improved already with people taking an interest.

“Sing Summer Rains!” called a man from the back.

“No no! Something romantic!” replied Joanna.

“No, the one about the dancing girls,” said Grant, another man Levi had recognised, who’d lost his leg to a titan.

The old man thumped at his guitar then started to strum, gaining a few groans from his audience.

“Henri doesn’t speak, but he always gets his way,” Noah laughed.

Sara was smiling and after clearing her throat, started to sing about a river and the changes of the seasons. It wasn’t the best voice Levi had ever heard, but it was pleasant and gentle, steady. At the chorus, a few of the others joined in. It continued this way for a good few songs, the mood of the room joyful and merry. Maiyer drunkenly got up during it all, retiring to bed with Charlotte’s assistance. The woman quickly returned with a wink.

The mood dropped suddenly at the strum of a new song and Sara faltered. The room quieted.

“Henri…” Sara hesitated, very unsure.

He strummed the chords again more forcefully, his face stubborn.

She glanced around the room and saw several nodding in encouragement, before sighing and nodding herself. “Very well,” she agreed but visibly steeled herself.

Henri started again. The lyrics were simple and Levi couldn’t see what the fuss was about until she sang about “the wings of freedom” and “the coming home to a warm embrace”. It was haunting. As it drew to a close more than one person was crying silently.

There was a long moment, mournful and grief heavy before Noah stood up. He squared his shoulders before marching his way over to them.

“Well! Maiyer is not here so you have no excuse not to dance with me!” His face got redder and redder as he spoke.

The room broke into laughter and people began helping each other move and clearing away the dishes and cups. They quickly got organised to make some space for dancing.

Sara was giggling into her hand as she helped and Grant limped to join Henri, carefully bringing a drum with him.

“Do you dance Corporal?” Charlotte said to Levi, swaying up to him. It was now he could see her left hand was missing and a deep scar cut into her face, though it was mostly hidden by her hair.

“No.”

“Come now, not even a little?” She gave a little tug on his arm, a playful pout on her mouth.

“No.”

Her face dropped before she gave up. “Suit yourself,” she said, coolly dismissing him.

“Wow. You really haven’t changed,” Noah laughed.

Levi ignored him.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Soundtrack option

Taylor Swift - Safe and sound

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzhAS_GnJIc>

Banner/Mood board

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/630313947223949312>

info on Joanna and Charlotte 

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66028876>

Random chapter/character facts 

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66029053>


	7. A clear night sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara's life isn't a happy one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big chunk of Sara's back story here
> 
> Hopefully the way the conversation flows is OK
> 
> Feedback welcome

The evening of dancing had left Sara’s feet sore. She hadn’t laughed like that in a long time.

‘Such wonderful people,’ she thought.

She would always be deeply saddened that so many had been abandoned by their families. Some unable but many unwilling to help the wounded, blaming them for their own ‘stupidity’ and ‘foolishness’ for going beyond the walls in the first place. The military would only do so much to help them too and many had died from starvation or illness. At least here they had a place to call home and Sara was glad to know them.

Everyone else had retired for the night but she felt restless despite the long, turbulent day so she hadn’t gone to the bunkhouse straight away.

She opened one of the large windows and gazed up at the clear night sky, leaning her elbows against the frame.

She let her mind drift, feeling content, alcohol still warming her blood, until a footstep and rustle of clothing made her turn. Levi stood behind her.

“I thought everyone had gone to bed,” she said turning back to her stargazing.

He joined her at the window. “Never knew a blue blood could dance like that.”

“Blue blood?” Sara’s eyes went wide with surprise. “You think I’m...” She laughed. “Erwin didn’t tell you,” she realised. She paused, considering. “No, I suppose he wouldn’t have.”

Levi just frowned at her.

She gave a little smile, fond. “We grew up together. I come from a family of merchants.“ She shook her head. “Never any titles. I married in.”

"You grew up together." She could feel his reassessment of her. Probably rethinking her age too.

Sara turned back to look out the window, reminiscing. “You know, he was as strange then as he is now." She could still feel his eyes on her so she continued. "Erwin and I, we... we had such grand dreams. We were going to see what lay beyond the walls, unravel the mystery of the titans, learn everything we could about this world...”

“What changed? All the death too much for you?”

Her eyes met his. “Nothing changed. I still want that.” Her hands fisted but then she made herself relax. “I got through 2 weeks of training before my family dragged me out. Bribed all the right people. My father...” Her hand rubbed at the back of her neck. “He whipped me raw. There’s no going back for me now.”

“So you became a lady instead? Quite the change in plans.” Levi's tone was just shy of mocking.

“I decided if I couldn’t join then I would support the cause any way I could.” Sara gave him a sad smile. “It was my bride price. My family would get a title and prestige like they always wanted, my husband would have access to our money and business and the Scouts would get the resources and support they desperately needed with a voice to carry our message further into the King’s court.”

“What went wrong?”

Sara looked at him, a little surprised by his insight. “My husband. He wasn’t what we thought he was.” She hesitated, considering him, deciding to trust him. Then said, “He had my parents killed.”

She said it matter of fact. It was a resigned truth.

She shrugged. “It happened a long time ago now but I know it’s true. Had them murdered to keep everyone else in line." Sara sighed heavily. "It’s a shame they can't see what we’ve done here. I like to think they would have been proud, maybe understood me a little better.”

“Shame your husband is such a sack of shit.”

“He is,” Sara laughed darkly. “That he is.“ A cold look fell over her features. She couldn’t look less ladylike. It was clear the alcohol in her system was loosening her lips but Levi didn’t think he could doubt her next words. “One day... I’m going to slit his throat in his sleep.”

Levi grunted, surprised by the admission, mildly impressed.

He considered the group that lived here, their obvious love for her, Erwin and Hange and their affection. “I’m surprised someone hasn’t done it for you already.”

Sara looked at her hands. “I have a son.”

Levi stared at her. He’d certainly not had any inkling of that.

“William is 4 now. I haven’t seen him in months. I get letters but... I don’t even know where he is.” She shook her head. “At least as Lady Huber, I can keep gathering support for the Scouts and I even got this place out of it,” she said, gestured the building, “though it took a lot of work to make it even liveable. So the charade continues.”

Levi could see she was resolute in her choices but deeply sad. Caught like a pinned butterfly.

“One day...” she whispered. A quiet promise. She shook herself. “Enough of that. What about you? Zoe tells me so much in her letters but I’m never sure if they’re exaggerated.”

An aggravated look crossed his face. “And just what does she say?”

Sara smiled, cheeky. “Nothing that couldn’t be confirmed I’m sure.”

His eyes narrowed and Sara laughed.

“Nothing too bad I promise! She says she can never find anything because you are always tidying up and that you probably like your horse more than any member of the squad.” She chuckled. “I know she wants you and Mike to arm wrestle to see who’d win but, to be fair, I don’t think she’s the only one who would want to watch that.”

He huffed, irritated.

Sara’s eyes softened. “She says you are intelligent, more than you let on. And that you care, a lot more than you let on.”

“Sounds like a bag of bull to me.”

“I’m glad.” His eyes cut back to her as she smiled at him. “I’m glad Erwin and Zoe have someone like you with them. You’ve seen this world, up and down, inside and out. Erwin can be so driven sometimes and Zoe gets caught up in her head so much she’s-“

“A nut job?”

“Dangerous is what I was going to say.” She lay her fingertips against his arm. “I’m glad you have their backs.” Another little smile and her fingers patted. “Well, I’m to bed. Good night Corporal.” She turned to leave.

“Name’s Levi.”

Sara stopped, frowning. “I know?”

He gave a ‘tch’. “Idiot.”

It took a beat but Sara realised what he meant. She smiled. “Good night Levi.”

And left him to ponder the night sky alone.

x-X-x-x-x-x

Soundtrack option

Billie Eilish, Khalid - Lovely

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Pl8CzNzCw>

Banner/mood board

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631076649395503104>

Lots of facts on this one 

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66031081>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wanted them to be polar opposites in background but I figured having Sara more of an 'normal' person, she would relate a little better to Levi and get his sense of humour more


	8. Sleeping Lions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes my most Levi accurate line. See if you can spot it lol!  
> What do you think?

Levi wasn’t in the bunkhouse when Sara rose the following morning. She shrugged it off, thinking maybe he had gone for a run like many of the former soldiers did first thing and she left Maiyer snoring away. After a trip to the washroom, she found Noah in the kitchen, starting the early routines.

“Good morning! You’re up early.”

“You know I’ve always been an early riser. I never got out of the habit of getting ready for the open in the store.” She grinned. “My grandfather would be proud of me.”

“Tea? I can get you some breakfast?” he offered.

“No, it's fine, I’ll eat with the others. But tea would be lovely if you’re making, thank you.”

They chatted about their plans for the day before heading up to the study.

Opening the door, they found Levi was fast asleep in the chair by the fire.

Quickly shushing Noah, Sara got a blanket from a nearby cupboard. She shook it out and gently placed it over him. She was just stepping back when Levi’s hand shot up to grab her wrist.

She startled badly then stilled herself, remembering when some of the others had been woken from bad dreams, nearly coming to blows from their residual fear. Noah had moved towards them, protective, but Sara held up her other hand to stop him.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

She gave Levi a moment to relax and regain more of his senses before looking to where his hand still gripped her. His slitted eyes followed her gaze. Slowly he released his fingers.

“I am sorry. I’ll go get you some tea.”

He stayed where he was, eyes following as she left the room, staying on the door.

Noah noticed his lingering gaze. “Careful sir. At this rate, you’ll be falling for her just like the rest of us.”

Levi's eyes swept to him, unimpressed by the comment.

Whatever Noah saw in his face made him look away quickly and return to organising the paperwork.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

After breakfast Levi had asked to join in their efforts, wanting to add notes and remarks himself to the latest records. Noah had agreed readily and after a long moment of just looking at him, Sara had smiled and nodded.

They made good progress and at mid-morning, they took a break, Sara going to get some tea and snacks. She was gone for quite some time and Noah was just about to suggest he go look for her when they heard raised voices outside the door.

“But my Lady-”

“Thank you for your concern Mr. Maiyer. If we are leaving after lunch I suggest you get some more rest. It’s a long journey.”

Sara awkwardly entered the room, carefully balancing her tray and then shut the door in Maiyer’s face. She sighed heavily, resting her back against the door. She suddenly felt exhausted.

“Maybe the stick up his ass needs a stir,” said Levi.

Sara bit her lip to stop from laughing out loud.

After a long beat of silence, Noah spoke up. “Um, sir? Maybe you shouldn’t use that kind of language around her Ladyship.”

She stepped forward, placing her tray of tea and apples on the table. She gave Noah an innocent look, then a wicked grin.

“I was raised by merchants Noah,” she reminded him kindly. “And I call myself a friend to you soldiers. I’ve heard far worse.” She winked at him. “Maybe I should share some dirty limericks?”

The young man blushed to his roots.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Banner/mood board 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631077537618051072>

chapter facts and a dirty limerick 

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66032893>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original draft had Sara replying to Noah's admonishment of Levi's bad language with a barrage of swear words! And Noah being like "Damn! She's as nasty as you are!" but it didn't sit right.


	9. There and back again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi overhears an interesting conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback welcomed with hugs :D

After lunch, Levi and Sara started to get ready to go. Their stacks of letters were tucked away in their bags. Sara would deal with the civilians and Levi would hand off his to Erwin. Levi was just heading to the washroom when he stopped out of sight, overhearing a raised voice.

“I just don’t trust him!” A female voice complained.

“But I do,” Sara replied. “More importantly, Erwin does. He wouldn’t send Levi here if he felt there was a danger.”

“But he doesn’t care! Just look at him! And what about that bastard husband of yours? You know he hates us! Hates everything about this place. What if he says something to him? He could tell him-”

“Then I will take responsibility. I’ll do whatever I can to protect our work here.” Sara's voice was gentle, calming. “But I don’t think Levi would betray us. Truly.”

“You really don’t. Huh.” came the other voice. Then, suggestive, “You like him don’t you?”

Unimpressed, Sara replied, “Are you twelve?”

“You know what I mean.”

A pause. “I’m married, not dead. He has some... attractive qualities. He doesn’t mince words and, to be honest, it’s refreshing.”

The other woman laughed. “He’s a short, grumpy bastard and I still don’t trust him.”

“I’m not asking you to trust him. I’m asking you to trust me. Please.”

Another long pause. “Do you really have to go so soon?”

“Yes,” Sara replied. “And I don’t know when I’ll be back. Look after everyone for me?”

The other woman had started to cry quietly.

Levi walked away.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Their journey back had been difficult.

Maiyer had been saddled up, impatiently waiting as Levi and Sara said their goodbyes and they rode hard to get back before the weather changed.

Sara had barely gotten down from her horse before a man from the warehouse came out asking for advice on a discrepancy. She handed off her horse to another man with a thank you, moving to help but not before stopping and turning back to Levi.

“You’re welcome to use our break room before you head out Corporal.”

She ignored Maiyer entirely, who had nearly fallen off his horse in exhaustion.

Levi stayed where he was. “I’m going back now.”

Sara nodded, giving him one last gentle smile. “Good journey.”

He nodded back and Sara was quickly pulled back into conversation, the man beside her all but dragging her inside.

Levi watched her go before turning his horse to go back to headquarters.

He had a lot to think about but, somewhere quiet in his heart, he felt deeply relieved that there was somewhere safe for his injured comrades to go. And someone to care for them.

Less than a month later, Wall Maria fell. And everything changed.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Banner/mood board 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631076827847360512>

Random tidbits

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66033472>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi strikes me as the type that you might need to spell it out to if you had any kind of proper romantic interest in him so I thought I'd plant a seed :)


	10. Walking the line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter showing a little more of Lady Huber and the abuse she suffers at the hands of her husband

The fall of Wall Maria had changed everything.

Life became brittle.

So many people dead. Dying. Injured. Starving.

Lost.

The Scout Regiment’s normal activities were suspended as everyone worked to reorganise their new world behind Wall Rose. As the new Commander of the Scouts, Erwin had dispatched his troops, doing all they could to help keep the refugees safe but they were frequently rebuked by the Garrison’s troops who felt their turf invaded.

It wasn’t long before he was summoned to meeting after meeting to discuss the ongoing crisis.

Not unlike before, 3 hours later, nothing new had been decided and he headed to join Levi who had been waiting for him.

People gathered in small groups outside the meeting hall, mostly to continue complaining. Across the corridor, Levi could see Lord Huber shaking hands and talking to other Lords and rich merchants. Sara stood by his side, dressed in finery. She looked elegant but also distant and cold like a doll, the supposed image of a perfect lady. It was completely different from his memory of her, where she danced and laughed.

He didn’t notice Erwin had finished speaking to another officer until he said quietly, “If you keep staring like that, she’s going to catch fire.”

Levi said nothing but didn’t look away. Erwin turned to look too. For just an instant her eyes glanced over to them and a glimmer of a smile passed over her face. As Erwin straightened as if to approach her, the look disappeared and she shook her head minutely, almost in fear, then looked away, back to the Lords in front of her.

Erwin sighed. “Here she’s Lady Huber in her fullest. Even though she’s our Patroness we’d better steer clear.”

A few more people came to speak to Erwin and Levi mostly tuned them out, continuing to watch the crowd but eyes always returning to Sara. He took the time to assess her properly. She had lost a little weight, looking a bit gaunt. He knew from the one letter they’d received that she had been working hard to supply relief to the refugees, efforts that had been severely hindered by her husband.

More people began to leave and Erwin sent Levi to collect the horses. On his way out, he caught sight on Sara again, now to the side of the building, away from the people, about to board a carriage with her husband. He stopped just out of view.

Lord Huber looked angry, hand gripping hard into Sara’s shoulder. It must have hurt but she made no sign of it. Levi could hear his rant, the words almost spat into Sara’s face.

“You may be Erwin’s whore but you belong to me. Never forget that! You continue to play your part. You keep that money flowing to me or there will be consequences. I don’t care about those rats! They’re nothing to me! I know what you want and you can’t have it! Not a crumb from my table will go to them, do you hear me! Not a crumb!” He let her go, making her stumble slightly, and turned, pulling himself into the carriage.

Sara straightened up, shook herself off and, head held high, followed her husband.

Levi watched it all.

If she didn’t kill him, maybe he would.

x-x-x-x-x-x

Banner/mood board 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631077312319913984>

A few random facts

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66034546>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Domestic abuse comes in many forms - sometimes its obvious but sometimes its much more subtle. 
> 
> If you are a victim please reach out. There are people waiting to help you.


	11. Crawling through the sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night of grief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so hard to write. I rewrote it about six times.

The words were on a torn bit of paper, handwriting shaky, a smear of blood in the corner. It had been hastily given to him in the corridor by a garrison soldier he didn’t know.

Erwin read it for the fourth time and the words still didn’t change.

A knock at the door and Levi had let himself in with Hange following behind.

Seeing Erwin’s distress they both went to him as he stood by the fireplace. He handed off the note to Hange.

“What’s is it?” Levi asked.

Hange read aloud slowly, obviously shocked.

“Chimneys has been taken. Henri is dead. Noah and Peter have been shot, both unlikely to survive the night.” It went on to list others who had been injured.

“Who sent this? Is it verified?” Levi demanded.

Hange looked closely. “Sara I think? It’s not signed.”

“It’s not from her but I have no reason to doubt it. This crisis was the excuse Lord Huber needed to evict them,” said Erwin. His eyes didn’t leave the fire.

Levi glared at Erwin, anger cold at his inaction. “You’re just going to let this stand.”

“The property belongs to him. He is within his rights to take it back-”

“But they hurt -” Hange interrupted.

“Any retaliation we give will simply cause further repercussions to fall onto Sara. I won’t do that to her. Not now. She’s probably got her hands full doing what she can, tending to the wounded.”

“What about the records?” Hange asked.

Erwin shook his head. “Gone probably.”

“All that work for nothing.” Levi's hands had clenched.

Hange thought quickly to redirect his energy. “What can we do?”

Erwin shook off his shock and stood tall at the question. “We do what we can. Resources are already stretched thin but if we can find anything for the survivors? Offer what medical help we can.”

Levi and Hange nodded and they headed out, Hange grabbing Moblit and Mike as she went.

At Erwin’s command, they rode for the warehouse, feeling it was the best place to start.

Charlotte greeted them, the scarred woman Levi remembered. Her face was grim and her clothes were bloody.

Most of the veterans sat in huddled groups around the warehouse yard or in the small break room. The injured were already wearing bandages but looking ragged. Mike and Moblit went to assess their situation.

The feeling of deep shock was heavy in the air.

Inside the little house next door, they found Peter already dead in the corridor, body covered in a sheet.

Noah was laid out by the fire in the front room, his face bone-white, his breath was faint and rattling. Sara sat next to him, her hands covered in blood as she pressed piles of sodden bandages against his wound but anyone could see it was useless, the injury and blood loss too great.

They could hear her voice, hoarse, little more than a whisper, as she sang to him. They were later told it had been Noah’s last request and she had been singing quietly all night.

Hange tried to pull her back but Sara refused until he had breathed his last, only then did she allowed herself to be led away. Hange went to get her a drink while Levi started to gently clean up her hands. Erwin put his own riding cloak around her shoulders.

Sara confirmed, in a wavering voice, that those who remained would, of course, be allowed to stay, though the cramped and draughty conditions were not ideal. She had already given up her bedroom, Franz and Grant laid out on her bed, Joanna and Boris on the floor, curled up together in front of the fireplace. The doctor had already been and gone.

“Little else can be done for now.”

With those words, Sara dismissed herself to a quiet corner, blood still drying on her clothes. She sat down and curled in on herself, pulling the hood of the cloak over her head. She wept silently until exhaustion forced her to sleep.

Charlotte reported how they had been given no notice of their eviction. Lord Huber and a large group of armed men, mercenaries or possibly even military police, though no patches had been seen, had demanded they leave immediately as the resources were needed to be “redistributed” thanks to the fall of wall Maria.

Henri had killed for refusing to leave. Noah had been desperately grabbing what records he could and had simply been “taking to long” so they shot him as motivation to the others. Charlotte wasn’t sure what had happened to Peter. They had all been treated brutally, roughly thrown around and pushed into waiting carts. They had fled to the warehouse, not knowing where else to go.

A few hours later, Erwin and his squad moved out having been called back to command. They had been able to do very little besides offer words of comfort and what meager supplies they had been able to scrounge up.

Still, Sara thanked them for coming and bid them a goodbye but she could barely look at them.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The group was quiet for the next few days. It had been hard to inform the other officers who had known about 12 Chimneys and the depression weighed them all down, making everyone short-tempered.

A couple of letters had been passed off from Charlotte explaining that they had lost Franz to infection but that the rest were doing well, or, at least as well as could be expected.

Charlotte had also shared Sara’s condition. Lady Huber had been called to “attend” her husband.

“Sack of shit is rubbing salt in the wound,” Levi had said.

Charlotte went on to explain Sara’s guilt and shame, that she blamed herself for the deaths of their friends.

Erwin started a reply to Charlotte and Hange set off immediately to write a letter to Sara, unlikely as it was to reach her. But they knew their words would bring little solace.

They all knew what it was to live with guilt and the weight of carrying the dead.

  
  
x-x-x-x-x-x

Soundtrack option - Hurricane by Fleurie

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZcf3oXfz5k>

Banner/mood board 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631077438994235392>   
  


Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66035692>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! Please forgive me.


	12. Precious Cargo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being forgiven

It was months before any of the Scout Regiment met with Sara again. They had seen her once more, dressed again in her best to stand by her husband’s side at another meeting. Her eyes had looked dead and she moved gingerly as if injured. They knew from Charlotte that she had been kept on lockdown, heavily monitored, and had been seen with more than one bruise on her face or neck. It seemed Lord Huber, having lost the easy leverage of the veterans, was using a more direct method to terrorise his wife.

It was a surprise to see her walking through the town, a sleeping boy wrapped in her arms.

“Lady Huber!” Erwin called, not willing to miss the opportunity.

Sara whirled around to see him. “Erwin.” She had tensed and while she met his eyes, she looked so defensive, as if ready to take a beating. Levi realised she looked ashamed and haunted. Guilt-ridden.

He hated it. She looked weak.

Sara’s nerve broke and looked away. “I’m sorry I haven’t written… I’m sorry… I… I-”

Erwin broke in and he placed a gentle hand on her head, brotherly. “It’s fine. It’s good to see you.”

Sara looked back up at him in shock. She gaped at him but after a moment what she saw in his face made her relax slightly. A strand of tension in her slipped away.

She nodded and he patted her head before dropping his arm.

“That your kid?” Levi asked.

Sara gave him a hesitant look before her eyes went back to her son, looking fond as she nodded. “William,” she named.

“He’s grown big,” Erwin commented.

She gave a small smile. “They do that.” Her smile turned amused. “Be glad he’s not awake. He’d be climbing all over you. “The heroes of humanity”.”

“You tell him about us?” Erwin looked flattered. Levi just crossed his arms and wondered briefly about nightmares.

“Of course.” The small smile slipped from her face. “He leaves tomorrow to continue his education. I have to teach him the important things while I can.” Her grip on the child tightened.

“Lady Huber.” Maiyer rode up, driving an open carriage, interrupting them. Sara stiffened, caught.

Levi leveled a glare at him.

“Its…” Maiyer hesitated, he had caught the look and faltered.

“Time to go,” she finished for him. She looked defeated and hefting her boy further onto her hip, she turned to step up.

Erwin, gentleman that he was, moved to help, and, in a surprising move, took William and handed him to Levi before helping Sara up.

Hands full of sleeping child, Levi looked stunned for a moment making both smile widely, Sara hiding hers behind her hand. Levi gently rearranged his grip and stepped forward to hand him back off to Sara.

Child cradled in her arms, Sara gave a gentle “thank you” and a soft smile to Levi. 

They said their goodbyes and Maiyer rode on.

“Cute kid, despite his father,” said Erwin.

As expected, Levi said nothing.

The brat had his mother’s nose.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Banner/mood board 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631078361851215872>

Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66036370>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little lighter after the last chapter. I wanted a moment between Erwin and Sara where she would receive something like a benediction from her "big brother".


	13. The Gilded Cage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A connection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback welcome!

Sara sat at the window, watching the world go by. It was early evening and people were heading home for the night.

Her days were long now, and stagnant. She was rarely allowed to leave her room as punishment for being seen with Erwin. Jacob had hit her hard for that one but open-handed. She’d almost thought he’d gone soft until she realised he needed her presentable for the next week.

At least William hadn’t been there when it happened, though she missed him terribly. She was desperate to write to him, or Erwin, or Charlotte, or Zoe. But Jacob had refused her supplies, even to write to the other lord’s wives.

In a way, it was worth it though. Erwin had been so kind and had not blamed her for the deaths of their friends. The relief she felt from that was immeasurable though she still, and would always, blame herself.

And Levi...

Even now she smiled softly at the memory.

His shocked face.

The gentle way he had put William into her arms.

Lost in her thoughts, she almost didn’t see Maiyer ride up to the house with the carriage. After securing the horses, he was let in by the guard.

A minute or so later, the austere housekeeper, Helena, knocked on Sara’s door.

“My Lady? Lord Huber requests your presence,” Helena said as she let herself in.

Sara scoffed. ‘Requests’. But she knew better than to refuse. Especially at the moment. Even now, her surviving friends were under threat.

Helena helped make sure she was at her best; face, hands, and nails clean, her hair braided and twisted intricately, her clothes spotless.

Then she was put in the carriage and taken to an estate. Lord Stoker’s she recalled. He was a reasonable man, if rather dim at times. He was supportive of the military, in so much that they could be bribed to give him extra security or preferential treatment. Most surprisingly, he loved and doted on his wife, though she could be rather stupid and thoughtless too.

As Sara entered the main house, she could tell there was a celebration going on from the noise alone. Sara was brought to the main room where Commanders, Lords, and Ladies were in attendance, milling about. Senior officers, squad leaders, even aids, were there as well. She had to stop herself from openly scowling at the amount of food on display.

“Lady Huber!” called Lady Stoker, coming over. The young woman was flushed, a little inebriated.

Sara gave a small curtsy to the higher ranking noble. “My Lady Stoker, how are you?”

“Wonderful! It’s Commander Corbett’s birthday and we’re just having a little get together. Lord Huber said you would come and entertain us! You know how I love your playing.”

Sara fixed the smile to her face. ‘ _Little_ get together... you could feed a village for a month with that food,’ she thought bitterly.

Sara allowed herself to be pulled through the room, spotting Erwin as she passed. He was talking to Commander Lyran and Mike was there too. Zoe wasn’t there but Sara wasn’t surprised. Zoe Hange rarely knew how to ‘play the game’ when it came to the nobles.

Sara was led to a corner which held a harp and was made to sit.

“Please, play something won’t you?” Lady Stoker said though it was near enough a demand.

Sara collected herself, checking the instrument and was about to start when Lady Stoker’s demand continued, “And sing too! Entertain us properly!”

Sara faltered. She hadn’t sung since...

‘ _Noah_...’

For a moment, the world swayed. She swallowed hard, trying not to panic. She could feel her throat close up and she struggled to breathe. She couldn’t help glancing around, looking for an escape, maybe to see Erwin, or Mike, or any friendly face.

It was then that she spotted Levi through the people. He was stood directly opposite her, leaning again the wall with his arms crossed. He looked as impressed with the whole thing as she was. His eyes caught hers and the world righted again.

‘Maybe...’

“Are you well?” Lady Stoker’s voice cut into her thoughts.

Sara shook herself, taking a deep breath before smiling stiffly up at her. “Of course. I was just thinking of what to play. I’m ready now.”

She looked back at Levi.

She could play for him.

She closed her eyes and plunked at the strings. It was a simple tune and she sang it gently. She lost herself in the music, imagining just him sat in front of her. The few times her eyes crept open, she would only see only the instrument and Levi, who never looked away.

She didn’t realise how much quieter the room had become until she finished. Then the spell was broken.

There was a small round of applause, the louder noise of conversation returning, and a number of the wives came over to say how much they had enjoyed it and asked if Sara would play again. Jacob joined them, looking smug, and he placed a firm hand on the back of Sara’s neck.

“What made you play that my dear?” he asked. To the others, it may have seemed like a genuine question but Sara could feel the threat underneath as his hand tightened.

“I sang it to our son recently,” she lied. The love mentioned in the song could have been familial.

“Oh little William! Such a darling boy!” Lady Stoker gushed. “He’s an adorable little thing, Lord Huber! A true credit to you.” She had looped an arm around Jacob’s and started to prattle on about the joys of children, despite not having any of her own, but not before urging Sara to continue playing.

Sara took a deep breath and began to pluck at the strings again.

Levi had moved from his spot and Erwin had joined him.

That was probably a good thing. 

It wouldn’t do to be caught staring.

xxxxxxxxx

  
Soundtrack option 

Sia - My love (just for tone)

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vSwK-mD2bM>

Banner/mood board 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631079412296761344>

Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66037153>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of romance maybe?
> 
> Can you imagine Levi sat in a posh lounge, in his fancy suit, listening to harp/classical music?


	14. Screams in the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A warning

Things, though still a severe struggle, had settled into a new normalcy.

Sara had started sending her covert notes to the Scouts again. While she was still mostly confined to the Huber main estate, she had been allowed to return to the warehouse at odd intervals, mostly due to the complaints her husband had received about discrepancies and other small issues that Sara was fairly sure Charlotte, who was acting as the new manager, had caused deliberately.

Most of Sara’s letters had been complaints about how useless the nobility was and how they and the merchant guild members were being far too greedy, making the situation far worse than it needed to be. She expressed severe disappointment at the businessmen, even naming old friends of her family, who were once generous or at least reasonable, that maintained a selfish outlook, preferring to keep themselves in excess than help those desperately in need.

They hadn’t seen her at all in weeks so Erwin was surprised to see the latest missive; just directions for where to be.

Erwin offered it to Levi, who read it frowning. “Thoughts?”

“A trap.”

Erwin nodded, grateful, not for the first time, for Levi’s suspicious nature. He hummed. “It looks like Sara’s handwriting and it’s a place we both know.”

“Then go. Don’t blame me if you die.”

Erwin went and, of course, Levi went with him, a silent bodyguard. They had changed out of their uniforms into simple clothes and hooded cloaks, blending in with the people who were lingering around, mostly refugees who sat in huddled groups.

They stood in a quiet corner with watchful eyes for any sign of who they were to meet, be it Sara or any familiar face.

Hours crept by but no one came.

It was late into the night before Levi suggested Erwin head back, feeling this was a waste of time. At least if this was a clumsy attempt at an attack, Erwin would be out of danger.

Erwin considered this. He knew of Levi’s insomnia, that the draw of rest in a warm bed held little appeal to him, even after an evening stood in the cold. If they returned to headquarters, instead of resting, his sullen subordinate would probably just start looking into who else could have sent the note, listing families, officers and nobles who held a grudge. By morning he would probably have a full report.

Erwin was still sure it was Sara’s summons and didn’t want to give up but he could leave this to his subordinate.

“You’ll stay?” Erwin asked.

Levi grunted, affirmative. “Get some sleep. You don’t want to look more like a shit.”

Erwin chuckled as he walked away.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Shadows kept moving in the dark, soldier and civilian still walking about despite the late hour but it was the quick footfalls that stirred Levi. He had zoned out a little bit but with the new sound he came back to full alert.

A cloaked figure was moving quickly, keeping close to the buildings and covered walkways. They hesitated at different places, scanning people then moving on, slowly making their way around to where Levi was tucked away.

He kept hidden until he could see their face, still wary.

It was Sara. He stepped out of the deep shadows as she passed him.

“Your Ladyship.”

“Oh!” She startled badly and whirled to face him, her hood falling back.

He couldn’t help noticing her attire. She was dressed in rough clothes, a little too small for her, a bodice and skirt under her open cloak. With her hair down and full cleavage on display, she looked like one of the barmaids from the underground city, nothing further from the immaculate lady she had been last he saw her.

She was flustered, near panic. “Thank God you’re still here. Where’s Erwin?” She looked behind him, eyes darting around to the shadows.

“It's just me.”

The noise of a garrison soldier passing on horseback spooked her further and they retreated further into the dark.

“You’ve got to tell him!” she whispered harshly. She was extremely agitated. “There are plans. The nobles want to take back Wall Maria! But they’re going to send the refugees to do it!”

“What?”

“They’re just using it as an excuse! Anything to keep their own bellies full! They’ll be slaughtered!” Her whisper got louder as her distress grew.

“Quiet.” He grabbed her shoulders roughly, pulling her further into the corner and against the wall.

Sara took a breath, then continued, “I don’t know if Erwin can do anything but he has to try… _he has to_. You know what will happen. You’ve seen what it’s like out there!” She was getting upset again, tears starting to form.

“Levi…” she implored, desperate for him to understand. _“Thousands_ of people are going to die.”

Lost in the horror of it, imagining the devastation, she sagged and Levi put a hand to her head, pulling her to him, offering what comfort he could.

Just for a minute, he let himself feel the warmth of her, the softness of her hair against his fingers. The smell of her skin.

He let it wash over him and ebb away and felt her hands clench at his clothes. She was shaking.

“Take them for every penny,” Sara whispered against him.

“Hah?”

She looked him in the eyes and, despite her tears, Levi could see her rage. “Tell Erwin. After this, things will change. Request resources. Anything. Everything! Demand it! Make them _bleed_ their money. Those bastards are the cause of this. Drain them dry!”

A little surprised by her whispered vitriol, he nodded. “I’ll tell him.”

A loud noise separated them; a group of garrison soldiers heading back to their barracks.

“I need to go. I’ve already been gone too long.” She wiped at her face, still looking shaky but she was steady on her feet.

He let her go, saying “Be careful.”

She paused, turning back to him. “You too.”

Pulling her hood up, she ran back into the night.

xxxxxxx

Soundtrack option 

65daysofstatic - Drove through ghosts (Sara’s POV)

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0SDdTnUyEM>

Banner/mood board 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631079558346620928>

Chapter facts

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66039103>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of attraction there maybe...


	15. The passing of time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A catch up with Erwin

The attempts to grow food in any meaningful amount had failed and so, despite the protests, the reclamation plan had gone ahead and failed miserably as predicted. It had eased the restriction in resources considerably but the cost was beyond what anyone could have expected.

Soldiers and civilians alike were lost on the land in front of Wall Rose and those surviving struggled under the trauma they had endured.

Time passed and Erwin had tried to do as Sara had asked.

The nobles and merchants had said all along that the problem was “too many mouths”. Now, with the numbers severely diminished, Erwin and a few other commanders and section leaders had insisted that the demand for supplies from the general populace be met at an acceptable level. They then added the supply demands for the military on top of that.

“Drain them dry,” Sara had said. But it wasn’t so simple.

Erwin knew that it would affect very few of the nobles, but others would feel the pinch here and there. It was the best they could hope for and at least the remaining refugees had enough to live.

Erwin had asked his subordinates for suggestions on what to demand. The replies had been varied. Mike and Ness had asked for more meat. Hange had given him a long, _long_ list of what equipment she wanted. Moblit had jokingly asked for a rope to tie Hange to a chair so he could get five minutes peace. Eld had asked for clothes. Levi went with more black tea and cleaning items for their boots. Erwin himself had asked for more basic supplies, like blankets and paper.

Not long later, he found himself suddenly very busy; planning and training ready for expeditions, the tactics he had long envisioned functioning better than expected.

After a little more than a year later, the military command seemed to settle into apathy about the losses that had been incurred in the reclamation. They still had youths willing to join them and serve the people, though most were simply looking for a better, easier life.

Technology took small steps forward, with the finances for better defenses collected and used to install improved cannons and equipment for ODM training.

As before, this had all been quietly supported by Sara, especially her notes on where to find good craftsmen and engineers, though her letters were few and far between. They hadn’t seen her for so long now and it worried him, as it did the others. Even Levi had asked after her once, in his terse, mildly insulting way.

Erwin had been silently pleased that Levi had outgrown his earlier distrust of her. He felt it was good for Levi to have someone he wanted to keep safe outside of their band of misfits.

xxxxxx

Banner/mood board 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631079945517580288>

Chapter facts and Hange’s week

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66040003>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short


	16. A greeting of the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A gathering allows Levi and Sara to meet again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback welcome
> 
> Think this is slightly out of character but...you know, plot and all.

It was now 3 years without incident on the walls.

“Any excuse for a party,” Levi had said but Erwin was grateful for the opportunity to let his men have a break and cut loose a little.

Lord Rouser, one of the rare nobles who supported the Survey Corps, had allowed his property to be used and donated some of his own reserves to host the gathering.

A few other Lords and Ladies were in attendance but not many. What had surprised Erwin the most was Lord Huber’s presence. Quickly though it became clear it was simply an attempt at propaganda, trying to re-enforce his image as a patron to the military. He had several guards with him too, which seemed more than just the usual show of wealth.

As the troops from the Scouts and the Garrison mingled together and Erwin got a chance to speak to his men more informally, he noticed Sara was stood out on the veranda. She too was under guard and in clear sight of her husband.

Erwin hesitated, wanting to speak to his old friend but unwilling to cause her any more trouble than necessary.

Levi obviously felt no such hesitancy as he walked right to her.

X-x-x-x

“Your Ladyship.”

Sara turned to find Levi standing behind her. He met eyes with her silent bodyguard who seemed to shrink under the scrutiny. When Levi turned to look back at her, he could see the amused smile she was trying to hide.

“It’s been a while,” Levi said. In the light, he saw no bruises or marks but her skin looked a pale like she hadn’t seen the sun in a while. It reminded him of the people living in the underground city.

“Mama,” a little voice piped up from in front of her and Levi could see a young boy tugging at the front of her skirt, whose eyes widened at Levi’s uniform emblem. “Mama.”

Sara smiled sweetly down at her son. “William this is Levi.”

The boy’s eyes darted between the two. He seemed amazed his mother knew the Scout.

Sara gave him a little nudge, nodding towards Levi and William gave him a little formal bow. “Pleased to meet you.”

William looked back up at his mother and she smiled proudly at him before turning her attention back to Levi.

“How are you? I heard you’d been promoted again.”

“It just means more paperwork,” Levi grumbled in reply.

She smiled. “Erwin always said that if the Titans didn’t get him, the paperwork would. How are the others? Is Zoe here?” She looked behind him, trying to spot her.

“Stayed home to catch up on her experiments.”

“She’s still driving you mad?” Sara teased.

“That stupid four eyes is going to get us all killed one day.”

Sara hummed. “Yes she does like trouble doesn’t she.”

“Want to explain to me how you’re friends with such a lunatic?" Levi asked.

Sara’s smile turned fond. “Erwin introduced us. It wasn’t long after she’d became a Scout. She had only been on a couple of expeditions I think and was already desperate to solve their mystery. I may have made the mistake of asking a question or two… and that was that. It's hard not to get caught up in her enthusiasm.”

"It's easy," he replied and Sara grinned at him.

A noise and they noticed another guard had joined the first, whispering together.

Stepping forward and lowering his voice, Levi’s head nodded towards them. “What’s with these guys?”

Sara gave a very controlled look. “It seems someone tried to kill my husband.” At his look, she continued. “For the record, it wasn’t me.”

There was an unspoken “this time.”

Disturbed, William shifted against her and Sara swept a hand through his hair. “We were just looking at the stars.”

William nodded. “They’re so pretty.” He pointed up at a constellation, naming it.

Levi stepped closer still, joining them as they gazed up at the twinkling lights. But he soon found himself glancing at Sara instead.

“My dears.”

Both Sara and William stiffened at Huber’s words. They turned to see him waving them towards him.

“It’s time to leave this rabble,” he said, giving Levi a disgusted look like he was something to be scraped off a shoe. Levi met the look with a dead stare.

Disturbed by the lack of respect, Lord Huber ordered “We’re leaving.” He walked off, his guards following behind.

Sara sighed and nodded. She looked at Levi, reluctant to say goodbye. “It was good to see you.” And mother and child began to move away, bodyguards in tow.

“Hey kid,” Levi called. William quickly shuffled back to Levi, still a little awed. “Look after her,” he said, nodding to Sara.

William gave a salute, using the wrong arm, chest puffed up.

Levi looked away but reached out a hand, giving the boy’s hair a ruffle.

William giggled.

xxxxxxx

Banner/mood board 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631080258047770624>   
  


Chapter/character facts

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66041227>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea of Levi ruffling William's hair is taken straight from his interaction with Isabel in No regrets which showed Levi could be very sweet, don't you think?


	17. Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A walk together

It was Mike who noticed her first. More specifically he had stopped, sniffed the air then honed in on her immediately.

“What is it?” Levi asked, tensed.

Mike tilted his head, indicating. Sara was saying goodbye to some very well dressed women as they got into a carriage. She curtsied low and stepped away as the carriage moved on.

Once it was out of sight, Mike and Levi saw her give a big sigh in relief.

“Levi!” Hange called in her sing-song voice, “Look what I… SARA!”

Hange ran straight to her, looking like she was about to pounce on Sara when a large, muscular stepped between them. He grabbed Hange’s arm hard and yanked her away.

Hange was about to fight back in earnest, and Levi and Mike moved up quickly about to intervene, when a voice piped up.

“Mr. Finis.” Sara’s words broke in, firm and authoritative. “Let her go.”

“My La-” The man protested.

“Now.” It was almost funny, given how much smaller she was than him, but she stood firm. Sara stared him down and he released his grip. Stepping away, he grunted an apology.

“Are you alright?” Sara asked.

“Phew what a grip!” Hange waved off Sara’s concern and grinned at her comrades. “He might be able to give you two a run for your money!”

Levi and Mike didn’t take well to that and both continued glaring at the guard, protective.

“I’m so sorry about that,” Sara took Hange’s arm, frowning at the marks. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Hange smiled reassuringly, pulling her arm away. “It’s fine. I’m fine! It’s so good to see you.”

“You too,” Sara said, smiling back. “Actually, you've good timing. You can tell Erwin. Lady Ganther has agreed to help. He should get those extra horses he wanted before the end of the month.”

“I’ll let him know,” Hange replied grinning brightly.

“Are you’re off duty?” Sara asked, having noticed the lack of uniforms. “Will you walk with me?”

X-x-x-x-x-x

They meandered through the town in the late afternoon light, stopping in at a few stores and stalls with Sara’s bodyguard trailing behind. Sara introduced them to a few people, Zoe being especially impressed with a glass worker who made scientific equipment to order.

Sara waved Levi over to a stall. She smiled, conspiratorial with the woman tending before introducing Levi to the face peeking around the side. “This is Mia.”

The girl, Mia, grinned up at them, gap showing in her teeth. “Ladyship,” she lisped with a little curtsy.

Charmed, Sara bent forward and winked at her, “Do you have something special for me?”

Mia thought for a moment then nodded, turning to ask her parent. “Mummy?”

The woman handed off a bag to the child, who in turn handed it to Sara in exchange for some coins. Levi could tell it was more money than it should have been from the look on the child’s face.

Sara opened the bag, smelling deep and humming approvingly. Then she offered it to Levi. “The best mix around.”

The tea inside was aromatic and dark. Impressed, Levi’s eyes met Sara’s over the bag. Though his facial expression didn’t really change, Sara found herself starting to blush under his gaze.

Sara cleared her throat, turning back to Mia and her mother, grateful Zoe and Mike hadn’t noticed her flushing face. She smiled at the stall owners and said, “I think you may have a new customer.”

She waved goodbye as they walked away and Sara would have been glad not to hear the conversation between mother and daughter about how they made a handsome couple.

Soon after Zoe invited Sara back to the barracks with the offer of dinner.

Mr. Finis started to protest. “Lady Huber-”

Sara stopped, turning to him. Her head came up and she looked down her nose at him. “I am going to eat dinner with my friend Zoe.”

He looked between them. The fact that Sara had only mentioned the other woman seemed to relax him slightly.

Sara continued. “I’m sure you can see I am perfectly safe. You will wait for me out here. I will have some food sent out to you.”

With that she turned on her heel and walked into the barracks, Hange holding the door open for her and she quickly shut it when her comrades were inside. She started to lead Sara to the mess hall.

“I’ll let Erwin know you are here,” said Levi quietly.

Hange stopped him. “No don’t! Not yet. Sara can be a surprise!”

“You sound like you’re about to wrap me in ribbons,” said Sara.

Hange looked at her, considering.

“No,” said Sara forestalling her.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

In the end, they dined in Erwin’s office, away from the troops to avoid the gossip. It was a happy reunion though Erwin expressed concern about her being caught.

“Oh I’m sure something will be said but believe it or not, he’s calmed down a little with the increase of security. I don’t see him much at all these days.”

They chatted for a good while, catching up. Mike mentioned how the newer recruits were settling in well.

“Brats need to learn how to clean,” grumbled Levi.

“Maybe our resident neat freak should relax a little,” replied Hange.

“You all need a good kicking.”

Sara chuckled, and although her smile was a little sad, she teased, “I’ve heard it’s nearly impossible to meet your standards.”

Zoe laughed. “He’s getting more of a reputation from that than Titan killing!”

“I suppose all the Scouts I’ve met have been a little… odd,” said Sara, pondering.

“You the most, shitty four eyes,” said Levi, taking a sip from his teacup.

As the evening carried on Levi watched the lively chatter. It wasn’t difficult to imagine Sara as a member of the Scouts, authoritative, trusted and knowledgeable. Not for the first time, he considered that if she hadn’t been pulled out of training, she may have been a section leader by now. Levi then changed his mind.

‘No, this self-sacrificing idiot would have died years ago from trying to save everyone,’ he thought.

Despite everything he had seen in his life, Levi felt nauseous as he imagined it.

  
xxxxxxxxx

Soundtrack option

Hozier - From Eden (acoustic)

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcHOxhGNq3g>

Banner/mood board 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631080406289170432>

Chapter fact and deleted scene notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66042130>

Deleted scene/Alternate version

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/27315007>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol they had a moment over the tea leaves


	18. Rumours and Suspicion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin returns for an expedition to hear some troubling news

Another expedition completed.

Erwin took solace in the success of the last few missions. They had made excellent headway in the routes and identified several good way stations, though, as always, it was hard-fought and costly.

He felt exhausted but, as much as he longed for his bed, there was still work to do.

After seeing to the wounded and ensuring the families of those lost would be notified, Erwin went to make his report, surprised when he was then asked to stay for a word with the military police.

Nile sat down with him, saying it was merely a formality and that it was nothing to worry about. Erwin couldn’t tell if he was being sincere.

“You know Lord Huber?” Nile asked.

“Yes of course. He’s one of our patrons.”

Nile nodded. “And his wife.”

Erwin answered honestly. “Sara. You know she’s an old friend. Our patroness. What’s this about?”

Nile gave him a steady look, searching. “Lord Huber has been killed.”

Erwin didn’t hide his surprise.

Nile continued. “It looks like a robbery. A thief taking advantage. He was killed in his sleep and his staff confirmed that items were taken from his room.” His eyes narrowed. “Of course, this all happened while you were on your expedition.”

“What are you implying?” Erwin asked.

“There was a rumour. That he was going to have you targeted. Assassinated.”

“For what reason?”

“We don’t know,” answered Nile, then he paused assessing. “There was another rumour. About you and Lady Huber.”

“And as I said she is an old friend. Sara is like a sister to me,” said Erwin.

“Then could she have done it?”

“Now you’re implying he was killed by his wife?”

Nile shrugged. “It is a possibility.”

“Based on a rumour,” Erwin countered.

Nile huffed and waved him off. Erwin stood and headed for the door before Nile called his name.

“Be careful,” he warned.

Erwin nodded and left.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Back at the Scout headquarters, Erwin pondered over what he had been told. Spotting them in passing, Erwin led Hange and Levi to his office.

“Well?” asked Levi.

“Lord Huber is dead.”

“What?!” exclaimed Hange.

“Something about a thief but they have some suspicions about Sara,” said Erwin. “The word is he was about to have me assassinated. But that’s just a rumour.”

“Do you think she could have done it? Paid someone?“ asked Hange but Erwin held up a hand, calming.

“We’re just speculating here. Officially, as far as we know, this was a simple violent robbery.”

Hange started thinking it over. “With all those guards?”

“If it was a job,” Levi said. “all those guards make you think he’s got something worth stealing.” His head tilted. “Don’t expect me to weep for the guy. He got what was coming to him.”

“I just hope Sara’s alright,” said Hange. “We start our leave tomorrow. Can we go and see her? Or would that make it look worse?”

Erwin considered it. “It may even look more suspicious if we keep our distance.”

Hange nodded and headed out. “I’ll make some inquiries. Find out where she is.”

Erwin gave Levi a long look. “Do you think she could have done it?”

“You know she wanted him dead. I just wasn’t sure she had it in her. But if there was a real threat to you? I don’t think she would hesitate.”

Erwin sat down at his desk, thinking over those words.

He remembered the sweet, curious girl who loved to dance, who had been a true comfort after his father had died.

Who, with tears streaming down her face, whip marks still healing on her back, had sworn to him she would do whatever it took to see him succeed.

xxxxxxxxx

Banner/mood board 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631080615018659840>

Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66219337>


	19. The darkening of a soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin, Hange, and Levi go to Sara for some answers

Hange found out that Sara was at the old hunting manor. After the funeral, the “grieving widow” had retreated to her family’s property for some peace.

Erwin and Hange made arrangements to leave as soon as their work was complete, allowing themselves two nights to spend with her. Levi decided to accompany them to their surprise.

When the trio arrived in the late afternoon, they were helped at the stables by the staff and, happily, saw their old comrades Frederic and Joanna who had settled at the manor after their “displacement” from 12 Chimneys.

For a while, Erwin was quite content to be distracted, unsure of what he would find when he saw Sara.

After getting organised, they went to the main house and Sara was waiting in the front doorway. She looked pale and tired. Diminished.

Her arms were wrapped around her middle, protective but steady. Readying herself to be dragged off to the gallows.

Hange was the first to reach her, sweeping her into a gentle hug.

Pulling back, Sara gave her a small smile. “It’s good to see you safe.”

Erwin stepped up, Levi trailing behind.

Sara looked up at the commander, a little fearful but he smiled gently, supportingly. Then to Levi. She was surprised to see him but glad. He nodded to her and she moved to let them all in, leading them into a study.

Charlotte was already there and she greeted them warmly but there was a clear unease. They shared news for a while, Charlotte having recently married a garrison soldier she’d known since being a recruit. They learnt it was her new husband who had been the one passing off messages. She reassured them that they could trust him.

Sara fetched them all refreshments and as she joined them an awkward silence fell.

“So…” Hange started, then stalled, not sure where to start.

“Can you tell us what happened?” asked Erwin, straight to the point but softly, not wanting to interrogate her.

Protective, Charlotte smiled coldly. “You didn’t hear? It was a thief in the night, praying on the poor old man.”

Levi gave a “tch”. “Do you really expect us to believe that?” he said.

Erwin frowned at him, reprimanding.

Sara’s hand touched the back of Charlotte’s, trying to forestall any further comments. “Charlotte…”

“No!” Charlotte stood, aggravated and defensive. “You don’t understand! She did for you! For the Scouts! For human-!”

“ **Charlotte**.” Sara’s voice was firm. “Enough.”

Charlotte dropped back into her chair like her strings were cut, swearing under her breath.

“You must have heard what I did.” Sara raised her head, looking Erwin in the eye. “He was going to kill you, Erwin. Shoot you dead. Kill as many of you as he could.”

She looked away, small tremors running through her. “I tried to get out, tried to get word to you, to warn you but once he started planning I couldn’t get _out_ … I couldn’t convince them to… ”

“What was he planning to do?” Erwin asked.

She looked back at him. “He was going to incite a riot, use it for cover. Provoke the families who had lost people. He, his men, they were going to shoot at all of you.”

A beat as everyone took that in.

“We all know he didn’t like us but why now?” Hange asked. “What changed?”

As Sara faltered, Charlotte spoke up. “Not long after you left there was another call to disband the Scout Regiment. To stop humanity’s advancement outside the walls.” She placed her hand on Sara’s. “We don’t know if Lord Huber started it but it got refused pretty quickly. He tried to make out like he was saving lives but, as a supposed patron to the cause, well, he was ridiculed. Publicly. He got very angry.”

“He couldn’t stand for things to change, to even go back to the way they were before Wall Maria fell,” Sara said, voice quiet.

“So he really had become an enemy against all of us,” Erwin concluded. Understanding, and a small amount of relief, began to spread through him.

“But… all those guards?” Hange asked, morbidly curious.

“In a way, they made it easy. They kept the house very secure…on the outside. They didn’t watch me at all inside…” Sara looked away, swallowing hard, face going bone white. “I don’t think they know for sure I… that I…” She took a deep breath and continued, “They suspected each other…”

“The MPs suspect you,” said Erwin, needing her to know.

“The MPs didn’t even question me,” she scoffed, disgusted. “They daren’t question a noble without proof, even a pretend one like me.”

Sara looked to each of the soldiers in turn, unable to gauge them properly in her turmoil. “To do what I did in cold blood… you must think me a monster.” She shrugged, helpless. “Maybe I am.”

She stood. “If you want to turn me in I won’t blame you. If you want nothing to do with me, I understand.”

Looking nauseous and unsteady, she left the room quickly, despite Erwin standing and calling her name.

Charlotte kept her eyes on her teacup. “What are you going to do?”

Hange and Levi looked to Erwin. He sat back down and after a long, silent moment of deliberation, he said, “Be grateful to her for the rest of my life.”

Charlotte let out a sigh. “She’s fully prepared to hang for it. For all we hated him, Sara wouldn’t ever let us go after him. More than anything she didn’t want us to… _dirty_ our hands like that.”

She stood and went to find Sara.

Hange sat back, thinking it over. “If he had been found out, he would have been sent straight to the gallows.”

“A noble like him would have bought his way out of it. And we’d all be dead,” Levi countered.

Erwin couldn’t help but agree.

xxxxxx

Banner/mood board 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631306939580743680>

Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66219428#workskin>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another tough one to write but I got there in the end.
> 
> Feedback welcome!


	20. Humanity's worth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin and Sara have an argument

It was evening now and Sara hadn’t joined them for dinner. Taking his meal with him and a full plate for Sara, Erwin had gone to find her. Levi had followed a while after, leaving Hange to talk Joanna’s ear off.

He could hear the argument from down the hall.

“But it wasn’t just for humanity! I wanted him dead! Me! I did it-” Sara’s voice.

“Sara you can’t expect me to condemn you-” Erwin.

“Oi.” Levi's voice broke in from the doorway. “You’re getting loud.” He shut the door behind him. “Do you trust everyone here?”

Sara looked at him, then away. Obviously she didn’t and both went quiet.

“If it was for yourself, you would have done it years ago. After he killed your parents,” Levi said and Erwin glanced at him, surprised Sara had shared that. “I know I would have.”

“Its not that simple,” Sara said shaking her head.

“It never is,” Levi replied.

She stepped towards him, looking him dead in the eye. “If I did it just for humanity’s sake then I’m just a coward for not doing it sooner.”

Levi met her look. “No. You’re just human.”

She looked away, her disgust evident. “Then if people can genuinely use humanity as an excuse to do what I did then maybe isn’t worth saving.”

“Sara.” Erwin turned her to him. “I’d be lying if I said there weren’t moments when I have doubts.” His hands went to her shoulders. “But there are always those who make it worth every drop of blood spilled and they force us to press on to the future. We have to do _whatever_ _it takes._ For them.”

He gently caught her chin, making her look at him. “Like Noah Weber.”

She inhaled sharply at the name.

“Henri Davidson,” Erwin continued. “Charlotte Truthe. Maxim Kall. Marlene Neves. Gunther Schultz. Eric Sandle. Mike Zacharias. Darius Walbrunn. Tomos Frith.”

He went on and on, listing the living and the dead. Her friends. His. All members of the Scout Regiment.

“Luke Sis. Zoe Hange. Joanna Wilffin. Levi. Klaus Nara. Moblit Berner. Kira Polo…”

“Erwin Smith,” she whispered.

“Sara Cartwright.” Erwin gave her a gentle smile. “Young William.”

A tear rolled down Sara’s cheek but she was calmer now, though still unsure. She took a deep breath.

“For humanity then.”

Acceptance, albeit with great reservation.

She wiped at her face and Erwin let his hands drop. She nodded to herself and whispered, “Excuse me.”

She headed for the door but as she opened it Erwin stopped her, asking, “Sara? Where is William?”

A shadow passed over her face. “He’s with Jacob’s uncle, Lord Wolff. I don’t know… I’ll probably never see him again.”

A long pause. Then she left the room.

The men watched her go and Levi joined Erwin by the window.

“For humanity...” Erwin muttered, but it was an empty sound.

xxxxxxxx

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<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631307158423748608>

Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66219451#workskin>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Sara had to choose between seeing her son again and saving the Scout Regiment


	21. A life with no regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi gives some advice

Insomnia pulling at him, Levi was wandering the silent property when he saw the opened door to the study. He found Sara sat on the floor in front of the fire, staring into the flames.

Levi shut the door behind him, leaning against it.

“You should be in bed,” he said.

Not moving, Sara replied, “I don’t sleep much these days.”

He stepped closer, joining her by the warmth.

“Zoe once told me you lived in the underground city? Grew up there?” Sara asked.

“I did,” he replied, not sure where this was going.

“I can’t even imagine that. The kind of life that is. No sky above you...” Her voice was a little lost. Her eyes met his. “I’ve heard stories but... You had to hurt people, just to survive didn’t you?”

It was a question but also a statement, simply confirming.

“Yes.”

“You killed?”

“Yes.”

It had been a hard life, dog eat dog, though even he could admit it had its bright spots. For a minute he thought on how Sara had been living, the suffering she had endured under her husband’s hands. Different worlds but the same pain.

People caught in cages, chasing dreams, wanting a better world.

People standing in the way, forcing them down.

“Does this feeling ever go away?” Sara was looking down at her hands and he knew exactly what she meant.

The fear of how easy killing is. The understanding that your hands will never be clean again no matter how many times you scrub at them.

The way it can eat at your soul.

Levi knelt next to her. “If you hadn’t been there, Erwin would have died. You saved him. No matter what else, you made the best choice you could. For him and the Scouts. You shouldn’t regret that decision. Try to live your life without regretting your choices.”

“That sounds like something Erwin would say.” Sara gave a half shrug at his frown. “There are worst things to sounds like.” Her eyes went back to the flames. “A life with no regrets...”

She fell silent, thinking over his words seriously. Erwin often got like this, turning an idea over and over in his head. Maybe she learnt it from him.

Levi moved to sit in one of the armchairs. He would keep her company as he did Erwin sometimes. Watch over her for now.

xxxxxx

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<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631307280643686400>

Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66219532#workskin>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Echoes of what Levi says to Armin and the others in season 3


	22. With the dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hange and Sara take a walk

The fire was out when Levi awoke, slumped in his chair. Sara was gone and a blanket had been placed over him.

Somehow she had managed to get very close to him without waking him. He didn’t want to think about what that meant.

After a trip to the washroom, he changed, noting Hange and Erwin were still sleeping deeply. He wandered to the kitchen, finding Frederic there with another member of staff. They had started the early morning chores but were dithering at the window.

“Good morning sir,” said Frederic.

“What’s going on?” asked Levi, pouring himself a cup of tea.

“Sara’s up on the hill. I think she’s been there a while. We don’t want to disturb her but…”

Deciding for them, Levi poured a second cup and stepped out into the morning air.

Blanket wrapped around her, Sara was asleep, curled up on the grass. Levi sat down carefully next to her, mindful of the drinks. He put them down and watched her for a moment, before plucking off the leaves and debris that had landed on her.

At his touch, Sara stirred, giving a little stretch, arching. She made a small, feminine sound.

Levi felt something stir within him.

He looked away.

A few moments later she opened her eyes, blinking in the morning light.

“Levi…?”

“Hey idiot, you’re going to get sick sat outside like this,” he admonished.

Sara looked away, chastised but touched by his concern. “I was watching the sunrise.”

She sat up, rolling her shoulders and he silently handed her a cup. Surprised, she thanked him, taking a sip.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, drinking, looking out across the open spaces and paddocks in front of them.

After a while Hange joined them, sitting close to Sara, trying to steal the blanket that was shared willingly.

“I do like it here but its a little too quiet for my taste,” said Hange after a while.

Sara huffed softly, “There’s always something to do.”

She’d barely finished speaking as a bell tolled back at the manor, calling people to rise and for breakfast.

As they headed back, Sara was quickly pulled away to answer questions and to give direction. Maybe it was a deliberate attempt to distract her, to keep her mind off things but it didn’t feel like it to Levi. The people here relied on her and sought her leadership.

They all sat down to eat, looking for Erwin to appear but Sara stopped them from fetching him.

“He always liked the beds here, even as a boy. Let him sleep. I’m sure he needs it,” Sara said as she looked to Levi and Hange, who agreed.

After picking at her breakfast, Sara invited them to join her in checking the traps. Hange agreed and, at her look, Levi left them to it, saying he would wait for Erwin.

It was a quiet walk and Sara was starting to get lost in her own head again.

Hange broke the silence, having questions. Being away from the house maybe she could ask them.

“Do you think we’re safe?” Hange asked. Sara stopped, turning to her. “Will Huber’s men try and attack us anyway?”

Sara shook her head, walking on. “No, I don’t think so. I heard a few of them talking. Once the money stopped, they were quick to give up on it. Jacob was the one targeting you.”

“Sara,” Hange said, stopping her again, then pulling her in for a hug. “I didn’t it say yesterday. Thank you.”

Sara went stiff.

“Thank you for saving us,” Hange continued. “Thank you.”

This simple touch of gratitude was enough to break her. Sara’s breath hitched and she started to cry, clutching Hange tight. She sobbed, shaking hard. Her legs gave and they both sank to the ground.

More than anything, as a soldier, Hange had seen the way emotions could churn inside a person and, without a way to vent them, it became hard to stay sane. Hange kept her friend close as Sara cried herself out.

Xxxxxxxxx

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Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66219751#workskin>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback loved!


	23. Reforged Steel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara starts to right herself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback welcome
> 
> This and the next couple of chapters are just following the group on a sort of day off BUT romance coming!

Having taken so long, Erwin, having risen, and Levi had gone to find their wayward friends. They met them on their way back, Hange carrying a pair of freshly caught rabbits, blood still dripping.

As the two men reached them, Levi couldn’t help but mutter, “Disgusting.”

Sara’s head came up and she looked him in the eye. It was clear she had been crying but she was steady.

There it was. That fire. The steel in her bones.

“You don’t like rabbit? Shame. No stew for you then,” she said, cooly teasing, knowing full well he had been speaking of the gore.

Erwin gave her an encouraging look, clearly relieved to see the spark too. 

As a group, they began their walk back, then Erwin stopped, pointing.

“Wasn’t that the tree…?”

“Erwin…” Sara said, disapproving. “I was 6. And you should have known better.”

Erwin huffed a laugh and it tugged a tiny smile from Sara. 

They walked on, reminiscing about simpler times filled with reading books, climbing trees and children’s laughter.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-xx-x

Sara was directing Hange to a waiting staff member to hand off the rabbits when there was a call.

A cart filled with goods was waiting with Charlotte. She patted a box, opened to show the books inside.

Charlotte shrugged, uncomfortable and reluctant. “I said it would be coming…”

Sara gave a big sigh but nodded. “To the study with them then.”

Between them, they carried the books to the room, while the other supplies were put away.

Erwin frowned at it all. “What is all this?”

“My ledgers,” Sara replied. “I’m sorry. I need to deal with this.”

“Can we help?” he asked.

Sara shook her head then gave a half-smile. “You can keep me company?”

They got organised and comfortable, Charlotte bringing tea. Hange and Erwin settled in front of the fire with a game of chess and Levi was shown the bookshelves. He dropped himself into a chair opposite Sara, keeping half an eye on her.

Sara got to work, pen scratching away as she tried to make sense of the mess left behind in her absence. She could see the attempts made to keep things in order with receipts, notes and letters but the sooner it was all corrected, the sooner her staff and suppliers could be paid correctly.

She worked steadily, able to send the delivery cart back with a set of instructions for her workers before it left. Charlotte helped where she could before going to assist with the daily chores, leaving the others to watch over her friend.

An hour or so passed before Erwin and Hange went to fetch fresh drinks. In that brief time, the quiet was enough.

As the pair re-entered the room with a full tray, Levi held up a finger to his mouth to quiet them.

Sara was asleep, slumped over her work. Her exhaustion had finally caught up with her. Levi had placed his jacket over her to keep her warm.

Erwin was relieved to see her at rest.

Levi indicated a piece of paper in front of him. It was a scribbled note with details for logistical support and a list of non-perishables in varying amounts that could be stored in different locations along their routes outside Wall Rose. Blankets, medical supplies, even cleaning items.

Even now, Sara thought of them and the needs of the Survey Corps.

They left her in peace, Erwin and Hange going to find Charlotte and the others to see if there was any work to do.

Levi stayed behind, keeping watch.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Soundtrack option 

Daughter - Youth

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24JIe0fKNHU>

Mood board/chapter banner

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631575978544660480>

Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66219776#workskin>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI I'm not sure about ratings so they may go up as we get to the "exciting" stuff. Please let me know what you think.


	24. Lighting a fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flame starts to kindle

The bell for lunch woke Sara.

She quickly became mortified at having fallen asleep like that. Levi didn’t say anything but somehow she had the distinct impression he was amused by her flustered state.

As they walked down to join the others for lunch, Levi asked about the note.

“You really think you can supply all that?” he asked.

Sara was thoughtful, realistic. “It’s going to take some time, but I think so.”

She glanced back at him to find he had stopped and was frowning at her.

“What is it?”

Not for the first time, he was struck by how different she was, unlike anyone he’d ever met. Soldier, civilian, merchant, noble… she stood apart.

“You’re an Abnormal,” he said, a little at odds with his own thoughts.

Sara gave her small, sad smile. “Just like the rest of you then.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “You’ll never be a Scout.”

Sara recoiled slightly, hurt by his tone. “I know that,” she replied sharply. Her head tilted, trying to understand, “Levi, what’s the mat-?”

But he walked on, passing her. “Let’s go. The others are waiting.”

Not sure what to make of it all, Sara followed behind while Levi internally cursed at himself.

He hadn’t felt this protective since Isabel was alive.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Sara thankfully got away with only light teasing from Hange about the sleep marks on her face.

After they had eaten, all relieved Sara was taking more than just a few bites, one of the stable boys, Oskar, asked to borrow Sara for advice and approval on repairs.

The trio went with her, checking their horses that had been allowed into a nearby paddock.

Levi soon followed after Sara to the stable, having seen Oskar coming back out with a stack of wooden boards. He overheard her voice at the door.

“Yes yes I love you too,” came Sara’s voice, patient.

Curious, he kept listening.

She made a disgusted sound. “Well thank you for that.”

Quiet, then. “Maybe we’ll go for a ride tomorrow, how does that sound?”

He came round the door to see her exiting a horse stall, closing the gate behind her. Her horse nudged at her with its head and Sara smiled fondly, running a hand along its neck and rubbing its muzzle.

“Nice horse,” he said.

Sara’s smile turned to him. “She’s a handful.” She picked at her clothes, plucking at bits of straw. “Rue likes to play, as you can see.” One last pat and Sara stepped away.

Levi stopped her, moving close into her space and raising a hand.

Sara flinched slightly, instinctive, but she stilled. “What are you doing?”

He pulled a piece of straw from her hair, showing it to her. She watched him as Levi carefully pulled more, smaller pieces.

He was so close.

Pulling the last bit free, he smoothed the few dishevelled strands with his fingertips and Levi’s eyes locked hers.

The air between them heated.

Her mouth worked as if to speak, drawing his attention there.

Sara felt her pulse pick up. “I should…”

“Sara?”

She stiffened at Hange’s call but didn’t move.

Levi dropped his hand. “You should go.”

Sara moved round him, walked away, replying, “Coming”.

Levi was left pondering at his own reaction.

“Huh.”

xxxxxxxx

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<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631576213400485888>

Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66219796>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter is clear in my intention to draw a line between the brotherly affection Levi could feel for Sara (like Erwin does) and the more romantic interest they have for each other. Basically, they can't really be alone together anymore without feeling very aware of each other. They've known each other for years now and while they've not spent a huge amount of time together, there's always been "something there" even if it's just physical attraction.


	25. The duty of everyday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No rest for the wicked

The day carried on and Sara split her time between her guests and doing what was needed.

The weight on Sara hadn’t vanished but had eased with their company.

With Jacob no longer interfering, it was also a relief to many of the staff to have a steady employer to work for. One who didn’t refuse funds for basic repairs or question the need for the simplest of necessities.

Mario, an old gent who had been working at the manor for years, had expressed this to Sara.

The comments made her very quiet but she accepted the words as they were meant, without cruelty. 

Levi shadowed her for most of the day, helping where he could, staying out the way when he couldn’t.

He trailed after Sara when she went into the large storage barn where Mario and Oskar were fixing a hole in the roof.

“How's it going?” she called up.

“Good!” replied Oskar, peering down. “If we can keep doing it in sections, we shouldn’t waste too much of the woo-”

“Look out below!” Mario shouted across as his hammer fell.

Sara was a good metre away from where it was falling but Levi grabbed her by the waist, pulling her back.

“You OK?” Oskar called.

“I’m fine,” Sara replied, though shocked at Levi’s actions.

Her back was flush against his chest. When Levi didn’t move, she swallowed hard.

Her eyes met his as she looked over her shoulder.

“Be more careful,” he said, terse.

Irritated at his tone, she was about to contest his words when he let her go, turning and walking back to the main house.

Leaving her to her work. And frustration.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Inside, things were peaceful.

Chess. Drinking tea. Talking. Reading.

It made Levi a little itchy to sit still like this but watching Hange take an impromptu nap and Erwin nearly lose a quick game to Charlotte, it was clear they had needed the break.

When they sat down for dinner, the low chatter made everything feel warm and comfortable.

Levi sat opposite Sara and watched as she pushed her stew around. She was becoming quiet and withdrawing again.

“You should eat more,” he said, speaking up.

Sara paused, and there it was again. Her fiery spirit. “And perhaps you should stop telling me what to do,” she said primly.

A little dumbfounded by her reply, most at the table gaped at Sara. Hange couldn’t help cackling laugh.

Levi's eyes narrowed but he said nothing.

The hint of an impertinent smile touched Sara’s mouth as she took another spoonful.

She had been hyper-aware of him all afternoon and it had begun to irritate her just how far he could get under her skin. 

Erwin’s eyes bounced between them, a small smile on his face.

Honestly, he was heartily amused to see someone so unaffected by Levi’s intimidating nature, who was willing to talk back to him.

Especially if it meant Sara was acting more like herself than he’d seen in years.

xxxxxxx

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Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66219820#workskin>


	26. Sacrificial pawns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief interlude

They went back up to the study, Hange bringing the wine with her, ready to spend their last evening together.

Sara started to tidy away the chessboard but Levi moved into one of the chairs, simply giving her a look. She considered it, then took a seat.

“Careful Levi,” warned Erwin.

“You only say that because I beat you last time,” said Sara.

“Two of your students are going to battle it out then! How exciting!” Hange said, settling down to watch.

“Erwin taught you too?” Sara asked, eyes going to the man in question.

“He was a shitty teacher,” Levi replied.

“I’ll have to change my playing style,” she said, looking back to Levi. “Erwin’s methods are truly… unique.”

  
Erwin clearly took that as a great compliment much to Levi’s chagrin, having personally been on the receiving end of those ‘unique methods’ more than once.

As the game started Erwin watched intently. It was very interesting to him to see such different approaches given he had tutored both. 

While pondering her next move, not for the first time, Sara could understand why others found Levi so unnerving; his unwavering stare, his occasional, usually rude, remarks, even the way he would hold himself, his ready violence.

She maneuvered her knight to take his queen.

It was at odds with how she’d seen him awkwardly holding a child or watched as he affectionately patted his horse.

Or how she’d felt the radiating heat of his body, even through layers of clothes, his hand her to him.

Sara chewed on her bottom lip, trying to get her mind back to the game, not seeing Levi staring at her mouth again.

Hange and Charlotte became increasingly loud supporters, thanks primarily to the alcohol. As the match drew to a close and their spectators yawning more and more, Sara conceded defeat. It had been a good game, challenging.

She quietly thanked Levi, before going to help Charlotte to bed, the two women bidding them all goodnight.

Levi’s eyes followed her as she left the room.

xxxxxx

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Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66219841#workskin>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback loved!


	27. Moonlight's touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You only live once

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll just leave this here... (internal screaming)

The full moon was out, casting shadows across the ground.

It was very late. The manor had closed down for the night and everyone had long since retired to bed.

Levi had gone out to get some air.

Hange had been snoring, having overindulged in the wine. Levi wasn’t sure how Erwin was sleeping through it.

The hint of movement and his attention was drawn to the back of the main house.

Sara sat at her bedroom window ledge, a bare foot hanging in the air.

It severely irritated him to see her being so reckless.

He felt he had done a piss-poor job of watching her earlier, falling asleep the way he had. He’d be damned if he let her accidentally fall to her death on his watch.

X-x-x

Sara had heard the steps outside her door, so she wasn’t startled when she heard a knock. She hoped it hadn’t woken Charlotte who was down the hall.

Levi stepped inside, closing the door behind him. “Falling out a window is a shitty way to die.”

She acknowledged him but stayed where she was on the large window seat. As he came closer she could see he was checking that she was safe enough.

“I was just thinking about what you said. About regret and choices.” Sara looked back out at the moon. “Good ones. Bad ones.” Her head tilted one way, then the other, then she gave a humourless chuckle. “It was a loveless marriage but I could have just been a nobleman’s wife, lived in luxury and excess till the end of my days…”

Levi’s eyes cut to her. “So you regret helping us after all?”

Her reply was firm. “Never.”

He nodded once, almost thankful. He settled down next to her on the wooden bench, leaning against the opposite frame, bringing his knee up to prop an arm on.

Again, he was so close to her.

Closer than propriety would allow in the elitist company she was used to. Even those in her care, her workers and the veterans alike, kept a polite distance. She could count on one hand the number of people who would treat her as “normal”. Maybe it was just his lack of manners, but now it seemed Levi truly had joined their ranks.

Sara’s eyes went back to the sky.

“I suppose I just wish it hadn’t gotten so far.” She felt serious and wistful all at once. She frowned as she spoke, “If you die doing something you chose to do, is it a wasteful?”

Levi considered it. “Maybe you shouldn’t ask a member of the Scout Regiment.”

“True,” she replied, huffing a sad laugh. “But we _all_ have to live with our choices and just believe it’s all for the best, don’t we?”

She straightened slightly, squaring her shoulders, almost like she was making a vow. “The Military Police may still come for me tomorrow. Or the day after. Or the day after that. I just have to make the choices I’ll regret least in the meanwhile. Right?”

Of course, he didn’t smile but something in his face shifted. He looked almost proud.

Sara smiled softly in return. “Thank you,” she said quietly. “For coming here. I appreciate it.”

Levi looked away, saying nothing. He seemed uncertain like he was unused to such words and couldn’t understand them.

She wondered if she’d made him uncomfortable. Sara thought for a moment he might just leave but he stayed where he was with her.

After a long pause, Levi asked, “What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know,” Sara replied. “Carry on. Do what I can I suppose.”

“You should do what you want,” he countered.

“What I want…”

A novel idea in its own way.

He watched her as she thought that over. Then her eyes went to his face. For a long time, just looking and, as before, the temperature between them seem to rise.

“What would you do?” she whispered.

Again, Levi didn’t answer but his eyes dropped to her mouth before he looked away.

Sara took a moment to gather her courage. He was leaving tomorrow. If this was going to happen it had to be now.

Just in case. For both of them.

She moved over to him, leaning in close and pressed her lips to his.

Levi watched her throughout, not blinking.

As she pulled back, Sara gave him a small, self-deprecating smile. “No regrets. Right?”

Thinking she had completely misread him, taking his non-response for disinterest, she moved to stand but his hand went to her waist. Levi pulled her back in, kissing her hard.

Surprised, Sara's hands clenched at his clothes but she quickly melted into it and Levi kissed her again. And again, holding her tighter.

She wasn’t the only one who wanted this.

It was intense. When his tongue slipped into her mouth, she shuddered against him.

He shifted himself, hands going to her hips to pull her more bodily against him then his hand moved up, cupping her breast through her clothes and Sara gasped harshly.

They stayed that way, becoming breathless, tasting again and again until it became too much. Levi moved her away to make her stand and he followed, yanking up the edge of her blouse to get to the skin underneath.

She wanted more of him too. Sara tugged at his jacket, pulling it at the shoulders. He shrugged it off, lips barely leaving hers. His shirt followed it.

Levi yanked again at her other clothes, seams straining. She pulled away to tug her blouse off over her head. She moaned softly as his mouth trailed down the line of her neck and collar bone.

Her skirt went next, along with his shoes and trousers. Sara’s lips went to his shoulder, kissing open-mouthed against his skin as he undid the front ties of her bra.

Once it was out the way, he bent to press his mouth against her breast. His teeth scraped against her sensitive skin and she hissed, her head falling back.

Levi’s mouth trailed back up before he grabbed a handful of her hair, angling her head so he could kiss her again. He walked her backward over to the bed, pushing her down before divesting them both of their underwear.

He spread her legs spread wide as he settled between them. Holding himself up with one arm, he went back to her breasts to feel and kiss.

Sara’s breath caught, her hands going to his hair and then down to his shoulders and back, anywhere she could reach. He was all sinewy muscle. Strength and heat.

When he moved back so he was draped on top of her, her legs came up higher around his body, keeping him close. Levi ground his hips against hers, once, twice, and he was able to feel her readiness.

He touched her face, pulling her attention to seeing him. He looked her straight in the eye as he drove himself deep inside her. Sara cried out, arching, eyes falling shut with the feel of it.

Levi grunted, clenching his jaw, holding tight to his self-control.

After a long, settling moment, he began moving slowly within her, firm, steady thrusts. Sara opened to it and he bit softly into her shoulder as she rocked in sync against him, pleasure building and building. 

It was so good. She wanted to stay in the moment but he was too virile. Too consuming. Soon her vision blurred as she climaxed hard with a sharp cry.

But he wasn’t done yet.

Levi hitched her legs higher around him, driving deeper. Moving faster. The sensation of her body rippling, gripping his, was too much. His hand moved to her shoulder, the other to her hip, grabbing for leverage. He finished with a harsh sound, holding her tighter, leaving bruises.

As he collapsed against her, her hands moved back up to his hair, soothing as he shuddered.

They lay there a while, just breathing together. Lost in sensation.

xxxxxx

Mood board/chapter banner

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Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66219856#workskin>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...
> 
> Any thoughts for rating? Does it need to go up?
> 
> Seriously. I'm a bit clueless here.


	28. The poetry of intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What came next...

All to soon, Levi came back to himself. He had gotten carried away. Carefully, he pulled back. Sara’s legs fell closed and she lay there, throwing an arm over her face, hiding her eyes.

As he stood up, he spied a washbasin in the corner. After tugging on his underwear, Levi went to it to get her something to clean herself with.

“Sara,” he said, prompting, offering her a cloth.

She breathed a laugh. “You know I think that may be the first time you’ve used my name.”

When Sara still didn’t move, he noticed a single tear trailing down.

Concerned, he asked, “Did I hurt you?”

Her arm rubbed against her eyes and she moved to sit up. “No,” Sara said, not really looking at him. “It's just been a long time since anyone’s touched me like that.”

She took the cloth from him with a quiet thank you.

He turned to put his trousers on. It had been a good while for him too. Maybe that explained why he wanted her again already.

Levi watched out of the corner of his eye as she got up, taking the blanket with her to cover herself, putting the cloth back in its bowl.

“Get some sleep,” he said, reaching for his shirt. He heard her sigh heavily.

“Levi,” Sara said, getting his attention as she moved close. Her hand went to his face and she kissed him gently. “Stop telling me what to do,” she said with an easy half-smile.

Even in the moonlight, he could see the marks he’d left on her shoulder. Levi’s hand went up to touch but stopped just short. He frowned, annoyed with himself, worried that it could become very awkward.

Sara seemed to understand his concern. “You don’t have to worry. I’m not some clinging, dewy-eyed virgin.” She paused. “Are you…?”

Levi’s eyes shot back to her face and he saw the wobble in her mouth. She was teasing him, trying not to laugh.

“You brat.”

Sara smiled. Her first full one in weeks. Maybe months. “Little too old to be a brat.”

His eyes narrowed and dropped his shirt back to the floor. He pulled her in against his chest, kissing that smile. He nudged her back to the bed, making sure they got in properly this time. Sara was still smiling, even chuckling quietly, when he muttered something about ‘showing her a fucking virgin’ under his breath. 

She didn’t last long after that, exhausted, falling into a deep sleep.

Levi watched her for a while. He had been relieved at her words. This had been about seizing the moment. Release. The comfort of touch.

They had no expectations of each other.

His mind drifted before he got up to dress. Levi had seen it a few times, older people sat together, over wine, reminiscing, sharing a fond look of remembered good experiences.

Maybe if they survived that long, he could have that with her.

Something strange settled in his chest. It was almost like something to look forward to.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Sara wasn’t surprised to find herself alone in her bed when she woke. Whatever else happened between them, she would always be grateful to Levi. He had been exactly what she needed.

She stretched, feeling limber but well-rested. Ready.

The sun had risen and it wouldn’t be long before the first bell sounded for the day.

Sitting up, she ran one hand over another. She felt different.

Her hands would never be truly clean again. William may never forgive her for taking his father away forever but if she could just see him one more time, Sara was sure she could die, if not happy, then at least content.

Despite their incompetence, she knew it was a real possibility the MPs could still come for her, so she would live her life accordingly.

Mind ticking over, she rose to wash and dress, making plans as she went.

Firstly, she wanted to see her son, make sure he was safe. Sara had no clue as to where he was or what Lord Wolff would be telling him. He was too young to understand everything now but, if she lived that long, maybe when he was older, she could explain. Maybe it was too much to hope for but it was something to strive toward.

Next. The Scout Regiment. She renewed the vow she made to herself to support them. She wanted to see the endless sky beyond the walls that Erwin spoke of. Moreover, she wanted William to see it. And for him to know the truth of their world.

Then her family’s business. More than one of Jacob’s creditors had already come forward, claiming a large debt to be repaid. She would have to settle them but she also knew, should the worst happen, she would have to make contingencies for her workers, securing what she could for their futures.

The same for the veterans. She had failed them before. She wouldn’t again. She would restart the records too. She owed that to Noah.

More and more, she added to her list and just before she left her room to start the day with the others, Sara added that she wanted to see Levi laugh, just once. Just to see what that looked like.

xxxxxxxxx

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Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66219880#workskin>


	29. Paths old and new

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking their leave

Erwin woke to see Levi packing up his belongings, getting ready for their return journey later that day. It seemed their time here was quickly coming to a close. He could only hope their visit had provided some comfort to Sara.

The men came in to find Sara and Hange discussing methods for Titan capture. Thankfully Charlotte, Joanna and Fredrick weren’t there to overhear but Erwin watched as one of the staff scurried away, looking a little nauseous.

Sara acknowledged him with a little nod as he joined them.

“Maybe if you used longer pegs?” Sara asked.

“To secure the limbs?”

Sara nodded, pointing. “If the ropes could be secured through those hoops, then longer pegs could pin it here and here. Should make it easier to transport.”

Hange showed Erwin the rough sketch she had drawn and he took it from her, considering.

“An interesting idea,” he said and Hange lit up with excitement.

“That’s not a yes, shitty four-eyes,” Levi said, sitting down next to Sara, reaching for a tea cup. He glanced at Sara and she caught it. It was just a glance, a cognisant, but it was enough.

Erwin looked up for the sketch, turning his attention to Sara. “You’re looking better today,” he said kindly.

“Levi helped me.”

Levi didn’t move but was grateful he hadn’t taken a drink otherwise he might have spat it out. He could see a tiny secret smile tugging on her mouth.

“He reminded me about what you used to say about regrets,” she continued.

Erwin smiled gently, remembering. “And so?”

“And so I have a business to run,” Sara gave a half shrug. “… and a Scout Regiment to support.”

“I’m relieved to hear it,” Erwin said.

She looked away but nodded. “I made my choice a long time ago.”

When she looked back at him, Erwin looked a little torn; sad, but also proud.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

As Hange and Erwin said their last good byes to the others, Levi went to get on his horse and Sara followed him, allowing for a few minutes of privacy. Hange could see Sara was gently petting his horse while they exchanged a few words.

Hange had always thought it was an odd friendship but no more than any Levi had found. She joined them with her horse in tow, overhearing Sara wish him a good journey.

Levi looked as he always did but he nodded to her and Sara gave a small smile in return.

“Well,” Hange said. “Until next time.”

“Be careful out there,” Sara replied to her, the tilted her head in Levi’s direction. “Try not to drive anyone too crazy.”

Hange grinned. “No promises!” she said, saddling up.

Erwin came last, his hand going to her shoulder. They didn’t say anything, just had a quiet moment of support and affection before he turned to get on his horse as well.

“I’ll write soon,” he said.

“Behave yourself,” Sara replied, a gentle tease.

He huffed a laugh as he turned his horse away and Sara waved them goodbye.

Time to get to work.

xxxxx

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Additional notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66505294>


	30. Blood in the water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Threats and secrets

Eventually the call had come to deal with ownership of the Huber estate.

Sara had been expecting it and had prepared accordingly, so was able to go armed with stacks of paperwork, ready to defend herself against those who plotted to take everything from her.

Almost unbelievably, everything was to be inherited by Sara and then her son, thanks to a will that had been drawn up when her parents had still been alive. Jacob, in his infinite arrogance, had clearly always assumed he’d outlive her. She was probably only still alive thanks to the fall of wall Maria and the wide spread and complicated nature of her family’s business practices that Jacob had never bothered to learn.

At the meeting, Lord Wolff had been in attendance but the older man had said nothing, simply agreeing to her having it all, happy to bide his time for a more direct negotiation later. He wouldn’t be looking to kill her just yet, not with her position and influence still beneficial to him.

Sara hated every second of it. She could quite happily light the fuse and watch the main property burn for the next hundred years. But that would take away jobs and livelihoods ...and a bargaining chip for later.

Once everything started to settle down, many of the Lady wives had visited Sara and she was vaguely horrified by what they would over share. Now, with her husband gone, it was obvious some felt they could be more open with her. Some secrets were shared in full confidence. Others through almost wilful ignorance or stupidity.

Affairs. Illegitimate children. Despicable business practises.

She scoffed to herself at her own hypocrisy. She was a killer and a spy after all.

As she had always done, Sara sat quietly, absorbing it all. Anything that was of use to Erwin and the others she would send on using Charlotte and now Nina to pass it over.

Nina had, finally, come forward, admitting she had been sent by Jacob to watch her. As if Sara hadn’t known. The girl had sincerely begged for forgiveness. After receiving it, Nina had sworn her allegiance and Sara chose to believe her. She could see the weight that had been lifted from the young girl and Sara started to make plans to help further her education, help bring her up strong so she could survive their cruel world.

As the weather began to turn colder, Sara tried harder to prioritise the health and well being of those in her care but it was difficult.

The Cartwright business was going well but Jacob had used her name and his own status to rack up obscene debts. She had made deal after deal, but it could take months, if not years, to clear them all. She wondered if Lord Wolff knew about them, thus keeping her around to deal with the problem before killing her and taking what he wanted.

She couldn’t tell Erwin though. He couldn’t know. She had promised him those supplies and he would get them, it would just take much longer than either of them would like. And he had more important things to worry about than her troubles.

She thought about him a lot. And Zoe. And Mike. And Moblit. And Ness. And Brier. And Marlene. And all the others. Especially with the weather starting to change.

And then there was Levi.

At odd times, she would think about his hands. His eyes. His mouth.

Zoe kept her up to date and Sara wondered if Levi had told her of their night together.

‘Probably not,’ she concluded.

For as much as Zoe could be trusted to keep it to herself, she would have wanted details.  
  


xxxxxx

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Notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66505342>


	31. Balancing books

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s always paperwork

  
The annual meetings felt like a waste of time and effort but they did have purpose. It gave the commanders opportunity to ensure the fealty of their benefactors and to iron out any specific requests from both the public and the corps. The posturing of both noble and merchant meant they were usually held to their promises and helped secure investment beyond the taxes gathered from the general populace.

In the last few years, wall defences had received priority for funding, especially for the new cannons, and then resources for training which focused more on ODM skills. While the Scout regiment had seen an increase due to public demand after the fall of Wall Maria as a way of encouraging its retaking, it had been minimal. As always, the Military Police got a nice cut for themselves to help protect the King and aristocracy.

Sara resisted the urge to scratch at the stiff lace irritating her neck, watching from her quiet corner as noble, merchant and soldier alike stood about discussing budget constraints and pledged patronage, and complaining about the status quo and false promises. Erwin was skilfully enticing a wavering merchant with the possibility of reclaiming farmland beyond Wall Rose. Commander Pixis was in the opposite corner sharing a drink with a couple of nobles and Captain Carsten. While the Commanders did their best to source any last minute investors, a few Section Leaders flitted about, trying to get everything in order for presentation.

Brier had spotted Sara and had gone straight to her. After exchanging pleasantries and having a quick catch up, they started talking about the proposed budget and provision allocation. As the man primarily responsible for correlating all the budget information for the Scouts, Brier would take any help he could get. While his fellow comrades were steadfast and earnest in their desire for humanity’s survival, many had poor academic and time keeping skills, preferring to leave the finer details to the higher ups.

Like him, much to his annoyance.

Brier had handed Sara a file to review, asking her to double check it. She read through to see it was a set of simplified figures and projections for the coming year as well as a breakdown of the current year’s spending. She could see his hastily added notes and corrections. They got themselves comfortable at one of the few free tables, pouring over the numbers, making sure everything added up.

“You look like you need to take a shit,” said Levi, in lieu of a greeting, slumping into the free chair.

“I’m not surprised,” Sara replied, giving him a half smile. They shared a long look. Despite their last meeting, he didn’t seem to be treating her any differently so Sara decided to just follow his example.

“You have good timing,” she said, gaze going back to the papers in front of her, while Brier recovered from his shock of Levi’s words. “Are there any consumables the regiment regularly runs short on? Ink? Paper? We need to allocate some extra money.”

“Black tea.”

“That’s a luxury. Anything else?” Levi shrugged. “Who else is here? Mike? Ness? Don’t ask Zoe. She’ll just want more lab equipment.” She looked over at the groups of people and tried to spot any other Scouts to ask them.

Levi frowned at Brier. “This isn’t her job.”

Sara frowned at Levi in return. “I’m happy to help.”

Brier gave an embarrassed smile. “Her Ladyship has always had a better head for numbers than me. I wish you could be our civilian consultant or something.”

Sara smiled back. “Then I’d never get any of my own work done.” She explained to Levi, “It’s not always like this. It’s just these meetings are always a nightmare.”

She knew that from her own experiences with the merchant guild.

Brier nodded. “And with submissions at the last second, new donations to be accounted for...”

Sara shook her head in sympathetic agreement as she opened another file. She passed a sheet to Levi, asking him to check through it before inquiring to Brier about another set of scribbled numbers.

“Here,” said Levi, indicating a mistake on a request form. Sara hummed, agreeing, telling Brier so he could right a Section Leaders mistake from a last minute requisition. It was almost mortifying to see it.

Levi leaned closer, taking in the corrected break down in front of her, and pointed again. “This and this too.”

Sara gave him a small smile. “Levi, I won’t bankrupt the Scout Regiment just to get you more cleaning supplies.”

Brier laughed quietly as a small bell rang, calling for the start of the official meeting. He stood to take the amended work to Erwin. “Thank you for your help Ladyship.”

Sara waved off his gratitude. “Any time.”

Brier went ahead as Sara and Levi stood to follow.

The pair paused, waiting as people slowly filed in to the main hall.

“I haven’t been able to come to these meetings for years. I always had to wait outside,” Sara said.

“Why would you want to? It’s nothing but a headache.”

“I have to do what I can to support Erwin,” she replied. She watched as the Scout Commander placed a friendly but firm hand on the merchant next to him. It was jovial if a touch intimidating, especially given Erwin’s height and stature. Whatever he said made the merchant nod immediately.

‘Charismatic bastard,’ she thought, fond smile on her face. She didn’t notice Levi watching her.

“Do you think you’ll be doing many more expeditions before winter?” she asked, eyes still on Erwin.

“Two more are planned,” Levi said. He sounded impatient.

“I suppose this all feels like a waste of time to you,” she said, looking back at him.

“We should be training, not begging for scraps. They should all know by now what little intel we have. The Titans could still attack us at any moment. We need to get back out there.”

Sara nodded. She agreed, sharing the sentiment. The thought of another crisis like when Wall Maria fell filled her with dread.

“Well let’s see if we can’t rustle up some tea leaves for your next trip, hmm?” she said, offering a supportive smile. She moved forward, following the people in front so she could take her seat.

Again, she missed the way Levi’s eyes followed her.

X-x-x-x-x

Erwin scanned the hall again. He knew the Section Commanders and Squad Captains at his back were doing the same.

As they had done every year, each Commander would give a brief statement as to their devision’s goal for the next year, giving attention to any special projects. Commander-in-Chief Zackly would weigh in if he felt there were any questions to be raised before asking if any noble, companies or even individuals would like to patronise the specific branch beyond simply endorsing the military as a whole. Most of the time, it was all considered just a formality as most alliances had been long standing arrangements for years.

The Survey Corps always went last.

Erwin had made his speech, brief and to the point, simply restating their ambitions beyond walls and the need for additional resources for research into the Titan mystery.

Commander Zackly thanked him for his dedication and then asked for patrons. There was a brief, weighted pause. The regiment’s representatives seem to tense as a group.

Silence.

Then Sara raised her hand, seemly fed up with the other, higher ranking noble’s reluctance. “The Huber estate and Cartwright Company are proud to continue their support of the Scout Regiment.”

She looked so regal, sat elegantly in her high necked dress. Imperial.

Under her look, those who had hesitated quelled and began to speak up too, adding their names and support. Thankfully that included Lord Rouser, who could afford to be generous.

Her eye briefly caught Erwin’s and they shared the briefest hint of a smile. The soldiers behind him started to relax.

As the meeting drew to a close, all the pomp and circumstance fell out the window. People mingled more freely, relaxed and chatting, though most of the nobility left immediately.

Stepping out into the cool air, Erwin invited Sara to join them for dinner.

He saw her hesitate, like she was waiting for the reprimand or warning. Then she gave an uneven smile. “I’d love to.”

xxxxx

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Notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66505444>


	32. Ante up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of scenes from different points of view
> 
> Levi, Sara, Hange, Mike

  
Back at headquarters, Levi watched as Hange quickly monopolised Sara’s attention, pulling her and Moblit along, talking at length about a recent Titan test subject. Though really nothing new had been learnt before it died, Hange was still very happy to share her feelings about it. Sara simply sat and listened through it all. She was much quieter than before, more serious, but still herself, at her core.

After dinner in the mess hall, she joined some of the officers as they moved to a quiet room, out of the way. Mike broke out a couple of bottles of his good whiskey. With alcohol warming and relaxing the group, the relief from today’s budget results became more apparent. They had all been quietly worried.

Over by the corner window, Erwin held out his glass for Sara to clink hers against while they talked quietly by themselves. He said something that made her look away, blushing a little, and Levi wondered exactly what he had said to evoke such a reaction. Mike joined them, topping up their glasses, looking amused at her flushed face which seemed to make it even more apparent. He decided it suited her.

As Mike moved on, Levi made his way over, staying out the way but within earshot, learning against the wall. If they wanted to keep their privacy, he would stand guard, run interference if he had to. Erwin spotted him, nodding his thanks before giving Sara his full attention.

X-x-x-x-x

“Have you had any contact with William?” Erwin asked as Sara took a sip of her drink.

“Just letters. His handwriting improved at least. One of his guards used to work at the estate. He’s starting writing to me too.”

It had been a surprise to receive the missives from Maiyer. She had been suspicious, of course, as the man had been employed by Lord Wolff not long after his redundancy from the estate but he simply shared the odd detail of William’s life and asked for nothing in return. He had always kind to William. She couldn’t be sure of his motives so Sara knew she had to be careful, but mostly, she was just grateful for any news of her boy.

Erwin, however, looked unimpressed. “Sara, I’ll use whatever influence I have-”

“No, you won’t,” she interrupted, stopping him before he could offer more. “Jacob was a bully, childish and petty. Lord Wolff is much more... insidious. This is just going to take time.”

“Isn’t there something to be done? What about the Military Police?”

Sara sighed. “They can’t help Erwin. I’ve already made some enquiries. They tell me it’s a family matter. They have no authority in it. Besides any further probing could mean a more thorough investigation into Jacob’s death. And that could be... troublesome.”

The fear of it kept her up at night. Not for herself but that Erwin and the others could be dragged further into it. She knew of the rumours, of what people mistakingly thought of her relationship with Erwin. The idea that he could be blamed as well, that he could lose his reputation or position, even his life, because of her actions, terrified her.

Sara knew how loyal the other Scouts were. They would get themselves involved too. Worse was the thought that Jacob’s murderous plot would be discovered and find support in others, then the regiment could be targeted again. For her, it was the stuff of nightmares.

“I’d bet he’s counting on that,” Erwin said, considering.

“On what?”

“You. Protecting us. If he knows what happened.”

“Don’t think me so noble,” she said looking away. “I’m merely protecting myself.”

His hand went to her shoulder. “No. You’re not.”

She waved off his words and he dropped his hand. “Who am I to doubt the gambler between us?” she said, giving him a weak smile. “If Lord Wolff knows what my priorities are then maybe it will make negotiating with him easier.”

“I don’t like this Sara,” Erwin said, his dissatisfaction and concern showing. “I can see this going poorly.”

“Yes, well, maybe you should stop being so inconveniently observant then.”

That pulled a smile from him at least and they both turned back to look over the room when Marlene let out a cheer. She and some others were playing cards in the corner and clearly she was winning. Sara noted Levi’s presence, surprised she hadn’t realised he was there before. Erwin went to observe the game but Sara stopped next to Levi.

“Eavesdropping is a bad habit,” she muttered to him.

“Said the spy,” Levi returned.

“Touché,” she conceded.

She sat herself down on the comfy chair next to him and he leant against the arm. Left alone, they talked. Nothing overly complicated or meaningful. Just about the new budget. About the possibility of improvement in the food being served in the mess hall. Their horses. His training. Her business.

Simple conversation, friendly even. Pleasant.

It was good while before Sara had to shift, titling her head to the side to stretch. Twisted at a slightly odd angle to speak to him, she had put strain along her back. The tightened skin from her scars would always cause her trouble if she sat awkwardly for too long without moving.

“You OK?” Levi asked, noting her discomfort.

She hummed, nodding. “I just get a little stiff sometimes.”

She had long since undone the top buttons of her dress to pushed the lace away, to finally try and stop it from irritating her but she tugged a little harder on the fabric so she could rub at the back of her neck. She didn’t see Levi’s eyes following her hand, glimpsing the skin underneath.

With her hair still tied up and material pulled aside, he could trail the line of her neck down to her collar bone. It was nothing explicit, nothing he hadn’t seen before when she wore different clothes. He had certainly seen more in the moonlight when they had been together.

But still...

Sara caught his stare out the corner of her eye and was confused for a second. Then registered the intensity in his gaze.

It was still there.

Whatever it was between them was still there.

“Sara, come and play!” Hange called from the card table, thankfully oblivious to the sudden tension.

Sara stood with a quiet, “Excuse me.”

She quickly made her way over to the group, trying to will her heart to stop pounding so hard.

X-x-x

Hange hadn’t been surprised by Sara’s request the following morning and had laughed when Sara had said she was going to burn her dress to ashes when she got home, having seen her spend hours stopping herself from tugging at the stiff collar. A fresh change of clothes was the least she could do after such an entertaining evening.

Sara had won hand after hand before bowing out for the night and being escorted to the guest quarters. Afterwards Erwin had, quietly and a touch gleefully, informed Hange that, unlike in chess, in all the years he’d known Sara, he had rarely won against her and he thought she could count cards. Hange had cackled at the officers who had lost, trying to save face, all claiming they had just been going easy on her.

After scrounging up what she could, Hange offered the selection of clothes to Sara who gratefully took them with the promise of returning what she had borrowed washed and pressed. Hange had tried to reassure her that she didn’t need to worry about it.

“It’s not like you’re borrowing clothes from Levi,” she had joked and Sara had gotten a very strange look on her face and laughed a little awkwardly.

At breakfast she had appeared was in uniform trousers and a crisp shirt. Unthinking, or rather, more though ignorance, Brier had said all she was missing was the gear and she really would fit right in. Thankfully Sara had taken it in good humour.

After eating, she had donned her riding cloak and said her goodbyes, heading home.

And not for the first time, Hange wished her friend had been able to become a Scout so they could all stay together, just for a bit longer.

Xx-x-x-x-x-x

Mike hated gossip.

Overhearing the newer recruits and their crazy theories about who was a couple within the Scout Regiment was one thing. It was even amusing.

Hearing them suggest Sara was sleeping with Erwin was another.

It wasn’t the first time he’d heard it. Nor the speculation that she and Erwin had been having an affair for years. One girl had been defensive but then said, after watching them eat breakfast together, that they looked like they had been childhood sweethearts and thought it would be lovely if they would get married, now Sara was free.

What had been really interesting was Levi’s reaction, him having overheard it too. His face had stayed expressionless but it looked was like it took effort for once.

Mike had a nose for it. Something was up there. Whether it was just annoyance at the disparaging of their Commander or the smearing of Sara’s good name or something else entirely, Mike wasn’t sure.

Either way, he’d keep it to himself.

For now.

  
xxxx

Mood board/chapter banner

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631577852175908864>

Random notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66505606>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve got songs/music stuck in my head! Where it fits I’ll add some suggestions for a soundtrack (all listenable through good ol’ YouTube for convenience).
> 
> If you guys think of any that would suit, let me know and I’ll try and to tag it in 😁


	33. The Price of Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a devastating mission, Levi brings some new records to Sara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!
> 
> (More internal screaming)

Levi hated rain like this.

It always brought bad memories.

He rode through it anyway, nearing his destination. He hadn’t even changed out of his uniform. As soon as everything was ready, he had headed out, hoping to make it before it got too dark.

Levi knew he should have stopped a good while ago and taken some time for himself, but the moment he had heard from Erwin that Sara was trying to restart the records of the dead and discharged, he knew what he had to do. So now he just had to get those papers into her hands.

  
Losing people never got easier. With every mission he had survived, Levi’s reputation had increased. All this crap about being ‘humanity’s strongest soldier’. He knew he was strong. His upbringing with Kenny had ensured he knew his own power.

‘It all counts for shit if you can’t do what’s needed,’ he had thought, bitterly.

Finally, he arrived, just as the fog rolled in. 

The older stable hand, Timothy, came out to help with his horse. After recognised the Survey Corps emblem and confirming he was there for Sara, he rang a loud bell, asking Levi to wait as he took down his satchel. Then Timothy pointed, directing him.

Sara stood at the covered doorway with a lantern.

“Levi.” She was shocked to see him, and the state he was in. “You’re soaked through. Come on,” she said, beckoning him. “Come with me.” 

She quickly led him into the break room, getting him a towel, which he took silently. After carefully putting his satchel down by the table and shrugging out of his cloak and jacket, he got to work drying the worst off.

Sara lit a couple of extra candles and she had him sit to rest before she went to put the water on for some tea. When she asked him if he was hungry, he snapped.

“I didn’t come here to be mothered,” he said, irritated by her fussing.

“Why are you here?” Sara replied, short, in response to his tone, but seeing the awful, hollow look on his face made her lose her bite immediately. She apologised. “I’m sorry, that was...”

She went to his side, a hand going to his shoulder, a friend’s touch. “You are always welcome here. Always.” 

Levi didn’t know what to do with her kindness. He looked away.

Sara gave him space and a few minutes while she sorted the pot and a small plate of food for him. She took a seat opposite, busying herself with fixing the tea. 

They sat in silence, while he picked at his food.

“I take it the expedition went… poorly?” she asked, trying to choose her words with care.

“You could say that, yeah,” Levi replied, taking a drink. “It was an shit show from start to finish.”

Sara’s eyes widened then dropped to her teacup, absorbing the news. 

“You know what an Abnormal is?” he asked.

“Yes,” she nodded. “A Titan that behaves in an unexpected way. Difficult to predict its movements or targets.” A textbook answer, but then she continued. “Mike, he… he says they’re terrifying.” 

“There were three of them, close to the wall. We took casualties almost immediately.”

Her mouth dropped open. “And with this weather…”

“We can’t keep taking losses like this.” His hand gripped his cup tighter.

“Is Erwin OK?” she asked, fearing the worst. “Zoe?” 

“As well as can be expected.”

Everyone had been quiet and grieving when he’d left. Most of his comrades had gone straight home to their families and loved ones, to seek their own comfort. He wondered how many would return.

Only a handful had remained to see to the wounded and handle the reporting of the dead. Levi turned to the bag by his side, carefully pulling out the protected records, putting them onto the table. “Here.”

She opened the wrapping to find the papers underneath. “Oh,” she whispered, immediately recognising them for what they were. 

Sara started leafing through them, looking for people she knew. Once or twice she paused, obviously finding some. From her reactions, he guessed it was no one she was especially close to but it still hurt her. As she got to the last one, she sighed heavily and raised her head to look at him.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, ready to take her anger or her grief.

Instead her hand reached across the table to him. It was just the weight of her fingertips against the back of his hand. Just that.

The numbness in his hands had finally receded and he could feel the warmth of her. It was enough for solace.

They stayed that way, tea going cool.

It was a while before he spoke again, having registered just how quiet it was beyond the sound of the rain.

“Are you alone here?”

Sara brought her hand back, a little self conscious. “There are guards in the store and warehouse. Timothy and Carlos live above the stable,” she explained. “Hendrick has taken Nina to visit her grandmother.”

Levi didn’t comment, unimpressed. She needed better security. At least when Huber was alive she was forced to have personal guards, even if she hated them.

“Any news on your boy?”

Sara looked away and shook her head. “Nothing.”

She didn’t want him to see her turmoil from that, especially in the light of his own grief. She stood, moving away to tidy up. Levi stayed where he was, finishing his cold tea, just watching her out the corner of his eye.

She looked so... alone.

Levi got up, following her, bringing his plate and cup with him, pulled like a magnet.

“Here,” he said, going to hand them off to her.

Lost in her thoughts, Sara startled a little at having him so close so quickly. She muttered a quiet “thank you” as she took the crockery from him and put it down. She had expected him to move away but he stayed close, not saying a word, just looking at her.

She blinked at him, stilling.

Maybe it was the prolonged touch, minimal though it had been. Maybe it was that his thoughts had calmed enough to come away from his anger and toward comfort. 

Maybe it was just the fact that she looked beautiful in candle light.

Something in the air had changed. Whatever it was, she felt it too.

It was a long, building moment before her eyes dropped lower, taking in the still wet collar, the patches where the damp material of his shirt clung to his skin.

Sara stepped away from him, reticent, before turning back, saying,“Come on.” 

She helped him gather his belongings then, bringing the files with her, she took him to the house next door. 

The house where Noah had died. 

It was silent. Not even ghosts lingered here.

Again he thought of how she needed protection.

He hung up his still dripping outer clothes on the empty hooks and, following her example, sat to take his boots off to leave by the door so not to track mud in.

She led him to the bedroom, where she had been disturbed from earlier. There were covered candles burning and the fire was lit, making the room warm. On the small desk sat a pile of papers; letters, names and faces. Levi could see they were Sara’s attempts to recreate what records she could from memory. Now he had brought more for her to keep safe. More burdens for her to carry.

After she carefully placed the files down, he watched as she pulled out a small rack from by the wardrobe to place near the fire. 

“You can use this to try and dry your clothes. You can’t ride out in this weather. Take the bed and get some rest,” Sara offered, turning to him.

Her eyes met his and he wondered just what was showing on his face to make her look back at him the way she did. Her lips parted and instantly his gaze was riveted there.

A moment then Sara shook herself, breaking eye contact, feeling uneasy like her clothes were too tight; almost shy, but it was like she had to restrain herself too.

As she went to go past him and out the door, Levi quickly took hold of her. Using his body, he pressed her against the wall, crowding close.

She tensed, gasping but not struggling, her hands clenched on his arms.

He kissed her, brief but firm.

She didn’t resist so Levi kissed her again, deeper, for longer.

He pulled his head back to look at her flushed cheeks and hooded eyes. “This OK?” he asked.

Her reply was to pull him back in, fingers sliding into his hair.

With permission, Levi pressed harder against her, holding her tighter, possessive, slipping his tongue into her mouth. His thought for second to just take her, there and then, hard against the wall, but he wanted to take his time, for them both to feel something other than pain or loss and make it last.

Taking her chin in his hand, he tilted her face so he could kiss her jaw and neck, down to her chest, groping hard through her clothes. He felt her breath catch, her head leaning back against the wall, but still holding tight to him, keeping him close as he feasted.

Sara started undoing the straps at his chest and when he pulled back to look at her lust filled eyes,it quickly became even more intense. He wouldn’t soon forget the sight of her slipping down to her knees in front of him, tugging at the buckles on his thighs. Once free of his gear, Levi pulled her back up to give her a scorching kiss. When they broke for air she tugged at his cravat, unwinding it from his neck before helping him with his shirt. Her nails scratched slightly at his skin as she felt the muscles on his chest.

He pulled at her skirt, raising it so he could get at her legs, bring one up to tug round his hip. Sara couldn’t help her little “Mmph!” against his lips, arms wrapping tight around his neck, when he grabbed her other leg, lifting her suddenly, carrying her to the bed and laying her down.

Levi pulled at the strings on her bodice, undoing it enough to get at her breasts properly, his hand squeezing gently. His mouth ran over the exposed skin, making her give breathy moans.

When he had had his fill, he turned his attention lower, pushing Sara’s legs wider under the bunched up material of her skirt. When he nipped at the inside of her thigh she gave a surprised sound, hands grabbing at his shoulders. He considered that maybe no one had done this to her before.

He worked his way to her core, intent on taking her apart and Sara panted his name again and again before bring her hand up to try and muffle her own sounds. She felt so sensitive she could hardly catch her breath. He watched through slitted eyes as she got more and more wound up, back arching in pleasure.

“Too many damn clothes...” Levi muttered, voice a low rumble, wanting to see more of her. He moved and pulled her to sit up, helping divest her of her clothes properly. Her hands reached for his belt and fly, brushing against his clothed length and he grunted. He shoved the last of their barriers out the way and moved them to get into bed properly, laying on top of her, ravishing her lips and neck. He would have to try hard not to mark her like he had last time.

Sara didn’t share that sentiment as she bit against his shoulder. She couldn’t get enough of him, the taste of him, his salty skin, the smell of the wild outdoors mixed with his own musky scent.

He pushed up, sitting back to lift her leg over his arm. He watched her as he guided himself in, entering her slowly, inch by inch and she grabbed at the bedding, writhing and crying out. Listening to her sweet sounds, Levi set a smooth, steady pace, eyes fixed on her flushed face and chest.

She settled, opened to him more, then Sara started to move with him, rocking up in sync, making him curse under his breath and tighten his grip on her. Keeping one hand on her leg, the other slipped down to where they were joined, toying with her, encouraging more of her little helpless moans of pleasure.

As he felt her climax approaching, he moved deeper within her and her hands pawed at him, pulling him closer. He eased forward just as Sara started to tip over, sealing his mouth over hers to swallow down her cry. She trembled and flexed against him, lost in her ecstasy, and he slowed, determined to draw it out just a little longer.

Overstimulated, she continued to gasp as he moved. She clawed at his back, leaving little crescent moons. Levi was headed fast toward his own release, unable to stop his pace from picking up, pistoning into her, holding her tighter. He panted against her ear, making her shiver.

Sara had gathered her wits just enough to whisper his name and he was lost, surging into her one last time, emptying himself hard inside her. His low groan of completion was breathed against her cheek.

It took a long time for both of them to catch their breath.

Eventually, when he could move again, Levi carefully pulled out and lifted his head. Her eyes were a little glazed, her cheeks were flushed and her mouth was kiss-swollen. A captivating sight.

He rolled to the side, and Sara moved with him, nuzzled against him, already half asleep from being so thoroughly sated.

She was so warm.

Levi held her close, breathing her in, his pulse returning to normal.

He wasn’t exactly one for cuddling but, for now, with her, he would savour every moment.

  
xxxxx

Soundtrack option 

Galleaux - Tether me

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVV1voapAeI>

Mood board/chapter banner 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631577999318368256>

Notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66505684>


	34. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward questions and a touch of denial

Sara was having a bad dream. She was flinching and had given more than one whimper. Levi touched her shoulder until she stirred, waking.

It took her a while to shake it off and come fully aware.

“You OK?” he asked.

Sara nodded, pulling the blanket higher around her shoulders. She was a little surprised he was still there. 

It was dead of night now and the rain hadn’t stopped but Levi had still thought about leaving. At the very least, going into a different room.

He’d gotten up and slipped on his underwear. He had stoked the fire, racked his clothes, folded hers. And then he had looked back at the bed as Sara moved in her sleep.

Her hair had come loose and fallen forward, curtaining over her face. Without thinking, he had reached, tucking it back behind her ear.

She’d shifted a little more, unconsciously going towards him, reaching out, seeking his heat.

Levi had gotten back into bed.

Isabel once told him that his eyes were strange and that his staring could be scary. He’d used it to his advantage more than once. People would cower under his look, tell him what he wanted, give up more than they had thought they could.

Sara just stared back at him.

She shifted again, turning onto her side properly, getting comfortable. “Did you sleep?” she asked, voice a touch raspy.

“Yeah.” Maybe a couple of hours. He hadn’t expected to asleep at all.

Sara hummed but said nothing more, just looking.

He had no idea what she saw. She was beautiful, but her staring was getting weird.

“What?” he asked.

“I was just thinking.” She gave a little shake of her head. “I known you for years. Still, so much I know about you is second hand.”

His eyes narrowed. “That shitty glasses should keep her mouth shut,” he grumbled, irritated but there was a softness to it.

“It isn’t just her.” Her feet touched his under the blanket. “Mike gossips like a little old lady,” she joked quietly with a half smile. “You tell me then. Anything. Something true.”

Levi frowned then just said the first thing that came to mind. “I don’t like coffee.”

Sara’s smile widened slightly as she reached over to touch his chin. “No coffee for Levi then.”

‘Since we’re in a sharing mood...’ he thought.

“I ask you something?” 

“Of course.” Her fingers went to trace along his collar bone.

Kenny had once told him, at an age too young to really understand, if he ever wanted to bed a woman more than once, don’t piss her off.

“Defending yourself with your draws down is just undignified,” he had said in his twanging voice.

Levi had to ask though, had to know for sure. 

“You ever done this with Erwin?”

Sara’s fingers stilled. She blinked at the question, surprised ...and then not. She understood, with his position under Erwin’s command, and as his friend, he’d want to know if he was encroaching where he shouldn’t. She supposed it took guts to even ask. It didn’t mean she wasn’t a little insulted by the implication.

“No,” she replied. Her eyebrow lifted, challenging. “Have you?” 

There was that fire again. That audacity and nerve.

He huffed at her and pulled her to him. Thankfully she allowed it and he kissed her gently, cupping her cheek.

He had time yet to make some attempt at an apology.

X-x-x-x-x

Levi had tidied up.

The rack had been put away, her clothes were in a neat pile at the end of the bed and Sara could see he had organised the papers on her desk into smart stacks.

Zoe had always called him a neat freak. She wasn’t wrong.

Sara stretched, glancing at the window. It was morning but still dull though with the cloud cover. At least it had stopped raining. She rose from the bed and went to wash and dress herself. She wouldn’t be able to sleep again now, though she might catch a nap later. The corner of Sara’s mouth quirked. She wasn’t used to such... _vigorous_ nighttime activities.

She made her way over to the desk to see Levi had added to her reconstructed notes. He must have sat for a long time, hours even, writing by candlelight. Her fingers trailed over his words.

More of his friends and comrades had died. When he had arrived, he’d looked so haunted. So... alone.

For someone as stoic as he was, at times it was very easy to see how deep those waters ran.

Sara hoped she had been at least some comfort to him, as he had been for her, though had felt different from before. Not just about needing to feel alive, or seizing the moment, but a little more, almost like they were becoming...

She caught herself before she could follow that thought. Sara knew from experience how dangerous that kind of thinking could be and she had meant what she said last time.

She wasn’t some naive child. She didn’t believe in fairytales.

But it felt... _special_ to be trusted like that. Especially by someone so naturally suspicious like Levi was. 

‘Maybe that’s what this is,’ she thought. ‘Trust.’

xxxxxxxx

Mood board/chapter banner 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/631578155328700416>

Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66612118>


	35. Ignorance and bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin’s troops return and Levi receives a confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been getting a little stuck on a few things so I’ve been making mood boards/banners for each chapter to keep my head on for the story. Feel free to check them out, the links will be at the bottom.
> 
> Enjoy!

  
Erwin had been worried.

He, like many of the senior officers, had expected resignations or requests for reassignment. He wouldn’t have blamed them. That last expedition had been disastrous and certainly the most costly in a long, long time.

But his troops had returned. All of them. Every single one.

Such brave and sincere souls, so steadfast in their want to push humanity forward.

But morale was very, very low. The bulk of the regiment seemed to be split their response. Some becoming more hardened, almost bitter, in their dedication, hellbent on proving it wasn’t all in vain. Others achingly hollow and haunted but determined to drag themselves and the memory of their fallen comrades beyond the walls.

Erwin relied heavily on his senior officers to keep everyone together and moving, keep them focused on training and the tasks at hand until the expeditions could be restarted again in the new year. It wasn’t long before Levi even had everyone cleaning in the quiet times in between.

Erwin had been grateful to see Levi acting almost as normal, setting the tone for the others, though he’d returned from delivering the reports to Sara quiet and thoughtful.

Mike had taken one sniff at him and smirked a little, earning Levi’s usual ire and a “fuck off, you big ass bastard.”

It seemed spending some time in her company had done him some good.

Xxxxxxxx

Levi had received another confession.

He supposed the girl was simply attempting to take a chance, especially after the last mission. She hadn’t been the first. He had thought it a little pathetic that most of the brats were just nursing a first crush, focussing on some imaginary hero that didn’t even exist.

At least this latest one hadn’t been waiting for him naked in his bed. It had been one of the very few times he had actually wanted to go to bed to rest and she had made him wait. He hadn’t been enticed by her at all. After demanding she get dressed and get out, the girl had left crying. He had felt little sympathy for her.

She didn’t know him, not at all.

She didn’t know who he was. What he was. 

What he’d done.

He figured the only woman who came close was Hange, though Petra was starting to get an inkling.

The only other woman was -

‘Shit,’ he swore to himself. He had been trying hard not to think about her.

Most of the time, he knew could separate himself from his thoughts and feelings, do his duty, stay in control and focus on what needed to be done. It made him feel like the cold blooded bastard but it also made him a good soldier. He knew that. 

But sometimes...

  
The women he’d been with in the underground city were little more than skin and bone. The military women were strong and well toned from their training. 

He didn’t think Sara was weak. No one who had lived through what she had could ever be called weak. Just so different to what he’d ever known. 

He thought about her mouth. Her breasts against his chest. Her eyes, closed in pleasure. Her heady sex scent.

He changed direction, heading for the latrines. 

More than once, he had told the new recruits to “rub one out and go to bed”.

‘Looks like I’ll be following my own advice,’ he thought, frustrated.  
  


  
  


xxxxxxxxxx

Mood board/chapter banner 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/632038866500665344/show-chapter-archive>

Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66612346#main>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Mike. He’s awesome.


	36. Falling snow, falling tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin decides to do something about his troops morale and Sara is tormented by the blood on her hands

  
With the last of the snow came another letter from Sara. She had nothing of importance to report, more just a note to bid them all well with a hope to see them soon. It had been accompanied by a missive from Charlotte to say that Sara had caught a cold and was fine if somewhat hilariously grumpy.

Erwin shared that Sara had been the same as a child. She was a very bad patient who would cause her mother endless headaches trying to keep her in bed. At those times, Erwin would always be allowed to come and visit, bringing book after book to try and distract her, until he inevitably got sick too.

It tugged a few small smiles from the group. Erwin and a few others were nestled in his office. Wine and whiskey had been opened and, at Levi’s insistence, tea made. In the last few weeks they had been training hard in the snow and it felt good to all to be resting in the warm.

Despite the three full days off from duty, most of the troops had chosen to stay in the barracks, very few taking the opportunity to go and see their families, the opposite from their last allotted leave. Gunther had gone home to see his girlfriend, whose father had passed away. Timea had become an aunt, so went to see her sister and the new babe. Brier’s mother had fallen ill and had been sent to the hospital. He wanted to go but had been told to stay away for now.

Sometimes, being beyond the walls, locked away in training or in long briefings for expeditions, Erwin found it was easy to forget the world still turned for the rest of humanity, that the everyday continued for them regardless of the regiment’s pain and losses. He supposed it was the same for his troops.

It made it increasingly clear to him that he’d need to do something more to improve morale and encourage a more positive mindset, to remind them all they weren’t just faceless soldiers riding to their deaths.

Otherwise they might start to welcome those Titan jaws.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Darkness

Fury

How could he

_How dare he_

Dread

Hesitation

William

He was William’s **father**

He was

He

_Why had it come to this..._

Her father

Her mother

Peter

Franz

Henri

Noah

Protective rage

Erwin

Levi Zoe Mike Moblit Nanaba Ness Brier and so many faces...

The Scouts in the their uniforms all lined up to die

_I won’t let you hurt them_

Flashes of red

A muffled gurgle

“My Lady.”

_I won’t let you hurt **anyone ever again**_

The smell of blood

She screamed

“My Lady!”

Sara jolted awake.

She scrambled to sit up, gagging. Her hand clamped over her mouth as she tried not to vomit.

A large bowl appeared in front of her and she heaved into it.

She was shaking, sweating heavily, her vision blurred by tears. She felt rather than saw Helena’s presence at her side.

“It’s... alright,” Helena said, soothing, though it was unsure and unpractised. She hesitantly placed a hand on Sara’s back. “It’s... OK. You’re... you’re OK.”

When it was clear Sara had finished being sick, Helena took the wash bowl away to put on the vanity and opened the window a crack, letting in the frigid air. She brought Sara a cloth.

“Here,” she said, getting Sara to tilt her head so she could mop her sweaty brow.

Sara blinked at her, still dazed. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“Yes, well...” Helena looked away, uncomfortable, handing off the cloth for Sara to sort herself out while she moved to take the bowl out the room. Sara’s words stopped her.

“Why did you help me?”

Helena took in a sharp breath. She stayed facing the door and didn’t answer.

“Please tell me.” Sara’s voice began to shake. “Please.”

She still didn’t remember all of what had happened that night but parts of it she saw in perfect clarity.

She could still feel the blood dripping from her fingers, still see Helena’s eyes go wide at the state of her bloodstained clothes, she could still feel Helena’s hands as she tugged her free of them, and hear her voice as she told Sara she’d take care of it.

After that she had rarely seen the housekeeper, and never alone like they were now.

Sara just couldn’t understand it. She had always thought Helena, if not hated her, then at least disliked and thought little of her.

“Because I didn’t before,” Helena said, turning back. “And I should have.”

“I thought you hated me.”

“I do. I... I did,” Helena corrected herself. “I thought you brought embarrassment and shame to this household. I thought you should have been a better wife to his Lordship.”

Sara looked away. She had had similar thoughts more than once. If she had been better, not so stubborn, not so stupid as to provoke him, then maybe things would have been different.

“He called you a whore and said you needed constant discipline. That you deserved every bruise he gave you. That you were nothing but a stain on his family’s honour.”

Helena watched as Sara’s hands clenched.

“He was wrong. I... was wrong.”

Sara gaped at her as she stepped closer then hesitantly sat on the edge of the bed.

“Did you know I have family?”

Sara shook her head, confused at the change of subject.

“My sister’s youngest. He says he wants to be a Scout.” Helena sighed. “They’re trying to talk him out of it but... he has these grand dreams. And I think he truly wants what’s best for everyone.” Helena looked away. “And I think of how he could have been riddled with holes for those dreams because of one stupid, selfish man.”

In all the years Sara had known her, she had never heard a bad word spoken from Helena’s lips about her husband. Even as she treated Sara’s wounds or when she had been witness to her aching grief or when she had desperately begged for help, Helena had remained steadfast and loyal to her employer.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t... I wish I had just been...”

Helena shook her head. “You couldn’t have stopped him.” She took a deep breath before admitting, “I... I can’t forgive you for what you did but... if I had helped you sooner then perhaps all this could have been avoided. And that is my responsibility, my sin, and it led you to yours.” Helen’s head bowed. “I am sorry for that. You are my Mistress. I should have done better by you.”

Sara was dumbstruck. She had no idea what to say or do. It was strange to find a feeling of rightness to be told she wouldn’t be forgiven for her actions, as necessary as they had been.

Helena stood. “We’ll move you to Master William’s room for tonight. Air out this room for you. You need your rest. Especially if you want this _gathering_ of yours to be successful.”

“Thank you,” Sara whispered again, still reeling.

Helena gave a short nod and left.

  
  


xxxxxxxx

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Chapter notes

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	37. Sway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara holds a get together for the troops

They were running late. 

As Erwin and his group came in, they could see the gathering was already in full swing. Their arrival even evoked a somewhat intoxicated cheer.

Sara came to welcome them. Her long hair was in a simple plait and she was dressed in well made but casual clothes. She fitted in well with the troops in their everyday wears. He was pleased he and those with him had taken the time to change out of uniforms before joining them. 

‘She looks so young,’ Erwin thought.

She had never looked her age but now he thought she looked like she was just a merchant’s daughter, not someone important or special. Certainly not the owner of the estate they were visiting or patroness of their cause.

“I’m glad you could make it,” Sara greeted. “Zoe said you were held up?”

“Yes, a few loose ends from the last bout of training but all settled now,” Erwin replied and he waved the rest of the group to go on, though Mike and Levi stayed with him.

As the other soldiers joined their comrades, Erwin took in the large hall, relieved to see everyone seemed to be having a good time. A few of the discharged veterans were there, mostly sat in their own group by the fireplace but they had been joined by old friends. Joanna and Charlotte were sat at another table, playing a dice game against some of the younger recruits who were looking a little besotted.

A small group of musicians sat in a corner, eating before going to prepare their instruments. The area in front of them had been left clear for dancing.

As Sara led them to get drinks and food, Mike stayed close to her, sniffing happily. Used to it, she didn’t really respond beyond telling him she’d send him some rosemary if he wanted.

Catching her eye, Levi nodded to her and she smiled at him, nodding back. She was glad to see him, looking, if not happy, then at least relaxed.

She had been thinking about him a lot.

Once the men had full plates, they noticed Hange waving them over to join her at a table with an exasperated looking Moblit.

“How’s William?” Erwin asked, gently, as they took their seats. 

“He is well,” Sara nodded, then shrugged. “Or so I'm told. Did I tell you I’ve been getting letters from one of my old guards, Nathan Maiyer? Do you remember him? He was always very loyal to the Huber household.” Her head tilted, looking considerate. “I don’t think he likes his new employer much. He’s probably trying to get his old job back.”

Erwin wasn’t letting her change the subject. “You still haven’t seen him then?”

She sighed and shook her head. “I am still… negotiating with Lord Wolff. I...” Sara looked at her hands. “There’s talk of another marriage.”

The others at the table looked over to her, stunned.

“I’ll make sure you’re all invited to the wedding. Make sure there’s a good party,” she said with false cheer, keeping her head down as she felt their stares.

Everyone at that table knew what that meant. They could see she was losing hope and this ransoming of herself could gain her custody of her child, she may even be able to get him safely away from the unscrupulous lord, but it would probably come at the cost of her own life. 

Hange took another big gulp of her drink. “I know!” she said, slamming her tankard down. “Beat them to it! You should marry Erwin instead!”

Sara and Erwin paused, before she gave him an apologetic look and they both laughed awkwardly. 

“I’m afraid not,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “It would be like marrying my brother.”

Hange grinned, clearly starting to get tipsy, “Then marry me! Think of all the fun we could have together!”

Sara grinned back, “The world wouldn’t survive it.” She nudged the man sitting next to her. “Besides, you know Mike is much more my type.”

As Mike choked on his drink they all chuckled. With one exception.

Sara very deliberately didn’t look at Levi.

X-x-x-xx-xx-x

The music was lively, adding to the merriment. A few couples got up to dance but mostly it was just friends having fun.

Oluo was trying, and failing, to pull Petra up. Nanaba was making eyes at Mike, who, amusingly, seemed a little nervous. 

Erwin looked at Sara. “I remember a child who couldn’t keep still whenever music played.”

“Well I’ve learnt some self control,” she replied primly, then smiled softly, “Or maybe I’m just waiting for someone to ask me.”

“Well then,” replied Erwin as he stood offering his hand, all gentlemanly charm. “My Lady?”

Sara was clearly trying to smother a giggle as she took his hand, “Good sir.”

He led her to a space before giving a short bow and she curtsied in return. Then he swept her up and waltzed her round and round. It was an elegant display. 

“Anyone else know he could do that?” muttered Moblit in disbelief and Hange snorted a laugh.

As the music finished and their dance came to a close, Hange stood up quickly. 

“Me next! Me next!” she shouted, all thinking she was speaking to Erwin, then smiling when she pulled Sara about. Sara’s laugh rang out, bright and tinkling.

As the energetic music started, fiddle sounding clear, it was obvious this wasn’t so much a dance but rather some kicking up of feet and spinning around. When they came back to the table, both women were breathless and grinning.

Levi had made a strategic retreat before Hange could get her hands on him. Moblit was grabbed instead and as Levi came back from refilling his tankard he could see them twirling together, laughing.

He retook him seat, listening in to Sara’s conversation with Mike.

“Actually I think anyone could get the basics very quickly,” she was saying. “Primarily it’s balance and timing, something ODM users are masters in. Then you just need rhythm.” She winced sympathetically. “That can take some teaching.”

“I doubt dance lessons are in the budget,” Mike replied.

“Get Erwin to teach you,” Sara said, catching his attention with his name from where he had been watching the musicians. “I’ll bet he still remembers everything the instructor said.” She pulled a face. “Awful woman, not likely to forget her.”

“That’d be something to see. These guys doing a waltz,” Levi said and Mike breathed a laugh through his nose.

Sara smiled into her drink. “It wouldn’t be the first time for Erwin.” Her laughing eyes went to him. “I don’t think Lucas Ross ever stopped pining for you.”

Erwin huffed, a touch embarrassed, tips of his ears going red.

“Or Marie,” Sara continued with a wink. “Though she married Nile. That says something about her taste in men, don’t you think...?” she teased and Erwin laughed.

She excused herself to go and speak to some of the others, keeping up her duties as hostess. Sara stopped in at table after table, making sure everyone was enjoying themselves. As the evening progressed, she and Erwin would take turns at odd intervals, checking in with the troops, Sara occasionally going off to manage her staff. They worked well together to ensure everyone’s comfort.

She eventually made it round to where Charlotte was sitting. The group had moved on from dice and she and Joanna were trying to teach some of the others card games. Ness was there, looking like he was about to pull out what was left of his hair.

Charlotte introduced George, the young man she had paired herself with to guide him through the game. He looked very smitten with her and Sara wonder if he knew she was happily married.

“Would you like to join us?” asked another one of the younger recruits to Sara, with a coy smile as he pulled the small pile of coins from the middle of the table towards himself.

“Nope!” Ness advised, taking a drink. “No way Justin. I’ve lost enough money, thank you.”

The youths at the table frowned at him at the outburst but Charlotte and Joanna both laughed and nodded, agreeing with him. 

“By all means,” said Charlotte, “if you want to lose go right ahead.”

Justin looked a little defensive at her exclusion, and insulted at the slight on his own skills, but Sara just thanked him for the invitation.

“Perhaps later? Have fun,” she encouraged before moving on to the next group.

“Come now, she can’t be that good...?” Justin asked as Ness jokingly showed his relief with a “Phew!”

“She has the luck of the devil when it comes to cards,” replied Charlotte.

Joanna just smiled as she watched Sara move to place a hand on Grant’s shoulder, gesturing to the musicians. “I just think she’s a little too good at reading people.”

“Maybe she should play,” Ness groused as he dealt out a new round. “She could teach these little brats a lesson.”

Charlotte laughed as George stuck his tongue out at him.  
  


xxxxx

Soundtrack option

The Corrs - Toss the feathers (bit too “modern” in sound but you’ll get the idea 😉)

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgSifwlwANo>

or a more traditional version (with more “appropriate” instruments for the aot universe) 

Toss the feathers/Jenny’s chickens

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSAeKBUlIAQ>

chapter art

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/632484729331105792>

chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66707791#workskin>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you’re enjoying the read!
> 
> I’m adding links to my authors notes for each chapter. I’m having lots of fun adding little extra info. If any of it doesn’t make sense or doesn’t look right please let me know x


	38. Worth the wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The evening continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit self indulgent I’ll admit but...

It was going well. Everyone was in good spirits.  
  


Sara could hear the flowing conversation, the laughter, the cheers from games being won. The musicians were taking a break but would be starting again in a few minutes. She knew some who lived close by would be leaving soon and others turning in early to set off to see their families at first light. A few had decided not to come at all, Francesca, Walter, Thomas, Stefan, to name a few. She made a mental note to send her regards to Brier and to his mother, glad to hear of her recovery.

Sara knew she wouldn’t be able to do this again for a long time, or at all if Lord Wolff had his way. She had been rather spitefully gleeful in depleting the estate’s alcohol reserves but she couldn’t afford to supply this much food again. It had been a difficult struggle as it was. She stood by the buffet table, seeing there was only a few scraps left.

“An army marches on its stomach,” Erwin had once told her. It definitely seemed like that was true.

She was just going to refill her own drink when Joanna limped to her, Charlotte trailing behind. “Sara?” 

Sara frowned, putting her glass down, concerned at their hesitancy and unease. “What’s the matter?”

“Will you sing?” Joanna asked.

Sara flustered, embarrassed, about to refuse when Joanna continued.

“Henri’s song?”

Sara gaped at them, stunned by the request. She looked from one to the other. She glanced at the table where most of the discharged veterans sat. They looked at her expectantly, obviously aware of what was going on.

“They should hear it,” Charlotte said, her voice quiet, gesturing the troops. “Even if it’s just once.” She knew what they were asking and how it would hurt but she was insistent. “You know I’m tone deaf but... ?”

Joanna took Sara’s hands in her own. “I’ll sing with you. Please,” she implored. She looked back at Charlotte and they shared a look of worry, thinking perhaps this was too much to ask.

If Levi hadn’t been watching so closely, then nobody would have seen the flicker across Sara’s face. Only a moment but it was there.

Pain. Guilt. Shame.

Then the decision to hide it away and do as they had asked. Levi could see it; she would snap herself in two, if that’s what they asked of her.

“If you like,” she said, no sign of her distress except for slight tremble in her voice.

Sara cleared her throat, trying to keep her gaze focused on the two woman in front of her. She started hesitantly and Joanna joined in, Charlotte humming the tune as well as she could.

The room seemed to hush under their voices before the veterans joined in. The lines about “wings of freedom” even got a delayed cheer from some of the soldiers, encouraged by their intoxication.

When they finished, the room erupted into a rowdy applause. Sara glanced around and was relieved to see there were no tears, reassured that the veterans had been glad to hear it, though her own welled eyes threatened to spill.

“Thank you,” Joanna whispered.

Sara nodded, attempting to smile. She didn’t trust herself to speak. She gently touched Joanna’s cheek before turning and stepping away.

“Sara?” Charlotte called after her.

“I just need a minute...” Sara replied, making her way out the hall and down a corridor, just far enough for privacy as she tried to settle herself and steady her breathing. The cool wall against her back helped to ground her.

Their singing had caused a ruckus in the room, prompting discussion and arguments on other songs to sing. It allowed Levi to slip away from checking in with his own squad and follow Sara without being noticed.

She sighed as he came to stand in front of her.

“You could have said no,” he said. Levi’s face was expressionless but there was disapproval in his tone.

Sara smiled sadly, and her eyes went back to the hall. “Charlotte was right. They should hear it, at least once. It shouldn’t be forgotten. I don’t want it to be forgotten. I want them to remember it.” She looked back at him. “And someone once told me I should do what I want.”

He remembered saying those words to her. “Sounds like a fucking idiot to me.”

Sara grinned. “Well he is a _fucking idiot_... but he has his moments.”

Whether it was from her use of profanity or the joke at his expense, she wasn’t sure but the left corner of his mouth turned up. Her own smile widened in response and she breathed a laugh. More than once she had wondered if he even knew how to smile.

Almost as if he were reading her mind, Levi muttered, “Shut up.”

That got a real laugh from her and she looked back to the hall, before she actually did say something about it, like how well it suited him. He’d probably kick her if she did.

Grant’s booming voice broke through the chatter, singing loudly about dancing girls and their twirling skirts. A cheer went up and others joined in, the musicians accompanying after a few lines. Sara’s smile turned contented.

Levi watched her and wondered if she knew. He wondered if she knew just how... _tempting_ she was.

He was grateful when Erwin interrupted them, otherwise he thought he might have done something foolish.

“There you are,” Erwin said as he came to join them. He gestured the room behind him. “I think you’ll agree this was a success.”

Erwin knew this could have easily become a morose and mournful assembly but Sara had been masterful in her execution of it, not quite a manipulation but more just an openness, a gentle atmosphere that dispensed with rank or status, welcoming all in equal measure.

Sara gave a half shrug, smile dimming. “When you wrote to me I wasn’t sure what else to suggest. Was this what you had in mind?”

“It’s perfect,” Erwin reassured. “Maintaining morale during these times has been... very difficult. Thank you for hosting us.”

As always, she waved off his gratitude. Sara looked to the people behind him, who within the week, could be riding to their deaths.

“They deserve it,” she said, with seriousness.

She wished she could do more. She knew, just as they did, that they would lose more of their comrades, more of their friends, before their dreams were fulfilled.

It broke her heart to know it. And to know there was nothing she could do about it and that there was no other way.

Erwin’s mouth opened, to say her name, to bring her back from the sadness that hadquickly enveloped her when another voice beat him to it.

“Lady Sara?”

Justin was at the mouth of the corridor.

Erwin and Levi watched as her face shifted, mask firmly back in place to hide any hint of her heartache. She nodded at them, perfectly composed, before pushing off the wall and going to Justin.

“Ahem... er... Lady Sara...?” he stammered slightly, aware of the Commander and Captain being within earshot. “Would you do me the honour...?”

Sara couldn’t hold back her smile. “You are just asking me to dance, right?”

He nodded emphatically, blushing and she allowed him to pull her along to join the other couples, grinning as she spotted Mike and Nanaba swaying stiffly together.

There were times Erwin had to remind himself that she wasn’t a soldier. She didn’t think like they did, she wasn’t trained or experienced the way they were. Her skill set was completely different and he relied on that, but still...

“Sometimes I think we ask too much of her,” he said as he watched her dance.

“Maybe we should stop asking,” Levi replied.

Erwin glanced at him. “Even if we did, do you think she would listen?” he asked, though it was rhetorical.

Levi said nothing and went back to their table and Erwin smiled at his back, pleased to see his concern for their friend.

Xxxxxxxx

Hange was making less and less sense as they helped her down the hall and into the vacant room.

“Just think Levi!” she slurred as he and Moblit sat her down on the bed. “ _Pet Titans!_ Everyone could have one!”

Levi shook his head at her as she flopped down. “What a disturbing glimpse into that shit hole you call a brain.”

Leaving her in Moblit’s care, Levi made his way back to the hall, stopping out of sight when he heard his name.

“I just wished Captain Levi would dance.”

It was some of the newer recruits, gossiping. He was about to ignore it when they continued.

“He probably doesn’t know how.”

“Huh?”

“He’s from the underground city, right? The people down there don’t know how to act in civilised company.”

He felt his irritation rise. 

“Yeah, the people down there are... well... I doubt any of them could show a girl a nice time.”

Levi frowned, antagonised by their ignorance. Furlan had danced more than one woman into his bed. He could still hear Isabel’s laugher as he taught her and she in turn taught Levi, under Furlan’s watchful, and quietly mocking, eye.

“Shut up, someone’ll hear you.”

‘Too late,’ he thought.

As he rejoined the others where they were stood together, a bell chimed in the distance and Sara glanced at the musicians.

“Well, that’s that. They are about to finish for the night,” she said, nodding towards them.

“One last dance then,” Erwin said.

His hand went out to her and Sara’s came up to accept but Levi cut in, pulling her with him.

A few in the room gawked as he pulled her round and into his arms.

Sara blinked at him, more than a little surprised but he didn’t look at her, eyes fixed beyond, back straight, head up, ready to lead her.

“Alright then,” she whispered, mirroring his posture and they step round in a slow waltz. It was a little stilted to start but more because of Sara’s over awareness of him than his lack of practice. He was very warm and she could feel it through her clothes.

They were half way through when he pulled her closer to him, turning them in a smaller circle to avoid another couple who passed by.

No one else touched her like this. No one else dared to.

His action made her look at him, take in his face, his countenance, working out just what had prompted this. “And just who are you trying to prove a point to?”

He said nothing but her words earned her a glance at least. She hummed, not pressing him further for an answer. She started to quietly say the words to the music under her breath. He considered it romantic nonsensical crap. But he listened anyway.

All too soon the music stopped and they stepped apart, each going in different directions as Sara went to the musicians to thank and compliment them, Levi returning to his group. Charlotte had joined them and she and Erwin were both giving him an amused look.

He ignored them and they looked at each other, smiling.

Levi was just grateful Hange hadn’t been there otherwise he’d never hear the end of it.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Soundtrack option 

Cat Pierce - You Belong to Me 

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IR1Psd1wz5w>

Chapter board

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/633120550025330688>

Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66707914#main>


	39. Worship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The evening draws to a close...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... enjoy! 😉

  
After bidding Charlotte and the others sweet dreams, Sara returned to the hall, humming to herself, moving gracefully as she collected discarded tankards and glasses, gathering them to the buffet table ready for cleaning later.

Mostly hidden by the fireplace, she hadn’t spotted Levi leaning against the wall, finishing his beer.

“Don’t you have servants for that?” he said, surprising Sara.

She spun to face him, then huffed at him for making her jump. “Actually I gave most of them the night off. Just in case things got... rowdy.”

“Huh.”

He thought it good of her to think of their reputations. They had caused more than one brawl in the past. He finished his drink and brought his own tankard along two other used glasses with him to add to her collection. Looking around the room, he could see they had left a mess.

She thanked him and asked, “Do you think everyone enjoyed themselves?”

“Too much. They’ll be complaining about their hangovers for days.”

The regiment was mostly retired for the night now, the main hall emptying with the last few calling their good nights. Some of the higher ranked officers had been allocated guest rooms but most had just settled down with the rest in either the bunk house or any of the vacant rooms. Levi had passed an open door earlier and knew Eld was going to wake up with a sore back. He and six others had obviously stumbled into a bedroom and passed out hard from overindulging. His subordinate hadn’t even made it to the bed; he was sprawled out on the floor, snoring loudly. Levi was pretty sure a game of poker was still going on down the corridor.

Sara smiled to herself, pleased their hard work had paid off. Slowly, they worked together to gather up all the stray crockery and glasses. He stayed near so they could talk easily and he could finally ask the question that had been bothering him all evening.

“Do you really think you’ll have to marry another one of those bastards?”

The happiness bleached from her face. “I hope not,” she said, trying to keep her tone light.

“They’ll kill you. Take it all from your corpse and then your boy’s.”

She knew he was trying to be kind, trying to warn her. “I know,” she said. “I’ve tried to put contingencies in place. It might make them reconsider. At least I hope Lord Wolff will know it’ll be less suspicious to keep William around. And a boy his age will be easier to manipulate.”

Levi was disgusted. “It’s shitty business.”

Sara wasn’t inclined to disagree. She gestured the room. “To be honest, if they want this place they can have it. All of it.” She frowned, speaking almost to herself. “I don’t know why he’s waiting.”

She was truly willing to give it all up. The danger to William was becoming more and more obvious. They could survive, he _would_ survive, she just needed to get them out from under those damned nobles.

“You should marry Erwin. With his influence you’d be able to stand against them.”

Levi had watched them all evening; their friendly smiles, the easy way they had with each other. It had left an odd taste in his mouth.

“You know, he did asked me once.”

Sara smiled at Levi’s widened eyes.

“As a joke. He was 10.” Her smiled grew at his frown before fading again. “I won’t drag him into this. And you know where he leads, the Scout Regiment follows. Lord Wolff has power. He could do a lot of damage to the Corps.”

Levi’s frown deepened, and she could see his concern so she changed tack.

“Besides,” she said, with an easy, wistful smile. “He doesn’t love me and I don’t love him, not like that anyway. One day he might find someone who holds his attention as much as his own,” she paused, considering the right word. “ _obsession_ does. I won’t stand in the way of that.”

She shook her head, before tilting it towards the new sound.

They both looked towards the noise of running feet and panting breath.

It was Justin and one of her staff, Sol. They were pulling each other along, pawing at each other as they exchanged heated kisses.

Sara delicately cleared her throat and they jumped apart, apologising.

“Captain, er, we were -”

“Sorry Ladyship! We were just-”

She giggled, interrupting, and shooed them off to the sound of their embarrassed laughter.

“Who knows?” Her indulgent smile stayed on her mouth as her eyes followed them out the room. “Maybe you’ll all find someone.”

“Maybe.”

Sara gave a scoffing laugh, blushing at her own silliness and his mocking tone. As her laughter puttered out, she could tell now was the perfect time. She could bid him good night and walk away and that would be that.

But he just stood there, looking at her and she wanted to...

She stayed and, with their tidying finished, wandered closer to the fireplace. He joined her and the atmosphere became a strange mix of companionable silence and awkward hesitation.

‘How strange,’ she thought. After everything they’d already shared she felt shy now but she wondered when had she become so brazen. She wanted...

She still felt like she was living under a death sentence, but things between they could never be like they were the first time they had been together. And the second night they’d spent together had only added to that. Now she didn’t know where they stood. But she _wanted_...

“You know I... I doubt we’ll see anyone till mid morning at least.” She glanced at him, an offer, one he could easily refuse. If he did she wasn’t sure how she would feel. “There’s time then if... if you wanted to...”

She looked away, self conscious and embarrassed, hand tucking a loose strand of her hair behind her ear before going to fiddle with her braid.

Later Levi would wonder if she knew exactly what she was offering and what it could mean.

He reached out a hand, joining hers on her hair and he leant in to kiss her. It was sensual. It felt decadent. So very different from the other times when there had been that thread of urgency.

Sara pulled away, but not going far, just aware they could be seen. His eyes stayed on her mouth though, hands lingering and she smiled.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sara led him through, down the corridors and into her bedroom. It was a little sparser than he would have imagined it would be and cold. Levi lingered near the door as she went to light the fire but he didn’t stay away for long. When he got close though she handed off the poker to him and went to light some candles.

She looked nervous. She went to light another set and he came up behind her.

“That’s enough,” he said.

“I’m just...” Sara trailed off when his hand slipped round, touching the front of her hip. His other hand pushed her hair out the way, giving him access to kiss just above where her neck met her shoulder. Levi found the spot there, remembered, that she seemed to like, making her breath catch.

His body felt so hot against her back. He cupped her breast through her clothes, squeezing gently, pulling her against him more and her hands clutched over his.

Levi watched her take pleasure in his touch, reassured that she did want this despite her brief hesitation.

He turned her to face him, giving her more gentle kisses, slow and thorough, tongue sliding out to taste her and he started to pull her towards the large bed, sitting on the end and pulling so Sara leant against him. They shared more heating kisses, leaving them both breathless and eager.

His mouth went down her neck and he pulled back to undo the string of her waistcoat, easing it off her shoulders so it could fall to the floor. She tugged at his long sleeved top in return and Levi yanked it off so she could run her hands over him and taste the skin at his shoulder.

He undid her skirt next and she stepped out of the pooled material and her shoes. His hands went to her hair and Sara realised he was trying to pull it free from its plait. She quickly found and tugged on the tie, letting the long strands fall loose around her shoulders.

He struggled slightly with the fiddly buttons of her blouse, making her smile and take over, his sharp gaze making her shiver in anticipation. Once free of it, Levi pulled her back in, feeling for her nipple through her bra, mouthing through the cloth, making her clutch at him again, nails lightly scratching at his scalp as her fingers moved through his hair.

Sara’s hands moved down, cupping and titling his face so she could kiss him again before they went lower, down his chest, then lower still, easing a space between them to get at his trouser buttons.

He helped her, lifting his hips to work the fabric off, underwear going too, and a moment later her mouth followed where her hands had led. She want to repay the intense pleasure he had given her last time, though she was inexperienced in it and a little unsure. Feeling for his length, she kissed her way down his chest, nuzzling, before going to her knees properly.

Levi’s eyes followed her progress and when her lips parted, breathing hot air against him, he grabbed fistfuls of her hair.

He swore under his breath, grimacing, holding tight. Sara was clearly unpracticed but her mouth was hot and wet. She worked him carefully, an unintentional tease and he held on tight to his self control.

It wasn’t long before he started to thrust gently into her mouth and she gave a little moan, eyes looking up to meet his.

Levi swore again and pushed her off him and back up to her feet. He pulled off the last of their clothes before manhandling her along with him, up the bed, so he could lean against the pillows, making her straddle him.

He kissed her again and again, keeping a hand tight in her hair, the other kneading hard at her thigh and bottom. They stayed there a while, reacquainting their bodies, the delicious, heady feel of lips brushing lips and skin pressed against skin.

She shuddered when Levi’s hands moved to her hips, keeping her tight against him, making her feel him against her core. He started to thrust against her, a tantalising promise of things to come and all at once, Sara’s patience and restraint seem to snap. She pulling back from him so she could sit up more, moving to sheath him within her.As he entered her, she made a low sound and he was unable to stop his own pleasured grunt.

Seated deep, Levi felt her tremble, letting her get used to the invasion before he gripped her hips harder, pushing her down more to grind up into her. Sara arched, crying out, hands scrambling lightly on his chest and stomach.

He started to move her, lifting her almost all the way off, then dropping her down as he shoved up. It took a few moments before she found the rhythm, taking over, making it a slow and steady torture for both of them. He was transfixed, watching as her hair and breasts bounced gently.

It was an exquisite building of pleasure, the slip and slide making Sara’s eyes close, revelling in the sensations deep within her. She felt so hot and shaky especially as she found the grinding angle that sent sparks through her. She tightened, rippled and flexed, getting closer to her pinnacle. His hand went to fondle and tease her swaying breast and she reached her peak with a sultry, guttural groan, vision whitening as she spasmed and clenched.

Sara’s limbs went heavy and limp, but Levi’s returning hands on her hips kept her upright. He grunted an order.

“Again.”

His name became a stuttered chant on her lips as he kept moving, pumping upwards. She found the rhythm again and, like him, could hear the erotic sounds coming from their bodies made where they were joined, the slap of skin against skin, their own panting breath. It only seemed to spur him on. He started to pick up the pace. Sara tried to move with him but she couldn’t keep up.

“Oh please,” she gasped, “ _please_.”

Levi reached up, pulling her down with a hand on the back of her neck, kissing her hard, almost biting at her lip. She moaned, body stuttering at the shift but he kept moving.

They were both so close now and Levi couldn’t hold back, going faster still, starting to lose himself in her.

Sara cried out again and again against his mouth and he held on just long enough to feel her climax a second time before following her. He gripped her, trying not to hurt her, as he buried his face in at her neck, teeth gritted as he came. Levi kept her held in tight, the shudders and aftershocks working through both of them as they panted.

Eventually, their breath evened and their heartbeats slowed towards normal. They were overheating, sweaty, and her hair was starting to irritate his face.

But still, Levi didn’t want to move them.

He didn’t want to let her go.

  
  
  


xxxxxxxxx

Chapter board

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/633494514313674752>

Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/66708406#workskin>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween 🎃 I hope this chapter gives you a different kind of shiver
> 
> (Face palms at own joke and runs away)


	40. Deep breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara and Levi both start thinking...

Sara’s arms were a little shaky as she propped herself up.

Her hair fell round them, like a curtain, blocking the light. She couldn’t make out Levi’s expression.

He reached up, brush the bulk of her hair to one side before pulling her back and they exchanged wet, open mouthed kisses.

‘Is it supposed to feel like this? This... connecting?’ she thought.

She was uncomfortable, hot and sweaty, but it was like her skin was still humming. She had to move but when she did it was slow, easing, hands lingering. They both made a sound when he slipped from her. They were a sticky mess and as she rolled off him and on to her back, she saw his glance at the door in the corner.

“That your washroom?”

Sara nodded and watched as he got up carefully, making his way to it. He returned quickly, having sorted himself, bringing her a damp flannel. She thanked him quietly and he moved away again, going to put on his underwear with his back to her.

She cleaned up, feeling unsure and overwhelmed. If he was just going to get dressed and leave then she wanted him to do so as soon as possible.

She shuffled herself underneath the covers but realised her mistake, not seeing him glance back at her. She still had the cloth. She was tempted to just dump it on the floor and hide herself away. Better that than risk exposing more of herself to him or make either of them uncomfortable.

She felt so vulnerable.

Levi appeared at her side. “Here,” he said, hand taking the flannel from her. He was still just in his underwear. Her eyes followed him as he went back into the washroom then coming back to finish picking up and folding their clothes before sliding back into bed.

She turned to face him, tugging the cover higher over her shoulder. Sara tried hard not to feel so relieved.

For a while they just looked at each other, both uncertain what they were seeing or what they were showing before she started blinking slower, her eyelids starting to get heavy.

Levi could see she was trying to fight it. “Go to sleep,” he said.

She smiled drowsily at him. “Still trying to tell me what to do.”

His hand went to her face, thumb touching the corner of her mouth. “Yeah.”

A minute later, between one blink and the next, she fell asleep.

Xxxxxx

  
  


The sound of a horse’s bray woke her with more of the troops leaving.

Sara had slept deeply. She moved a little, feeling good and rested.

She didn’t want to open her eyes properly though, knowing what she would see. Or rather, who she wouldn’t.

She had turned in the night to face the wall, curling up into a ball, almost like she was trying to protect herself. Blinking to clear her vision, Sara’s mind started to tick over.

That would have to be the last time, she realised. It would _have_ to be. She couldn’t do this again. The way she wanted him, the way she was feeling was... impossible.

She really was in too deep, falling for him, if she hadn’t already. Now she would have to be careful. She didn’t want it to be awkward between them.

As she ran her hand over the sheet, feeling the fabric, Sara thought herself silly to have gone so far when he didn’t feel the same.

“You know, your hair is a pain in the ass.”

Her hand stopped.

“And you hog the bed.”

Sara sighed as she smiled, unable to help herself. He was still there.

“Sorry,” she murmured, trying to rearrange her face into something less affected, less...hopeful. “I’m not used to sharing it.”

She turned, moving back further onto her own space, to find Levi sat up against the pillows with one of her books in his hands. There was a bigger space between them now, he wasn’t touching her at all, but his eyes made her feel like she was covered in his fingerprints. She looked away.

She realised he must have moved things round with the low candles now near him to help him read. He must have tended to the fire during the night too because the room was still warm and comfortable.

Her eyes went back to his, then a little higher, and her face shifted.

Levi thought she looked constipated. “What?”

“Forgive me,” she said, smothering her grin. “It’s just...”

She struggled not to giggle. For someone who, even when wearing casual clothes, was usually so immaculate in his appearance, to see him with bed head of all things. It made him so very, very human.

He frowned and she pushed herself up, reaching, soothing the offending strands.

As she brought her hand back, her gaze caught his and her fingers traced across his cheek bone and down his jaw. His frown eased and she smiled gently in return.

“Good morning,” she whispered.

His eyes dropped to her mouth and he moved quickly to capture her lips. She made a sound of surprise and she pulled back.

“I need to brush my-”

He cupped her cheek and kissed her again before she could finish. He was about to shift, get closer to her, when the sound of more horse hooves and a shout from outside broke the mood.

Sara looked regretful as she pulled back. “I suppose we should get up,” she said, looking towards the window.   
  


Levi didn’t say anything but he let her go.

She went to move, and it was then she became aware of her own nakedness. It wasn’t so much her breasts or buttocks that bothered her but her back. Her scars. She quickly clutched the blanket around herself tighter and higher, hiding them, glancing at him, hoping he hadn’t noticed as she turned away, sitting up properly.

But he had noticed, watching her and understanding. She had always been careful to hide them but had never flinched at his own marks. Levi put the book down and moved behind her, brushing her hair aside and kissing at her shoulder, then down, nudging the blanket out of the way. When his lips brushed against the highest of her scars, her eyes fell closed and the sudden cord of tension that had ran through her dissipated.

Levi turned her slightly and pressed their lips together. Slow, sweet kisses but they were quickly becoming intense. He was about to pull the blanket away properly and lay her back down, when they both heard running feet outside the door. Whoever it was kept going but it was clear the estate was waking.

They had run out of time.

He moved away, getting up and efficiently pulling on his clothes before looking back at her.

“I’ll go check in with the others. Got to take a shit anyway.”

She huffed a laugh at his crudeness, saying, “Thank you for sharing.”

Her amused, fond smile tugged at her mouth and it took all of his self control not to just go back to her, push her back into the bed and have her again and again, regardless of who came looking for them.

He turned and went to the door and, after checking the corridor was clear, he made his way out without a backwards glance.

  
  


Xxxx

Sara sighed at his hasty exit, trying not to think too much about it. She stood and gotherself washed and sorted, clearing away any evidence of their “activities” before Helena or any of the others saw.

Once she was ready, Sara opened the window, letting in the cold, fresh air, glad to feel the breeze against her face, and she wondered just what they would think of her if they knew. They’d probably call her a whore again behind closed doors. She was used to that, but maybe it would be different now.

Helena had been with her when she’d received the letter from Lord Wolff with the not so subtle remarks about her needing help, listing fellow nobles who, she knew, were firmly under his control. Her housekeeper had looked on in pity and a touch of anger. Sara found it very strange to have her support, quiet though it was. 

Leaving her room and making her was back towards the hall, she found Erwin looking blurry eyed, slumped in his seat. Mike, sat next to him, nodded to her in greeting and said that his Commander wasn’t to be spoken to until he’d had finished his cup of coffee.

Sara breathed a teasing laugh as she passed by. She’d have to wait to speak to him then. Things might start changing sooner rather than later and she needed to discuss that with him. She had her contingencies in place and she thought he should know them. He’d probably fuss, but she could deal with that.

She made her way into the kitchens, checking in. The staff there greeted her politely, fresh faced from their evening off. Helena reported that they would probably run out of bread before everyone left but Sara reassured her it was fine.

“Did you enjoy yourself?” she asked.

Sara nodded after a beat, still not used to this friendlier version of her. “Yes, thank you.”

She wondered if she looked guilty or caught. Levi hadn’t left any marks on her but it still felt like he was painted all over her skin.

Helena gave her an assessing look, then nodded in return. “Good,” she said, after a long moment and she moved on with her morning tasks.

Going back into the hall, Sara looked over, hearing Zoe before she saw her. She was talking happily to Moblit as they fetched themselves drinks and breakfast, Zoe showing no sign of being worse for wear. Sara joined them, amused by Moblit’s tired expression as he automatically nodded along, clearly not really paying attention.

They all went back to sit with Erwin and Mike. Levi had already joined them with his own plateful. He had changed his clothes but otherwise just looked as he always did.

Sara was glad for it. It kept her own thoughts in check.

Zoe bid them all a bright good morning and Erwin flinched a little, hand rubbing at his forehead.

“Shut up four-eyes,” Levi interceded on his behalf. “It’s too early for your crap.”

“But it’s nearly -” Her protest was cut short by his look.

Sara looked sympathetically at Erwin and Mike explained in a quiet voice he had been found in the early hours still playing cards with some of the other senior officers. There had been a fair few empty bottles littered around the room.

“Quite the night,” he reported and Erwin smiled tiredly, nodding.

The six of them sat there as people came and left. A few troops stopped by to say goodbye and to thank Sara. And to apologise for “accidents”; two damaged chairs and a thoroughly destroyed table. Sara had heartily laughed it off despite Erwin’s reprimanding frown.

The lingering levity felt good to them all. Not just the calm before the storm to come for the soldiers but a bright ray of sunshine breaking through the building clouds, long moments of happiness treasured among friends.

Erwin tried speak to Sara about her situation but she had realised now wasn’t the time. This gathering hadn’t been just for his troops; she could see her old friend had needed this just as much.

She and Moblit went and fetched them all fresh drinks while they chatted quietly, Erwin especially grateful for another cup of coffee.

“Appreciate it,” Levi said as she placed the tea pot down. They shared a look but he kept his unreadable expression even as she smiled in that easy way of hers.

“You’re welcome.”

She would never have guessed what he had been thinking about all morning.

About letting it slip that they were "involved".

Levi knew he may not have the sway of a commander but he had his own reputation. Being referred to as humanity's strongest soldier had to count for something.At least those nobles might think twice about going after her if she was seen with him.

He considered that if it was him and not Erwin, perhaps that would be enough to relieve her concerns about involving the Scout regiment with her problems though all this started because she want to help them.

He knew she thought a lot of Huber's actions had been reactions, caused by her own provocations. But men like Huber, like Lovoff, existed in their world, taking advantage, taking what they wanted, no matter what other influences they had. He knew that from his own experiences. It took balls to stand against them and she’d been doing it for years. He thought it time she looked after herself and they had a responsibility to help her.

In worst case scenario though, if she had to give everything up to get her kid back, even her family's business, which she seemed prepared to do, he had wondered if he could support them.

Levi had no doubt she could quickly find a way to support herself. Brier would hire her on the spot if he could. Maybe she would allow Erwin to step in at least that much.

Though he knew he could do with hearing Erwin’s thoughts on this, Levi decided he’d wait until the others had left before talking to her or leave with them and come back on his own, if he could slip away unnoticed.

‘Shit. Hange.’

She would probably notice. If Sara allowed this course of action, he knew Hange would be a pain the ass about it, definitely the worst to deal with, worse than Erwin and Mike combined.

Levi handed over his cup to Sara for refilling, seeing her glance when their fingers touched.

‘Might be worth it,’ he thought.

A loud noise from the corridor made everyone look over and the sound of a sudden shout from beyond had Sara and Erwin up and moving towards it.

Levi stood as well, thinking it was probably the last of leaving troops, maybe some of the new recruits getting rowdy in their exuberance. He’d have to teach them a lesson in respecting another person’s home.

Then running feet and a call.

“My Lady? You need to come. It’s -”

  
xxxxxxxxxxx

  
Chapter art/board

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/634253559517642752/show-chapter-archive>

Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/67309465>


	41. Shatter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deep breath
> 
> WARNINGS in end notes

  
  
Nathan Maiyer was slumped in the middle of the entry hall. He was trembling, wild eyed, sweaty and dirt scuffed.

There was blood on his clothes.

One of Sara’s men, Hendrick, stood over him. He had already had to restrain Maiyer once from trying to force his way inside. He and the other watching members of staff stepped aside as Sara cautiously approached. Erwin and the others followed in her wake.

When she got near, before she could even open her mouth to ask what was going on, Maiyer scrambled towards her, hands going to clutch at the bottom of her dress.

Levi stepped in, lightening fast, kicking him away. “Don’t touch her.”

As he fell back with a harsh grunt, Maiyer’s eyes went wide and fearful.

Sara glanced at Levi, just a look asking for restraint as he stepped back, before she went to her knee. She kept a distance though, not wanting to get too close.

The man looked deranged.

“Mr... Nathan?” she asked gently and his scared eyes went back to her. “What’s happened?”

Maiyer’s eyes filled. He sagged heavily. Through his heavy breaths she heard, “Your son. I’m sorry my lady. I’m so sorry!”

“William.” Sara’s body went cold. “What’s-”

“He’s dead!” Maiyer shouted, crying in earnest.

“What?!”

Hendrick moved in and grabbed him by the jacket front to shake him. “You lie!”

“No! No, he’s dead! He fell! Lord Wolff pushed him and he fell! He’s dead!”

Sara stood, stepping back. She struggled to think. Struggled to breathe. 

“He... he can’t be...”

It was like all the air had disappeared.

“You think we’ll just believe you?!” Hendrick shouted, shaking him again.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I couldn’t stop it! I failed. I failed you...” Maiyer’s voice faded out, going quieter. “I’m sorry.”

Sara shook her head in disbelief. “No, he... where? Where is he?” she choked out. “ _Where_?”

“Dumped. In the underground city. They said no one would care about another corpse down there,” Maiyer whispered.

Hendrick released him, disgusted, turning to Sara for direction. Her mouth worked but no words came.

Erwin spoke up, moving to intercede at her silence. “This is an official accusation. There’ll have to be an investigation.”

He turned to address Sara, seeing her take another step backwards, away from the sobbing man but eyes still riveted on him, horror etched on her face.

“We’ll get to the bottom of this. Lord Wolff will be questioned. He won’t be allowed to-”

“ _I killed him!_ ” Maiyer snarled, sudden and vicious.

One of the watching maids gave a cry of shock.

“I couldn’t let him get away with it!” he raged in indignant righteousness. “Ladyship, you know! He couldn’t be allowed to get away with it! _He couldn’t!_ ”

Sara’s hands went to her mouth. She could hear the words. She couldn’t process it at all.

But it was true. She knew it, in her bones. Without a doubt, it was all true.

She swayed and hands reached for her but she pushed them away.

  
She turned and fled.

Xxxxx

Sara staggered, pushing past the staff in her way, ignoring the calls of her name.

She couldn’t breathe.

She kept moving, nearly falling down steps, almost tripping over her own feet.

Moving. Moving…

The inner garden. The sky above was dull with heavy grey clouds being pushed by the stiff breeze. There, in the grass, she had taught William to walk.

There, he had taken his first steps. 

He would never take another.

She fell to her knees. 

And screamed.

She pitched forward, clawing at the wet ground, screaming again. 

The agony of it all was too much.

She cried out, sobbing wet, broken breaths. 

It felt like she had been torn open, ripped to shreds from the inside out.

She couldn’t breathe through the pain of it.

Slowly her shock took over, leaving her numb. She slumped over, forehead against the ground, fingers still curled in the dirt.

She had no clue as to how much time passed.

Seconds, minutes, hours, days… it all fell away.

She wasn’t really aware of Zoe being next to her. Or being lifted by Erwin and carried to her room. Or being cleaned up by Helena and put into her bed.

She was detached from it all.

  
xxxxxxxxx

Chapter image

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/635478685479272448/show-chapter-archive>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the following couple deals with grief and suicidal inclinations


	42. Void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath
> 
> WARNING in end notes

  
Hange was crying. She couldn’t stop herself.

She had experienced grief. Family, friends, comrades...

She had seen mourning in others too.

Seen it and heard heartbroken filled screams before, watched bereaved families cry and weep and rage at the loss of their loved ones.

But they had been soldiers. They had been men and women who had chosen to dedicate themselves wholeheartedly to a cause. Their deaths were awful and horrific but in service to a higher purpose.

‘It’s so senseless,’ she thought. ‘He was just a child.’

When they had finally been allowed in to see her, Sara was... different. Wrong. She was silent. No tears. No rage. Nothing showed on her face.

Hange sat at Sara’s bedside holding her hand, Charlotte was holding the other, sat curled up next to her on the bed. Moblit stood with Erwin at the end.

Erwin was talking quietly, his voice barely more than a murmur, with condolences and reassurances and all seemed so meaningless to Hange but Sara nodded.

“I understand,” Sara replied.

‘Even her voice sounds wrong.’ Her hand tightened its grip.

Erwin stopped talking at her words. He looked stricken for moment before coming closer and placing his hand on top of theirs.

He didn’t say anything further. He just turned and silently left the room.

Hange sniffed loudly and Sara turned her attention to her. Hange leant forward, bringing their heads together gently.

She didn’t know what to say. No words could fix this. Nothing could be done.

The hand in hers squeezed back and Hange realised Sara was trying to comfort her, reassure her.

“It’s alright,” she whispered.

‘No it’s not,’ Hange thought. ‘It’s wrong. It’s all wrong...’

But she nodded, slowly stood and followed after Erwin. Moblit came round,reached over and squeezed Sara’s shoulder gently, offering his own silent gesture of sympathy, then went after his section leader.

They found Levi in the corridor with Erwin.

“Maiyer’s been secured. MPs are on their way, they should be here soon,” he reported.

“I’d like to speak to them myself,” Erwin said. “I want to know how this happened.”

Levi nodded before glancing at Hange. He handed her a handkerchief. “Clean yourself up. You’re a mess.”

Hange nodded woodenly before turning, going to find a washroom, wiping her nose as she went, Moblit trailing behind.

‘It’s all wrong. It’s all wrong...’

  
  


Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Erwin had ordered Mike and Levi to help deal with Maiyer before going after Sara.

Levi had taken a step to follow them anyway but stopped himself before he took another. He turned, pulling Maiyer to his feet and Hendrick was shakily telling them where they could take him when they all heard Sara’s echoing scream.

Time seemed to freeze for a moment before Maiyer started again with his heaving sobs.

“Let’s go,” Levi said.

They followed Hendrick, dragging Maiyer along. The man was barely lucid as they sat him on a chair.

Hendrick went off to order one of the others to fetch the MPs only to return to say they had already been called. It was a good while before Mike gave Levi a long look and suggested he go and report in to Erwin and see if there was anything that could be done in the meanwhile.

Levi had no idea what his face showed but he nodded and headed out, making his way up to Sara’s room after enquiring with one of the staff his commander’s whereabouts.

He met Erwin coming out the room. He was very pale. Hange soon followed, her face a wet disaster, Moblit close behind. After he reported in, the others started moving, Hange heading one way, Erwin the other, saying he would wait for the MPs outside.

Levi glanced at the open door. He couldn’t just leave. Not now.

He stepped inside and after a moment’s consideration, slid into Hange’s vacant seat. Charlotte looked at him before moving away to give them a small amount of privacy, going to speak with Helena who stood silently in the corner.

“Sara.” He said her name, just her name, and it made her look at him and truly see him. He looked lost.

“It’s ok,” she whispered.

“The hell it is,” he replied immediately.

She realised he was angry. She couldn’t deal with anger. It was too close to the white hot rage she was feeling beyond the shock and grief. Hearing even a hint of his threatened her facade.

She had to control herself until they left. “You have to go.”

He frowned at the dismissal. He wasn’t here for a goodbye. “No. Not yet.”

“Levi, you need to go.” He looked like he was about to argue so she tried again. He was a soldier. She could give him orders.

“You... you need to go and...” Her voice was thin, reedy and shaky but got stronger as she continued. “Go with Erwin. Go and fight. Fight and... I want you to kill them. Kill them all if you can. Every last Titan. Lead humanity beyond the walls.” She looked down at her hands, disgusted. “Maybe then we could be… better. Better than _this_...!”

She stopped herself. Her control was wavering and her hands clenched hard, nails digging deep into her skin.

Levi could see she was hurting herself and he gently took one of her hands in his, soothing her fingers out to stop her.

He would take her words. He would add her pain to his own and push forward for the both of them, as he’d done for others. He would shoulder that responsibility. Levi raised her hand and he bent over it, kissing the back of it like a vow.

“I promise.”

Against her will, Sara’s tears began to form again. He was so... kind.

She loved him. She knew that absolutely now. She loved him so much. And she had been happy. Happy with him in the very bed she now sat.

Happy while her son’s body had _rotted_.

She knew it wasn’t Levi’s fault but she couldn’t stand it. She couldn’t even look at him anymore. She pulled her hand back and whispered, “Goodbye Levi.”

Levi heard it. The rejection was clear. She was cutting ties. She was pushing him away.

But underneath that was the surrender. He’d heard that before in soldiers who had given up, whose teams had been wiped out and all they wanted was to join them in death.

“Sara.”

He said her name to try and get her attention again, to try and say something that would pull her back from that precipice. But he knew words wouldn’t reach her now.  
  


Her eyes had slid from him and she was starting to shake, her breath unsteady. Her hands clenched again, this time digging into the blanket that covered her.

He stood, going to Charlotte and the housekeeper.

“Watch her. Closely. Someone with her at all times,” Levi ordered them and they looked confused, then Charlotte’s eyes widened in understanding. She nodded, taking the warning to heart.

One last look, seeing fresh tears roll down from Sara’s averted eyes, Levi turned and walked away.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When the three fresh faced MPs arrived at the Huber estate, they all recognised Erwin immediately. He was grateful. It would save time. He asked that they allow him to be part of the investigation and, after a moment of hesitation, they agreed. He explained what he could about the situation before leading them to Maiyer.

Erwin had no idea what the bloodied man knew about Sara and her actions to protect the Scout Regiment but he calculated that if he could be there to answer or even preempt that line of questioning, he could still save Sara from discovery. He could save her from the gallows.

Even if she would welcome them now.

Levi was impatiently waiting for them in the entry way, Mike and Hendrick still inside with their prisoner.

Entering the room, one of the MPs stepped forward and started to fumble with paper, trying to organise himself ready to ask his questions and Erwin took the opportunity to step in, grabbing another chair and sitting down in front of Maiyer who still looked dazed. Erwin started to ask what exactly had happened.

“He pushed him.”

“Yeah, we got that part,” Levi interrupted from where he was leaning against the wall, earning him a glare from Erwin. “ **What happened**?”

Maiyer’s lips trembled. “He kept asking to see his mother... to see Lady Huber. He just... asked. Lord Wolff... he was _so_... he just... pushed him. He fell... the stairs were... Master William fell and... _his head was_...!” His pale completion started to turn a sickly grey. “He... I tried to... to help but he was dead. I think it was an accident but...”

Maiyer’s eyes went to his hands, staring at the flecks of blood still there. “We were told to clean it up. Make it look like he ran away... then... his body... we took his body and...”

“You disposed of it,” Erwin finished for him and Maiyer nodded.

“In the underground.”

Erwin started to think it over. With no body or evidence to the contrary, it would have been unlikely any proper investigation would have been carried out. Wolff would have been under suspicion but without a willing witness to speak against him, no case would have been brought. Even then witnesses could be coerced or be made to disappear.

“What happened next?”

“I... I... He kept saying it was for best. He kept... _He laughed_! Lord Wolff laughed and I...! _I couldn’t let him!_ ” Maiyer started to get riled up again and both Mike and Hendrick took a step forward. He saw that and the fight went out of him. “I couldn’t let him...”

Guilt and regret took hold. “I should have saved him...” Maiyer whispered. “I should have brought him here, where he’d be safe.”

“Why wasn’t he here?” One of the MPs asked quietly, trying to keep up with the broken narrative.

Maiyer glanced at him, finally becoming aware of their presence. “He... Lord Wolff was... he was trying to force Lady Huber to remarry. He kept saying it was for her own good. He... he said she’d have to if she wanted her son back in one piece, she would have to do as she was told...”

“So it was extortion? He was threatening them?”

Maiyer nodded. “After Lord Huber had been murdered by that thief, he thought he could... that he could _just_...!”

Erwin stood, stepping away. He tried hard to hide his relief. Whether Maiyer was protecting Sara or just believing the lie, Erwin was satisfied that little, if anything further would come from him.

The MPs were glancing at each other, unsure, before the one scribbling notes spoke up.

“We’ll have to take him with us for more questioning.”

“Yes, of course,” Erwin agreed. “I’d like to be kept informed of any developments. Lady Huber is a friend of mine and I’d like to do all I can for her.”

“Where is her Ladyship? We’ll need to speak to her.”

“The woman just lost her son,” Levi said, voice a low threat. “You’re not going anywhere near her.”

“She’s in no state to speak to you now,” Erwin intervened, trying to sooth ruffled feathers. “You may have to return at a later date.”

The MP nodded, understanding. “Very well. We’ll take Maiyer with us now and get a formal statement. If you could write up your own and have it sent over to headquarters Commander?”

“Of course.”

Xxxxxxx

  
  


Mike returned from helping the MPs with putting Maiyer into a carriage to find Hange arguing with Erwin and Moblit trying to calm her down.

“- like this? Is that what you’re saying?!” she shouted, shrugging off Monlit’s restraining arm.

“I’m saying we can’t rely on it any more.”

“But Erwin-!”

“She’s lost enough.”

Hange’s anger seemed to cool while she considered his words.

Erwin turned, going to the window to look out. “We need to keep this to ourselves for now,” he continued after a beat.

“What?!”

Even Levi looked over from where he had sat himself in a chair.

“We don’t tell the others. I won’t undo her work. She wouldn’t want that. Those who are still here will be asked to keep it quiet. It will get out eventually but until then I won’t risk the drop in morale.”

Hange slowly straightened, acknowledging he was right. She knew Sara wouldn’t want the troops distressed over this. Sara wouldn’t want...

She kicked out, catching the edge of a chair, snapping its leg. She hadn’t felt this angry, this _powerless_ , in a long time.

Erwin glanced at her before turning back and said, “Gather whoever’s left to the hall. I’ll speak to them.”

Mike stepped out of the way as Hange stormed passed, Moblit sighing heavily as he followed after her.

Mike could see Erwin’s reflection in the window. He was stone faced and hard eyed. He usually got that look just after he had made an awful decision or come to realise terrible consequences. As always, it was harrowing to see.

He glanced at Levi whose usual blank expression was betrayed by his clenched fists.

He left them to their thoughts and he found his way to Sara’s room. Charlotte spotted him lingering in the doorway and waved him to her.

“The doctor‘s given her something,” she muttered, gesturing the man packing up his bag. “She’ll be out for a while.”

“Maiyer’s gone with the MPs. They’ll be back to speak to Sara later. We’ll be leaving soon. Erwin has told us to keep everything quiet. If the staff can be persuaded to do the same, hopefully it will be a while before the press get wind of it.”

Charlotte nodded and went to speak with the doctor and Mike moved to the bedside.

Even in her drug induced sleep, Sara looked like she was still crying.

He had only met William once. He had hoped, despite everything, that he’d get to see him again some day.

He hated that such a simple hope had been so easily crushed.

  
  


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Chapter art/mood board 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/635783317607841792/show-chapter-archive>

Chapter notes 

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/67911778>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter touches on suicidal inclinations and grief


	43. The Gravity of Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grief can be a paralytic or a powerful motivator

The mornings were the worst.

For one brief moment, when she first awoke Sara would forget. She wouldn’t know. She would exist in a world where nothing had changed. 

And then she would remember. And it was like hearing the news all over again. Like losing him all over again.

The military police finally returned to speak to her. The man was a new recruit, flustered under the responsibility, but with Maiyer having already confessed in front of witnesses, it was merely a formality.

He had asked simple questions, most of which Charlotte answered, and left quickly, making the entire process seem pointless.

Sara became more and more withdrawn after the funeral. A cursory search had been made of the underground city for William’s body but the casket was empty when it was lowered.

She had swayed forward, almost tipping before Charlotte grabbed hold of her. It was like the grave was owed a body and she was more than willing to let it have hers.

After that she was near catatonic, she was like a doll or puppet. Helena and the maids would get her up, help wash and dress her. She would eat tiny amounts mechanically, sip from cups placed in front of her, without hunger or thirst. She barely spoke.

They watched her, taking shifts to ensure she was never alone as Levi had ordered but in her dazed, disconnected state the only time Sara seemed to have energy was when she slept, her nightmares making her struggle and cry and fight and scream, leaving her exhausted and listless come morning.

She diminished, going thin and drawn and Charlotte worried how much more Sara could take, how much longer would she last.

And whether they truly had any right to try and stop her from slipping away.

X-x-x-x-x

“Just hang on! You’re going to be OK!”

Levi could hear the shouting before he and his squad got close. One of the left wing reconnaissance squads had already been taken out, the other two escaping with injured.

“Just our shitty luck,” he grumbled. “Chay! Pass it on.” Levi called his orders, while Luther finished helping a bleeding man get onto the back of Aksel’s horse. “Get him to the carts.”

“Sir,” the soldiers acknowledged before they took off fast.

“Captain Levi! Titans! Looks like an Abnormal too!” Ivan shouted, voice shaky, relaying what he could see from a few metres in front as he set off his flare.

“Shit.”

They got moving, riding hard to catch up, watching as the ugly monsters staggered towards the others. The wide open space in front gave a good range of vision and few hiding spots for the Titans but also offered little cover for the troops. More flares went up and they could see the squads turning, leaving the most of the Titans far behind but there was no escaping the Abnormal.

“Prepare to engage,” Levi called. They’d have to be careful. If they weren’t fast enough the other Titans would catch up while they were fighting and then there could be trouble.

Levi steadied his horse, keeping straight, getting ready to fire his hooks but the Abnormal changed direction.

‘You’re an annoying shit, aren’t you.’

He got back in range but swore when he saw more smoke trails go up. They were on the far side, meaning the entire regiment would have to swing back. Back in the direction of the Abnormal and the other Titans.

He urged his horse faster.

The bizarre faced monster barely seemed to take notice when his hooks dug in but it twisted at the last moment.

Levi skilfully swung himself round, blades ready to slice.

One cut across the eyes, then he spun himself out, moving into position to get at the nape.

Done.

He didn’t have time to try clean up the evaporating blood. He could see the squad in front were having to engage the Titans but without the protection of the outlier squads the entire left side was lacking numbers and there were a fair few newer recruits there too.

“Keep going!” he called to his squad as he got back to his horse. He could already hear the screams of terror.

He rode hard to catch up quickly.

A young recruit had been pulled from his horse, gripped tight in a Titan’s hands. Eld killed it but Levi could see it was too late for the soldier. His lower half was a mangled, bloody mess. The rest of his squad were working well together to cut down the rest and he joined them, helping to make short work of it all with coordinating superior numbers.

The steady plumes of steam started to clear and Levi made his way over to where Petra had been trying to tend to the fallen solider. He was dead.

“He kept asking me to dance,” she said, shaken.

‘Justin.’ Levi recognised his bloody face. ‘His name was Justin Lange.’

He remembered how the recruit had been, shouting with pride when he’d won a game of cards, helping to look after the horses, getting handsy with that servant.

The way he had playfully spun Sara round and round, making her laugh out loud.

More smoke flares went up. More Titans.

He ordered Ivan and Gunther to help with securing the dead and tending to the injured before getting the rest of his squad moving.

He had more monsters to kill.

He had promises to keep.

  
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Chapter art  
  


<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/636027955582255104/show-chapter-archive>

  
Soundtrack option 

Balmorhea - The Winter (for the first half)

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hyBHO2xZ7c>

Thomas Bergersen - Into Darkness (for the second)

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxThZpslbhE>

  
  
Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/69077193#workskin>


	44. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News on Maiyer and a wake up call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in this x I’ll try to post more regularly again

  
Charlotte stormed through the estate, her furious gaze making the others keep their distance.

Word had eventually gotten out. It had simply been a matter of time. They had expected something but not this...

William’s death had been all but brushed under the rug. It was very clear that the press had been told what to write; the little Lord’s tragic accident when he had been visiting family, especially awful given it was so soon after his father’s.

No mention of exactly who he had been visiting. No mention of Lord Wolff’s actions. No mention of Sara.

Lord Wolff’s killing had been reported as a horrific murder, the work of a mad servant, a terrible incident that should be severely punished as a deterrent against similar crimes.

The nobles had used their influence and done all they could to save grace.

And Maiyer was to be put to death.

On her friend’s behalf, Charlotte had asked for leniency, but it fell on deaf ears. The poor man had asked to speak to Sara but Charlotte had deemed that impossible and gone herself instead. Now his letter, his last request, sat in her pocket and she had no idea how she could ever fulfil it.

She had been walking back through the headquarters, led away from the holding cells, lost in dark, heartbreaking thoughts, when she had overheard a few MPs talking.

They were joking around. Talking and laughing. About William. About Lord Huber. About Erwin. About how Sara had arranged the death of her own family so she could have it all and be with the Scout Commander. It was a ridiculous idea, mostly made in jest, but it had rattled Charlotte.

‘ _How_...?!’ she thought, seething. ‘How could they ever think that?!’

Her escorting guard had pulled her away before she could do something she might regret.

Her anger hadn’t abated during the long carriage ride back. Nor when she saw Sara again, barely moved from her spot at the window. Nor when she had told Sara of what she had heard, expecting something, _anything_ , any kind of reaction.

Sara didn’t even blink.

Rage and anguish surged through her. Between the turmoil she already felt and the weight of the letter in her pocket, she couldn’t handle it anymore and all of it became focused on the person in front of her.

“WAKE UP!” she shouted.

Charlotte’s arm moved without thought and she slapped Sara hard across the face. Sara’s head snapped to the side with the force of it. It was only due to her being sat in a deep chair that she hadn’t fallen to the floor.

Stunned by her own actions, horrified at what she had done, Charlotte immediately apologised.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Forgive me! I didn’t mean it! I didn’t...!”

She knelt in front of her, clasping Sara’s hands in her own one, holding tight.

“I’m sorry.” She started to cry.

Slowly, haltingly, it all came out. Charlotte confessed that she wanted to help Sara in raising her son, living vicariously through her as she and her husband had been trying desperately to have a baby, before finally going to the doctor. He had told them that Charlotte’s injuries had been too severe; too much scaring, the damage too great. They would never have children.

Another thing the Titans had stolen from her.

As Charlotte wept and wept, she didn’t see how the sharp sting of her slap had brought Sara’s world slowly back into focus.

Sara heard her words, heard her pain.

The soft haze she had been in faded away. The world she had been detached from reconnected its ties at the sight of Charlotte’s tears.

The stingy ache of her cheek, the dull pain where Charlotte’s hand held her own too tight, helped to ground her.

The impotent fury that she had been numb to stirred.

But it was cold.

And calculating.

‘The Titans.’

Slowly, so slowly, her mind began to tick over.

‘They were the reason. The reason they were trapped inside the walls. But there’s more...’

Her mind didn’t race. It took days for her to truly gather her thoughts. Charlotte, Helena, Hendrick and others all came and went while Sara refocused her mind, and they all became worried by this strange new contemplative expression on her face.

It had been Erwin’s question. His theory.

And it was _dangerous_.

His father had died for it. And they had discussed it quietly themselves, long ago, deeming it too great a risk for Sara to do any sort of investigation in her position...

She felt no fear now.

She wasn’t a Scout, her death could be as meaningless as her son’s but she was going to get up, push forward, use everything within her grasp to learn the truth. She could do that much at least. She had to try. Even if it was the last thing she ever did.

Erwin would be angry if he knew what she was considering. He had left her behind to try and keep what she had left safe. She knew that.

But she had steps to take. A direction to follow. She wouldn’t stop.

She _couldn’t_ stop.

As she slowly started to eat more, talk more, regaining small amounts of strength and equilibrium, Sara couldn’t help be think of her mother and her words.

“Stop crying!” she had hissed. “You’re making a scene.”

It had been her grandfather’s funeral. Sara still remembered the way her mother’s hands had gripped her arms, nails digging in.

“Remember, grief makes people uncomfortable. Behave like a lady. We pay that governess enough, you had better learn her lessons!”

Ingrid Cartwright could be such a cold women. Manipulative. Even cruel at times.

But she had also been right.

In the months that followed, everyone had been uneasy around Sara. The friends she had made in the outer edges of nobility, low ranking, unimportant, had babbled at Sara, saying anything and everything in their discomfort. 

Sara could use that. She was deeply trusted in some circles. She would expand her reach. She would fashion her grief into a weapon. Her mourning clothes would become her armour.

She knew she could never match the woman who birthed her. Ingrid had dug her claws into Sara’s father John as a way to move up in the world, becoming pregnant to ensure he would marry her, would have done anything to obtain her goal to get better life for herself. Then she had pushed for Sara to become something more as well. Having obtained money, Ingrid desired status and a title and she’d used her own daughter to get it. And she had succeeded.

Sara could only hope she had some of the same ruthlessness somewhere within her as well.

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Chapter banner/art

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/637657377657782272/looking-beyond-chapter-44-rainmaker-shingeki>

Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/69077436>


	45. Bitter Burdens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A delivery and dark thoughts 
> 
> WARNINGS! SEE END NOTES!

  
Prepare. Expedition. Report. Rest. Train. Report. Prepare. Expedition. Report. Rest. Train. Report. Prepare. Expedition. Report. Rest. Train. Report. Prepare. Expedition. Report. Rest. Train.

Life had resettled into what passed for normal for Levi.

“Pitiful. Do it again.”

Gunther nodded and went to try his hand to hand manoeuvre again against Chay. It was good to see the activity was working well a way to keep the young soldier’s mind off breaking up with his girlfriend.

And it was always good to keep the troops in shape but Levi still thought it was a bad idea that they’d left him in charge of training.

Again.

He had been told repeatedly his standards were too high. It wouldn’t be long before he started getting complaints from the squad leaders or whined at by his own subordinates. Unfortunately, for all concerned, no one else was available.

Erwin and a lot of the senior staff had returned yesterday from a meeting about the Scout’s finances and, from the look on their faces, it hadn’t gone as well as hoped.

Today followed with more of the same. They were surviving but it was hard going at times. And, as always it seemed of late, tough decisions were being made behind closed doors.

Levi thought it better he stay out the way than give Erwin another headache from his bitching about it.

‘If only those rich bastards really knew what we were up against, maybe then they’d change their tune.’

It wasn’t first time he’d have these thought. He doubted it would be the last.

Excited shouts from the gate shook him from his thinking. He was as surprised as the rest of the soldiers when he saw three large wagons filled with supplies rumble in.

“This is incredible!”

“Wow! Can you believe it?”

“The Commander’s hard work is really paying off!”

“Was this expected?!”

“Do you think it’s from the Merchant’s Guild?”

“Don’t be an idiot. Those pigs don’t care about us.” The troops scattered a little as Levi made his way through.

Hendrick hopped down from the nearest wagon.

“Captain Levi.”

“Hendrick.”

The man looked stunned that he was remembered, but Levi wasn’t likely to ever forget. Nothing about that day had faded from his memory.

Hendrick looked uncomfortable, even resentful, as he presented the inventory sheets.

“Your delivery. As promised. We... _apologise_ for the delay.” His words were said through clenched teeth.

Frowning at his tone, Levi took the papers. As far as he was aware, they weren’t due anything from the Cartwright company.

Erwin had said it himself. They weren’t to rely on any of it anymore. And they certainly hadn’t presumed after...

Three full wagons. This would keep them comfortable for a good while and be extremely helpful with the routes they were forging.

It took a while but he considered that this was the list Sara had been putting together, all that time ago. He never expected her to keep her promise.

Levi looked back at the papers, leafing through them. They were all signed off by Charlotte. Not Sara.

Erwin and the others came to join them and Levi handed off the paperwork. He watched as the commander’s face shifted from surprised to stoic.

Erwin took charge, ordering the loitering soldiers to help with unloading the boxes. His expression was markedly different from his subordinates, who gleefully got to work, mood almost celebratory.

Some recognised the stylised “C” burned into the side of the wagons, realising where it had come from.

Then came the reminiscing about the party; the music, the food, the laughter.

Their pretty Lady patroness who had been so welcoming, who had sang and danced the night away with them.

Nanaba came to stand next to Levi, arms folded as she watched the activity. She was clearly struggling to hide her own feelings.

“It doesn’t seem right does it,” she said. It wasn’t a question. She was one of the few who knew, who had been there and been asked for discretion.

“No. It doesn’t,” he replied.

Part of him wanted to reassure her. “It’s what Sara would want,” was what he wanted to say but he knew in truth, now, he had no clue what she would want or how she would be feeling. So he held his tongue and said nothing further to her, moving off to assist the others.

“Don’t run with that, you dumbass!” he shouted, scowling at an overexcited recruit, his own frustration getting the better of him.

With so many hands helping, it didn’t take long to organise and store the goods. Two of the now empty wagons left but the third waited as Hendrick stayed behind.

“A minute of your time if you have it sir?” he had reluctantly asked Erwin, who, for the briefest of moments, had stilled at the words, steeling himself before leading the way to his office.

Levi trailed behind. If this was bad news, the worst news, he was going to be there to hear it.

Hendrick was offered a seat but he refused. He hadn’t been happy at all during the offloading, even when the young Scouts came to thank him. He didn’t agree with what had been sent. His hand went into his jacket and he pulled out a thick sealed envelope. He begrudgingly handed it to Erwin, then stepped back, almost coming to stand at attention.

“We apologise for the delay with the order. It was organised in advance and paid for, we just... We were just... We needed confirmation.”

It was a flimsy excuse but it was the best Hendrick could bring himself to say. The boxes and crates had been sat in the warehouse for weeks. They could have been sent earlier but Hendrick hadn’t felt particularly inclined to hurry in delivering it until Charlotte had returned under Sara’s orders. She soon stepped back into her role as manager in Sara’s absence, following her instructions to a tee, and gotten everything straightened out, including what he had just handed over.

Hendrick couldn’t help his resentment. Sara, the girl he had watched blossom into the woman she had become, had lost everyone she held dear. She was broken. And part of him blamed the Scouts. Blamed Erwin.

He watched as the Commander opened the envelope. Inside was money, a lot of it, and a cash sheet.

“Please count it, note the amount and sign for receipt.” He kept his words clipped.

That money was what Sara had scraped together to give to Lord Wolff as a way of buying back her son, be as part of a ransom or simply as a gesture or promise of more to come. He wondered if Erwin would figure that out. Whether he’d feel guilty.

Levi’s eyes had gone wide at the notes but Erwin just nodded and started counting, doing as he was asked. He handed the completed sheet back to Hendrick, who thanked him and quickly made for the door.

“How is she?”

The quiet question made him stop but not turn.

“Am I obliged to answer sir?” He tried to keep the spite from his tone.

Erwin hesitated. It made Hendrick sigh. “Alive. She’s... she’s alive.”

“Thank you.”

After Hendrick hurriedly left, Erwin started writing immediately and ordered Levi to bring Brier and Aldo. When he returned with the head of provisions and the new head of finance, both carrying sheets of paper filled with numbers, Erwin looked even more serious.

The Commander handed over the money with the amount clearly written on top.

“Is it enough?”

Brier and Aldo both consulted their paperwork but Levi could tell Erwin already knew the answer.

“No,” Aldo said. “I’m sorry sir, even with this...” He shook his head, dismayed. “At least seven will have to go. Ten would be better.”

‘People,’ Levi thought it, even as they didn’t say it. ‘They are talking about ten people.’

Erwin nodded. “I know you have already but I’ll ask again for volunteers.”

Both men looked utterly disillusioned. This wasn’t a new conversation or decision. The Survey Corps could not afford to maintain itself and look after all those who had been injured but not discharged.

The “freak squad” they were called by some, much to Levi’s disgust. Amputee or disfigured soldiers. Ones who were strong enough to still contribute but not enough to be on the front lines.

Any personnel who had special skills had priority to stay. Everyone else who had somewhere to go, be it to another form of employment or back to their families had been relieved of their duties. Those who didn’t, had few options. Most were sent to the fields to help grow crops but it always had a severely negative effect on the discharged.

“They’ll die in those fields,” Brier said quietly.

“Sir, what about Chimneys? Has Lady-?”

Erwin interrupted Aldo before he could continue. “Sara was clear. She would not reopen it until she could guarantee what happened before wouldn’t happen again.”

“But surely that’s- ?”

Erwin levelled his gaze at him. “Nothing has changed.”

Aldo shoulders sagged and said nothing more.

“I will write again to Lord Rouser about employment options but please do not count of a positive outcome. You’re dismissed gentlemen.”

“Sir.”

They left and Levi shut the door behind them turning back to assess Erwin as he sat at his desk scribbling away furiously.

He knew there weren’t many Erwin was close to. He had been told by others that you had to give up a piece of your own soul to become a commander. To be able to make the decision that one person was worth more than another but that they were all expendable in the end...

There weren’t many people who would want to be around someone like that.

Someone like Erwin.

Someone like him.

Again, these were not new thoughts. He’d been having them for years.

Erwin’s writing paused but he didn’t look up. “Something you needed?”

“No.”

“Then you’re dismissed.”

“Right.”

Levi knew he couldn’t relieve these burdens, as much as he wanted to. Lost in thought, he returned to lead the training. They may not like it but the troops in front of him were about to get an even harder session.

Anything to make them stronger.

Anything to help them survive.

Xxxx

Hendrick arrived at the estate just as Lady Stoker left. The woman looked happy with herself, smug and insufferable. Far too happy for someone who had just finished having tea with a grieving mother.

Hendrick tried not to openly scowl at her as he bowed, giving her plenty of space as she moved past. He made his way through to find Sara in her own room, sat at the vanity, Helena helping to take down her hair from its severe high twist, handing off pins to a maid.

“It’s done,” he reported, watching her in the mirror.

“Thank you for your hard work,” she replied gently.

Hendrick hesitated before admitting, “He asked about you.”

Sara’s eyes caught his in the reflection, before looking away. If it hadn’t been for the glance, he wouldn’t have been sure she’d heard him.

“I’m sorry to impose on you again but I’d like you to accompany me for the next few days. Please take a good rest, we’ll be travelling a ways.”

“Yes ma’am.” One last look at her pale face before leaving, mind working, thinking hard if there was anything further he could do to help her, anything he do do to lighten her load.

Helena’s reflection replaced Hendrick’s and now she watched as the strange detached look returned to Sara’s eyes.

“Could you please fetch some scissors?”

The housekeeper obeyed but with reluctance. They had been careful, all this time, to keep anything too sharp away from her. In these last few days especially they had seen a change in the lady of the house, mood swings, terrible blankness and long moments of deep contemplation. Now, with this latest delivery finished and company set to rights, they had feared she would feel her work complete. They feared the worst.

She returned quickly to see her mistress bunching up her hair, looking at its length.

“Cut it,” she ordered.

“My lady?”

“Cut it. Short. Like Maude’s.”

The woman in question had barely more than the workmen’s usual cropped style.

Helena considered it before putting down the scissors. “It wouldn’t suit you,” she replied coolly.

Sara’s eyes narrowed slightly at the refusal.

“Forgive me,” she continued, trying to be kind. “But no. I think this is something you’d regret.”

“You think so?” Her tone was quietly dismissive.

“I think it’s always been a part of you, something you’ve always liked.” Helena’s look became almost pitying. “And I know Master William liked it too.”

Helena knew it was a manipulative move on her part but she never would have expected Sara’s reaction. Her fist stuck out, not at the servant but at the mirror. It cracked, having been caught by her ring. A shard imbedded itself into her skin, making her bleed.

“Don’t use him like that. Never again, not ever, do you hear me?” Her voice was a low threat.

Helena’s spine straightened despite her shock. She glanced at the maid, sending her for bandages. Once they were alone, she pressed on. “You cannot cut away your pain.”

“Is that what you think I’m doing.” It wasn’t a question. The whispered words held minimal emotion. She was clearly trying to restrain herself.

Still Helena stood firm. Bluntly, she said, “I think you’re trying to hurt yourself, one way or another.”

Sara looked away. “Don’t you think that’s warranted.”

Helena, of all people, knew. Knew her sins. Knew that everything that had happened could simply be God’s punishment for her own actions.

“The world doesn’t work that way.”

Sara wanted to scream. She looked at the scissors that sat within reach.

Just for a moment, she thought of how easy it would be, to just give up, stop fighting, be done with it all...

No. Not now.

Not when she had finally started to take steps forward. Lady Stoker was just the beginning.

And... she couldn’t do that to Helena. Not like that.

Slowly, her fire died down, her anger puttering out. “I’m sorry.”

Helena placed a gentle hand on Sara’s shoulder. “I won’t cut your hair. I... enjoy brushing for you,” she confessed with a sad, awkward smile. Her hand squeezed, comforting. “Please.”

It was the please that did it. The final nail in the coffin. Sara sagged and nodded, relenting.

Helena was still quick to take the scissors away.

  
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Chapter banner/art

  
<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/637657538903588864/show-chapter-archive>

  
Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/69078093>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter touches on suicidal thoughts


	46. Flex and bend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life continues on with its twists and turns

“Disgraceful,” Levi muttered but it was without bite.

Mike and his squad were passed out, slumped together in the chairs and couches by the fire. They had been toasting their lost squad mate all evening before eventually succumbing to their drunken stupors.

Levi hadn’t really known the man but, from what he’d overheard, Paul had been a cocky little shit, and had died because of his arrogance and overconfidence. Lynne was still in the infirmary, injured while trying to save him, but she would be fine, due to return to light duty by the end of the week.

Thankfully the rest of the team had taken it all in their stride for the most part, setting aside this time to morn their comrade and everyone had given them space to do so.

“Keep an eye on them,” Erwin had said before heading to bed.

“Roger.”

Levi kept out the way, silent but watchful.

It wasn’t a new tradition to send off a fallen comrade with a good amount of alcohol but it was unusual to see Mike like this. Levi knew the man’s sense of responsibility matched his physical size. Paul had been placed with them to try and calm him down. Obviously it hadn’t been enough and the idiot had died on his third expedition.

‘Pitiful,’ Levi had thought.

Mike gave a snuffing snore, sinking further into his seat. Nanaba was slumped against him, Gelgar on her other side, looking like he was about to slide off the long couch. Thomas was curled up strangely in his own chair. It didn’t look comfortable. Henning was the only one who had a reasonable sleep posture.

He watched as Nanaba flinched a little, her hand coming up to clutch at Mike’s jacket, snuggling against him. In response, Mike’s head came down to rest against hers, pulling her closer, seeking his own comfort, breathing her in even in his sleep.

Levi looked away.

He moved over to the window, seeing little in the dark.

Without meaning to, his mind drifted towards Sara. He didn’t want to think about her. He had tried hard not to.

He knew there had been no contact. Hange had gone to write to her multiple times only to stop herself. Erwin had too, just the once, though he had tried to hide his momentary slip up.

Levi frowned at his own reflection.

“Alive. She’s... she’s alive.” Hendrick’s words.

He knew that could mean anything.

Being alive and actually living were two _very_ different things.

Part of him wanted to see. To see for himself. To check.

He wanted to see her.

‘Get it together,’ he scolded himself.

He took a deep breath, eyes closing. When he opened them, he noticed just how dirty the windows were. Cleaning them would be a good distraction and he could still keep watch on the others.

He quickly got to work.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extravagant and wasteful lunches and dinners. Shopping for nothing other than to show off wealth. Listening to music performed by nervous looking professionals who knew their livelihoods could be threatened if one wrong word was spoken by their audience.

Selfishness and arrogance. Abuses of power. Casual cruelty and ill-treatment. Wilful ignorance.

Everything she hated about nobility.

It wasn’t like Sara hadn’t been part of this side of their society before but she had forgotten how it could be in large doses. Week after week, giving way to tedious months.

Slowly.

Slowly...

Still, she sat, daintily drinking her overly milky tea, listening to Lady Stoker go on and on to her and the others sat at the parlour about a seamstress who hadn’t met expectations.

‘Disgraceful,’ Sara thought, trying hard not to let her calm, polite expression slip.

At least she had been making progress.

She now knew why there hadn’t been any attempts on her life. It wasn’t so much because she was constantly under guard by trusted men, but rather the question of inheritance was still under debate.

With Jacob, William _and_ Lord Wolff all gone, there was no heir apparent. Wolff had no legitimate children so that left a dozen cousins, all vying for a claim and the bastards that had been fathered, that would struggle to find footing in this den of snakes without significant support.

They’d be killing each other before they came for her.

She also learnt that there was a list of suitors as long as her arm waiting for an opportunity to seek her hand. She couldn’t bring herself to be flattered.

She was starting to collect other information too, valuable snippets here and there, profiling the different guests, some she knew, though most were new faces. When she returned to the estate or warehouse, she wrote herself notes; pages and pages of small details, looking for any clues, any abnormalities.

Slowly.

Slowly.

Slowly expanding her circle, keeping her eyes and ears open.

Lady Schubert was one of the new people Sara had met. She was a quiet, contemplative and graceful. She was also royalty, be it a very minor relation. She had a coolness towards their hostess that seemed to speak volumes. They had shared more than one glance of quiet exasperation at their host’s comments.

Finally, their afternoon tea finished and Sara made her excuses along with a couple of others, thanking and going to leave. A voice spoke up to stop her in the corridor outside the parlour.

“Lady Huber.”

Sara turned and curtsied low. “My Lady Schubert.”

“Emily please,” she replied. “I’m not so insecure that I need constant reminders of my title.” Her tone made it clear she didn’t appreciate Lady Stoker’s insistence of it.

“Sara then.” They shared a small smile.

“I... I wanted to personally offer my condolences to you,” Emily continued after a beat.

Surprised, Sara tonelessly replied, “Thank you.”

“It must be awful, I can’t imagine...” She was uncomfortable but trying anyway. Kind, in a way. Unusual for one of her rank.

Sara said nothing and Emily offered another gentle look. “Fredericka said you were longing for civilised company and I just wondered if you would like to come with me next week.”

Sara’s head tilted, curious.

“It’s just a little gathering but there will be music and, hopefully, some... livelier conversation. You could attend as my guest.”

Sara bowed her head in thanks. “I am very grateful for the invitation. I would love to join you.”

Emily gave a bright smile. “Wonderful.” She hesitated for a moment, trying to be tactful. “Might I make a suggestion though? I don’t wish to offend but...”

Sara shook her head saying “please”, welcoming the advice.

Gently, hesitantly. “Perhaps something other than black? It is a party after all.”

Uncomfortable but trying. Concerned but thoughtful. Sara had the feeling that, if things were different, she might actually really like this woman.

“Oh! I’m sorry if this has caused upset,” Sara said, hand going to the material of her dark skirt, looking shamed.

“No no, I don’t want _you_ to be uncomfortable. It’s just... people might... stare.”

“You’re very kind.” Appreciating the concern, Sara nodded, graceful and conceding. “Would blue be acceptable?”

“Yes, of course. I will send you the particulars.” Emily gave a little curtsy and Sara responded in kind. “I’m really looking forward to it.”

“Thank you, I think I will as well. Goodbye for now.”

Emily returned through the door she’d come through and Sara made her way out. At the entrance, she spotted Hendrick waiting for her with the carriage. Walking towards him, she knew she was smiling.

It wasn’t a pleasant smile.

A success. Another step forward. Another step deeper.

It was working.

She was disgusted with herself, her skin crawling at her own actions. Her own words.Manipulations.

But slowly...

Slowly.

Another step closer to the truth.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chapter art

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/639580008680210434/show-chapter-archive>

Soundtrack suggestion (as Sara says goodbye to Emily.)

Paint it black - Hidden Citizens version

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crLut8Plq9c>

Chapter notes 

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/70122135>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone xxx
> 
> I thought I’d leave you a little present of a pining Levi and moving forward Sara!
> 
> Enjoy!


	47. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hange makes a breakthrough. Sara lives the high life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!
> 
> 10 easy points to Gryffindor for guessing who “the man” is (no cheating by looking at the chapter art)

  
Hange knew she was still thinking out loud, even as Moblit dragged her along to the mess hall. He sat her down and went to fetch them both a plate of food and drinks. She was vaguely aware of her squad being at the table, talking, trying to get her attention but she didn’t want to loose her train of thought.

“It could really work,” she muttered. “Even for capturing larger Titans.”

She’d have to leave the fine tuning to the engineers but it could definitely work. Moving away from the nets and use the Titans own healing abilities against them. She’d flesh it out a little more, further develop the concept she and Moblit had been working on so she’d have something more solid to present to Erwin but it could really work. It would take time and money and...

There was a plate of food in front of her now and a tankard of beer.

Moblit had slumped down next to her and had already finished his drink, food not yet touched. Rashad was laughing at him, saying he’d feel that sooner rather than later.

Her squad. They were in a good mood. Something about it being almost five years.

Five years since the fall of Wall Maria. Five years since the incident with the Colossal and Armoured Titans. She wondered if her new contraption would have been able to restrain them.

“Ooooh if only I had been there to see them!”

Given the strange looks she got she was still thinking out loud but she didn’t want to stop.

“Five years...”

So much had changed.

So much had stayed the same.

“Still so much to learn...”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sara had caught sight of him a few times now, in passing, but this evening he lingered in the far corner, by the door, mostly ignored by everyone. If it wasn’t for his slouched stance and clothes he could be mistaken for a servant.

Older. Tall. Long limbed.

Last time she saw him, he exchanged a few short words with a man Sara didn’t know before leaving quickly. Even the very few people who acknowledged him were extremely skittish around him.

He scared the hell out of her.

The way he held himself, relaxed but still and ready. The way he moved, in complete control despite his casual movements.

There was something about the look in his eye.

It was like he could kill every single person in the room and no feel a shred of remorse.

“What do you think, my Lady?”

Thankfully the teasing question wasn’t aimed at her but it brought Sara’s full attention back to the conversation in front of her.

Emily tittered. “I think you soldier boys are all the same.”

Captain Quinton was nearly old enough to be her father but he preened at being called ‘boy’. Sara had watched this flirty behaviour between the two all evening. She wondered if this was why Emily’s husband wasn’t here.

“You know you’re fair share of soldiers, don’t you Sara? What do you think?”

Lady Polter had asked this question. She was a high ranking noble, married into royalty, who had been looking down her nose at Sara since they’d met a month ago.

“I think every soldier has their merits. Every one of them has to have some redeeming features, to be in service to the people.”

Such a bland answer was not what the Lady had been after. She probed again, almost sneering. “Come now, what of your brave Commander Erwin?”

Sara’s head tilted and she blinked, the picture of innocence. She deliberately ignored the “your”.

“Is he not handsome?” she continued, pushing, like she was trying to get Sara to admit something disgraceful.

“I suppose he is, isn’t he?”

Vague interest and a contemplative tone. Probably the opposite of what they were expecting, given the rumours, especially since so many affairs in these circles were openly flaunted here as a show of connection or power.

The lord with Captain Quinton, Lord Mortimer, looked at Sara with renewed interest. Clearly he was thinking if the rumours weren’t true, that she was fair game. The women in their group looked surprised, then uninterested.

‘Probably just one less thing to gossip about,’ Sara thought, though it felt good to be setting the record straight, even in an indirect way. She had considered that the old rumours were why Emily continued to seek her out, thinking they were birds of a feather in their unhappy marriages and infidelity.

Before Lady Polter could needle further, Emily cut in saying, “Yes, he is. Very handsome.” She looked straight at the Captain, obviously aiming to make him jealous.

He huffed in return, almost pouting like a child and the group laughed.

“Well I’ll bet he can’t dance as well as I can. He doesn’t have the experience,” he leered as he led Emily away to the join the other twirling couples. Some of others paired up and followed. Lady Polter went as well, defeated for now.

Sara tried not to sigh in relief. She had be so careful here. Every topic was a potential trap. She knew if she was brought in too far into discussion about the Scouts, some of her stronger feelings might come through and it would lessen their opinions of her; here a person became a patron for political reasons, or for prestige, or as a show of wealth, not for the cause. But it was also be another opportunity to raise funds. She knew the Scouts had at least two weapons in development, one very promising, and they were still struggling to finance it.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” Lord Mortimer asked gently, interrupting her thoughts.

“Yes thank you. It’s very kind of Lady Schubert to keep inviting me to these wonderful events.”

He smiled and they chatted for a while; polite, meaningless conversation but he was fishing, trying his luck, being overly complimentary, almost sycophantic. It was a blatant attempt to get closer to her. It all seemed a little pathetic to Sara and then,

“I wonder,” he said, contemplative, “are you a church goer my Lady?”

Sara’s eyebrow arch, surprised at the change of topic. “No. Sadly my family has never been especially religious.”

“Perhaps you would care to join me then? The Order of the Walls is an excellent place to find solace and strength. We even have a small chapel on our grounds.”

Sara had considered her own local church before as a place to gather further information. And it wasn’t the first time the Order had been mentioned to her. There was even a representative dressed in robes here, speaking confidently to members of the aristocracy.

They were a strange group.

Fanatical. Dangerous and secretive.

It could be exactly what she had been looking for and this could be her way in but there was something about the way he asked, like he was testing her. And something in his tone that said it would be solely for his benefit not hers.

Anything could happen behind those closed doors.

She didn’t want to risk it. Not yet.

“That’s very kind of you. But I’m not prepared to accept such... comfort yet.”

Mortimer looked more than disappointed, annoyed and irritated.

“I’m sorry my Lord,” Sara rushed to say, not wanting to undo her own work by being too severe or definitive. “I know it must seem strange to you. But... I need more time.”

She made the gamble of gently putting her hand on his where it rested on his ornamental cane. Overfamiliar but it did the trick. He relaxed.

“Please understand,” she added.

He nodded, relieved and a little charmed. “I do. I know a woman is not to be rushed.”

She gave him a half smile, showing relief and apology, and he responded in kind.

As they turned to watch the other dance, Sara’s eyes went to the corner.

The tall man was gone.

  
  


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Chapter art

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/639660832647790592/show-chapter-archive>

  
Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/70718403#main>


	48. Dangerous Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What a difference a day makes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re catching up to canon properly now so going forward it does assume you know the manga/anime

  
Erwin never could have guessed how much their world could change in just a few short hours.

He had been leading his troops, steady and sure. He had heard the usual chatter during the morning, even Levi grumbling voice and Hange’s teasing replies. He had felt the general air of normality as they rode through the city, the civilians almost carefree with their everyday activities; their comfortable world and peaceful small mindedness. So very different from his own troops and their fierce determination.

They had been pressing forward, engaging the enemy. The Scouts had been too far away when they realised what was happening behind them. With the horde of Titans massing towards Trost it was just like five years ago; the gate had been breached and the monsters were pouring in.

Erwin sent Squad Levi to race ahead and scale the wall, to assess the carnage but as he and the rest got closer they could see instead of a gate, or even the ruins of one, a boulder blocked the way. They saw the flares go up and could make out Titan steam.

There was a rushed explanation and immediate call to assist the Garrison in corralling and clearing the enemy trapped with Trost. Erwin split his troops, with the bulk going to help and the rest heading off with the supply wagons and horses, quickly making for the safety Karanes district.

When they were finally fully briefed on the situation, Erwin could see everyone’s minds were racing, just like his own.

Eren Jaeger.

A new clue.

A new hope for humanity.

If he was truly like the Colossal and Armour Titan, it could be the start of unraveling their mystery, especially the way they had disappeared. Worryingly it also meant there could be many more with this strange “ability” hidden away with the walls. If he had understood correctly, Dr Jaeger and his basement in Shiganshina could hold even more answers.

His squad leaders were divided in their opinions. Hange was ecstatic, desperate to get her hands on Eren. Mike, Ness and most of the others were hesitant, wanting more information. Levi was particularly suspicious of course, especially with the cadet’s supposed amnesia.

After speaking with Eren directly, Erwin still had questions and reservations but theyouth had convinced them with his... _enthusiasm_. Even Levi seemed impressed.

Erwin continued to formulate a plan to get Eren put in their care, considering that trying to persuade with just words might not be enough, that they would have to rely on Levi’s abilities and perhaps a show of force.

“So if we can’t convince them I’m to what? Beat up this kid?” Levi asked, still a little incredulous.

“If we allow him to be taken by the military police, he’ll suffer a worse fate,” Erwin replied.

“Kid’s got a mouth on him. He’ll probably give opportunity.”

Erwin could see the other man’s reluctance. Killing an out of control Titan was one thing, beating a restrained boy was another. For all Levi’s strength, Erwin knew he didn’t relish the idea of inflicting pain unnecessarily.

“You can’t just use that crook’s smile of yours to persuade them? Sweet talk them into it?” Levi asked.

Erwin was slightly chagrinned by the backhanded compliment. He shook his head. “We need to make a statement, prove that we can control him. It’s my goal to put him directly under your supervision and add him to your squad. As you said, you’re record speaks for itself. Our superiors will find reassurance in that.”

Levi gave a “tch”. “Fine. I’ll trust your judgment.”

The day before the trial, Erwin was just getting the last of his thoughts together when he received a surprise visitor.

As Mike showed Charlotte in to his office, he frowned, concerned, still expecting the worst, but she was simply passing off some information and advice if he wanted it.

“You probably already know it sir.”

“Nether the less,” he insisted.

She stated that while there was a lot of fear, the merchant’s guild were keen, if hesitant to show it, to reclaim the lost land. He would find support there if he pushed for it. Glancing down at where her hand used to be, she also suggested they remind the other merchants of what they owe and remind them exactly who would be risking everything.

And to watch out for the priests. The Order of the Walls had been gaining more and more power. She warned not to underestimate them.

Erwin nodded, thanked her for her sage advice but Charlotte just gave a little shrug.

“It’s from Sara.”

Erwin blinked at this, surprised. “Is she coming to the trial?”

Charlotte shook her head. “No sir.”

He thanked Charlotte again and she left quickly to return to her own work and Erwin to his own thoughts.

Sara hadn’t written. But then, neither had he. They hadn’t seen each other, not once.

Erwin’s mind flashed with a possibility. ‘The target restraint weapons.’

Despite his expectation of refusal for funds, it had been approved and pushed forward to the engineers for development.

‘Was that her doing?’

He was relieved, in a way, to hear she was doing something, no longer lost to her grief but it troubled him too. He knew she could be acting recklessly, especially if she was gathering information again, as she had before.

Conflicted, Erwin knew, at the very least, he was very grateful that she wouldn’t be there tomorrow, knowing the show that was to come.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

“Anyone with half a brain can work out there’s more going on here,” Gunther said.

“Well they’ve decided not to share with us for now.” Eld shrugged, “What can you do except trust our orders?”

Levi accepted his drink from Petra, sat away from the others but keeping half a ear on the conversation. His subordinates weren’t wrong that things were being kept from them, though even Mike had quietly complained to him that Erwin was still keeping some of his cards close to his chest. Whatever Erwin was thinking, beyond what the senior officers knew of, was likely to be very dangerous.

Levi watched as Eren came to stand with the two men, even now looking wide eyed and mildly awed and Levi took the time to assess him again. Since his placement with them, nearly a month now, he had been doing well, following commands and settling in. Thankfully he truly didn’t seem to be harbouring any lingering resentment towards Levi about his earlier treatment, despite what Levi had over heard from the boy’s friends.

It had taken time for the rest of his squad had accepted him, friendly but he had seen their reservation. To start, Oluo had done his usual, bragging about himself and the team, running his mouth, but at least it had seemed to be a way of inclusion. Petra had warmed to him too, talking freely about this and that.

Their new found comradery was quickly put to the test when Eren accidentally transformed. Standing between the boy and his terrified troops, Levi had never been so glad for Hange's ridiculousness. If she hadn’t intervened with her Titan obsessed nonsense, he wasn’t sure exactly what he would have done.

After he’d had a talk with Eren and they’d all had that discussion, everything settled down again.

‘What a weird ass apology,’ he thought to himself, but the squad had got the point across. It reassured them all and it looked like at least Eren would be ready for the expedition, ready to trust in his teammates.

The others went off to bed, bidding Hange a goodnight as she came in, Eren making an especially quick exit in case she tried to grab him again, Eld going with him, his turn on watch.

It quietly amused Levi. ‘The brat definitely learnt that lesson quickly.’

“There you are!” Hange said turning her attention to him.

“Here I am,” he grumbled in reply. He figured she’d know he’d be just as quick to leave if she was going to irritate him.

“Here, for you.” Hange placed a bag of tea in front of him. “I got on the way back, thought you might like it.”

Curious despite himself, he opened it, stilling as the aroma hit him. Levi glanced at Hange, then away. To anyone else it would have looked like disinterest rather than thankful.

She filled him in on the latest from their superiors. Lots of questions were still being asked but otherwise everything was going as expected. She’d even heard a report from Ness about the new recruits joining them, a couple of which seemed to have great potential.

Everything would be in place when the time came.

“And I... um, I think I saw Sara.” He looked back at her as she shrugged. “From a distance. Rumour has it she’s got it into her head to reopen 12 chimneys. Apparently she’s been talking to Premier Zachly about making it an official facility. More protected that way.”

“Uh huh,” Levi muttered.

“That good, right? She’s... It’s good.” Hange didn’t sound convinced at her own words and he wondered just what had she seen to make her doubt herself.

“Uh huh,” he repeated.

He didn’t know what else to say and Hange had stalled in her prattling so he got up and walked away, taking the tea with him.

He couldn’t think about her now.

Not now.

  
  


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chapter notes 

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/70719612>

Chapter banner/art

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/641488234114908160/show-chapter-archive>


	49. The Sin of Overconfidence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three parts from Hange’s, Erwin’s and Sara’s points of view

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - Sara’s part follows on to the anime’s use of the target restraint weapons which isn’t in the manga.

Later Hange would think she should have known better.

It had been going well. The losses they had incurred had been excessive and awful and...

But they had done it. They had captured the Female Titan.

All their theories and conjecture about the Armour and Colossal Titan and now there was this new monstrosity. In truth she hadn’t been sure if a different one would have attacked, thinking the armoured one would have been the one to come after them.

‘Incredible...’ she thought.‘There was so much we don’t know.’

She looked back up at the Titan’s head, seeing Levi stood atop of it.

‘Time for some answers.’

They had started to work on targeting its wrists to get whoever was in there out when it screamed. That impossibly loud, chest rattling, inhuman noise.

Such a harrowing sound would stay in her nightmares for a long time to come.

Then everything happened too quickly. Despite their best efforts, their prey was devoured by other Titans.

Hange screamed out her frustration.

She wasn’t surprised by Erwin’s call for retreat. They had been overconfident, too ignorant to understand just what they were facing. They would be returning home in disgrace but Hange to a small amount of solace that at least they had gleamed a few more secrets. It wasn’t enough for what they had lost but it was something.

And then Erwin started to speak, finally sharing what he had feared about an enemy hidden in their midst, acknowledging that all their assumptions had been wrong, that the terrifying truth was that they truly knew nothing about the Titan shifters and their capabilities.

As Hange’s mind worked furiously, she hoped at least Eren was safe. She knew his best chance was with Levi’s squad.

They were incredibly able soldiers, well trained under their Captain, their coordinated attacks were second to none.

And they would fight to protect Eren.

Even to the death.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Failure.

More sins.

More deaths added to the tally on his soul.

The fact that Levi and a young recruit had been able to rescue Eren at all was a miracle.

Returning to the Walls, moving back through the city, Erwin tried to block out the shouts of mocking and scorn, trying to turn his attention to future, bleak though it was.

But he had heard Petra’s father speaking to Levi.

Heard the crying families.

Heard the low moans in pain of his injured comrades.

It had been his gamble. And he had lost. He had known the call to capital would come, the summons to finally answer for all his crimes. He wondered if this truly would be the end for the Scout Regiment ...and for Eren.

He knew Hange was thinking hard. As she got off her horse, she was muttering to herself, chewing things over, perhaps thinking of a way to get them out this mess.

For once, he doubted her abilities.

“Erwin.”

Mike caught his attention. Two cadets stood behind him.

‘Mikasa,’ Erwin recalled. ‘And... Armin Arlet.’

Eren’s friends had probably come to seek answers about their future.

But as they started to speak, Erwin mind began to race again.

‘Perhaps,’ he thought, ‘there’s time for one more gamble...’

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sara frowned again at the note in her hand.

The message was clear with its request and instructions.

‘Stohess district... why there?’

Sara couldn’t even conceive what Erwin was thinking. But he had asked, specifically, to ensure she got those target restraint weapons to that city in a days time.

She had already heard the news that everything had gone badly on the expedition. That many, _many_ lives had been lost and call to disband was getting louder and louder. It wouldn’t be long now...

‘So what the hell does he want these for?’

The engineers were similarly confused when she asked for them.

“Maybe it’s for a demonstration?” one asked.

“Perhaps,” Sara replied with a small smile. “Your work should be shown to more people.”

The lead engineer puffed up his chest. “Damn right!” He turned to his workers. “Oli! Russ! Get those 4 ready to go. Lyra! Vince! Go finish up those other ones. Oli, help them when your done.” He turned back to Sara. “We’ll give you what we can... but I have to tell you my Lady, this will be expensive. Rush orders always are.”

Sara nodded, “I know.” She looked over to where the workers were scrambling to follow the commands. “I just hope it’s worth it.”

‘What are you planning Erwin?’ she thought. And she hoped desperately that it would be enough.

  
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Chapter art

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/642490336666648577/show-chapter-archive>

Chapter notes

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/71876400#main>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback adored!


	50. To be weak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the mission in Stohess, Levi is left feeling raw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, so Levi’s reaction here is taken from how he is in Ilse’s notebook OVA when he gets in Hange’s face about putting Oluo in danger. 
> 
> I suppose it’s slightly out of character but what can I say? The guy is in love! He’s hardly going to act normally! 
> 
> His “I hate weaklings” is a quote taken from season 3.

The doctor had left shaking his head.

Levi understood he would be fine if he was careful from now on but using the ODM gear, even briefly, had been a bad idea.

Not that he’d had a choice.

He had been told before that as long as he “behaved himself”, they didn’t expect any long term restrictions in his movements. Walking back through the city had been a stupid thing to do but at the time he hadn’t felt the pain. And when Petra’s father had started talking to him...

His cold rage had left him with the wave of impotence that had followed staring at the crystallised form of the Female Titan, Annie Leonheart. He knew there was no point in holding on to it.

Now he felt empty and raw.

He put Hange’s jacket back on, on his way out. She never wore it for long so it didn’t stink.

He slowly made his way to Erwin’s office to check in, entering without knocking, surprised to find he had company, stopping dead when he realised just who it was.

Sara.

She had turned towards him at the interruption, paused mid sentence.

She was thin, thinner than he’d ever seen her. Her opulent dark dress did nothing but accentuate it. She looked surprised to see him, as surprised as he felt for seeing her.

“Go on,” Erwin said, prompting, when Levi shut the door.

She hesitated, giving Levi a quick once over, frowning a little at his lack of uniform before turning back to Erwin, continuing.

“The backlash is considerable, as you can imagine. Most people are angry. What’s been odd is the reaction from many of the nobles and some of the aristocracy. A lot are furious of course, but some of the inner court? Its like they aren’t worried at all.”

Levi was more than a little shocked at what he was hearing, to now know she had been so active, investigating, and to the extent of the inner court where those bastards plotted and schemed and had the power to get away with _anything_.

He frowned at the two of them. He knew Erwin wouldn’t have ordered this.

Sara glanced again at Levi, lowering her voice. “If even one of your early theories is correct-”

“We’ll have to be very careful with our next steps.”

She nodded. “There looks like a lot of movement in the Police; Section Commanders are being moved between districts, changes in troop movements as well. Despite the decision, there are a lot more voices asking for Eren to be given back to the MPs. I don’t know what you’ll have to do to stop that from happening because they want it to. Sooner rather than later.”

A bell tolled outside and Levi saw her look towards the window. 

“If you get a minute, look through what I’ve left you,” she said, gesturing to the papers on the desk. “I don’t know if it’ll help but it might be better than nothing. At least, perhaps somewhere to start. Now you’ll have to excuse me, I’m expected.”

“I’ll see you out,” Levi said.

Sara headed for the door, but paused, turning back. “If anyone asks, I came here to yell at you.”

Levi thought she was making a joke but he saw Erwin’s nod firmly in reply. “Understood.”

He held the door open for her, still frowning at what he’d seen. They had spoken so formally. There was a coolness, a detachment, between them that had never been there before. It was more like she was simply a soldier reporting in.

He realised with his injury that he was moving slower than usual, that he would be unable to move at a usual pace. He went to speak, to tell her, but that was when he noticed it.

She was limping too.

Looking closely he could see it. The lace on her sleeve mostly hid the bandage on her left hand. The material covering her right forearm was a little bulky, hiding another injury.

‘Had she been there?’ he thought. ‘In Stohess? When it all went to hell?’

“You should stay away for now,” Levi said before he could stop himself, reeling at the possibility she could have been in such danger.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Go back home. Keep your head down for a while. You said it yourself, there’s going to be backlash. Stay away until it calms down.” He made it an order. He knew, even now, in certain circles, she was still just as much as face for the Scout Regiment as Erwin was. Staying away would minimise her risk, at least for now.

She stopped. “I refuse.” 

“Hah?”

Her chin had gone up and she stood still. “I refuse,” she repeated.

In the face of such reckless disobedience, anger surged through him. Levi grabbed Sara’s arm and yanked her along, bringing into a more secluded spot where they couldn’t be overheard. He pulled her round to him, holding tight.

She had flinched in pain but she didn’t fight him, still far too used to physical violence and hiding her pain. She stilled, simply saying, “Let go.” 

He didn’t comply. “You’re going to get yourself killed,” he said, anger seeping into his tone.

“It doesn’t matter.”

He yanked her closer, getting in her face. “Use that head of yours! Even I know the inner court is dangerous.”

Still, Sara remained calm. “So I should do nothing?” She tried to shake his hand off but he only tightened his grip and she winced before levelling a glare at him. “William’s death is on my hands. William’s. And Noah’s. And Henri’s and... all from my _inaction_. I will _burn_ for it, more for that than _anything_ I did to Jacob.” Her tone turned resolute but at the same time it was like she was imploring him to understand. “I have to do _something_.”

“You’re being reckless,” he replied, dismissive of her reasoning. “You’re going to end up dead just because you feeling sorry for yourself.”

He was hurting her. He had reopened a wound and he could feel the tacky blood seeping through the material where he’d grabbed her. But to someone like her, he knew his words could do much more damage. He could be cruel if he had to be, if it meant he could get her thinking.

He would throw it away, that silent, childish, _pathetic_ hope of a “someday” with her, if it meant her being more careful.

He released her. “Do what you want.” He looked away from her, disappointed and cold. “I didn’t think you were that weak.”

Her eyes had widened at his words. She swallowed hard.

“I hate weaklings,” he muttered, a parting blow.

He could tell his words had struck deep as she struggled to straighten up with the same confidence she had before.

But, head up, shoulders straight, Sara replied in a voice full of self disgust, “So do I.”

And moved slowly passed Levi and down the corridor.

Levi watched her go before looking at his hand and at the small red smear that had been left there.

X-x-x-xx-x-x-

“I’m sorry,” Nina said, stirring Sara from her thoughts as she stared out the carriage window.

“Hmm?”

“I’m hurting you,” the girl said, paused in rewrapping the reopened wound.

“You’re not.”

“But... you’re crying.”

Sara touch her face, surprised when her fingers came away wet. She quickly wiped the tears away. She shook herself with an air of annoyance and frustration.

“It’s fine,” she said to Nina, allowing her to continue with her treatment. “I’m fine,” she reassured, though words sounded hollow.

Nina just nodded, thankfully saying nothing and gently continued, allowing Sara the privacy of her own thoughts.

As she watched the scenery pass by, Sara realised just what she was feeling. It wasn’t that she had hoped for anything from Levi or any nonsense like that but rather, despite everything, she still felt... _something_ , a connection to him, whatever it was.

With his parting words, she had felt that shatter within her. It seemed his opinion of her now matched her own.

‘Damn that man,’ she thought, for making feel her like that, for the fact that she still cared so much about what he thought of her. ‘ _Damn him_.’

She took a deep, calming breath. Another. Then another. More. Letting everything just slide away until she felt empty again. Balanced.

Ready.

“I’m finished,” Nina said, gently lowering Sara’s arm.

As she fussed with the sleeve to recover it, Sara watched her with fond eyes.

“Now,” she said, when Nina had finished. “You remember what I told you?”

“Yes Miss. I’m not to eat or drink anything. Speak only when spoken to. Stay at the edges. Keep my eyes and ears open. If your hand touches your ear repeatedly I’m to interrupt, politely.”

“Very good,” Sara smiled, proud. “And if I tap at my left shoulder with my left hand a few times...?”

Nina pleased expression vanished. “I’m to leave immediately, taking Hendrick with me, making sure he leaves.”

Sara softened at her obvious worry. “You don’t have to do this. It’s a den of snakes and, I won’t lie, it is _dangerous_ so please, _please_ don’t feel you _have to_ just-”

“No!” Nina shouted, before calming herself. “No... I just hate that it’s a possibility for you. To be in danger like that. They could do anything to you.”

They had talked about it before at length. Gatherings at Lord Keller’s had a quiet reputation; illicit activities, backhanded deals, affairs, drugs...

One of Sara’s newer friends had admitted she had been approached. Aggressively. And, if they hadn’t been interrupted, she had feared rape. Unattended women were seen as easy prey.

Sara placed a gentle hand on Nina’s face. “Then better they do it to just me.” Still looking to reassure she continued. “And I’m stronger than I look.” She made a fierce face before smiling, winning an answering one from the girl, albeit a weak one.

She held Nina’s hand as they rode on, keeping her steady, keeping herself calm. Sara truly hoped her bravado would last, that no one would see just how weak she felt.

How weak she truly was.

  
  


She wasn’t to know all their preparations would be for naught when they received the terrifying news that Wall Rose had been breached.

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Soundtrack option

Lovers Death by Ursine Vulpine and Annaca 

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPQnu5SIoBs&list=RDyPQnu5SIoBs&start_radio=1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPQnu5SIoBs&list=RDyPQnu5SIoBs&start_radio=1)

  
Chapter art

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/642735413318008832/show-chapter-archive>

Chapter notes 

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634025/chapters/72514245>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap! 50 chapters!


	51. A Change in Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reality of the situation begins to hit Sara.

Panic.

Terror.

Utter despair.

The smell of fear.

Hour after hour became day after day of misery, of anxiety, of the tension as man looked at man with growing suspicion, each preparing to strike, readying to protect their own.

Garrison and Military Police soldiers were everywhere, desperately trying to keep the peace.

With her rank and guard, Sara was able to move a little more freely than most. She had being able to secure most for her workers and some of their families in the Huber estate, after explaining to MP after MP that the spacious property within Wall Sina would be a better place for at least a few more, to help in relieving the overcrowded areas and already stretched thin emergency supplies stored.

She couldn’t understand their perplexity until one soldier bluntly explained that no one else was doing that. No other noble was risking what they had to share with others outside their immediate circle, especially to their lowly workers.

Silently, Sara seethed. It was just like 5 years ago, they were just making the situation worse.

But when they were finally allowed into the Underground City, to search for Nina’s grandmother, she faltered.

So many people.

Too many.

There would be no way to save them.

‘It’s just... not possible...’

Sara’s heart stuttered as she came to realise the true reality of the situation. There was no way to help them all. There was no way to feed them all.

Even if they worked together to start to cultivate the remaining land inside Wall Sina now, it would take time.

Time the people here didn’t have.

If they couldn’t secure Wall Rose, humanity was done for. And not from being eaten by Titans.

‘People killing people...’

She hadn’t realised she had stopped dead until Hendrick nudged her to hurry her along.

“Please keep moving.”

She let him take her arm, his hand pushing against her back as she struggled to keep up. She looked from face to face as they made their way through, quickly losing count of how many she saw.

The MPs escorting them led them to a group congregated together against a building.

“She should be in this area.”

They started to move through the people, the MPs making a show of their rifles to get the others to back up and give them room.

“Schreiber?” The leading MP called. “Anja Schreiber?”

They kept looking, moving and calling until an older woman wrapped in a blanket looked up, face breaking into relief as she noticed Nina.

“Oh thank God!” Nina rushed forward and they embraced, holding tight in their consolation.

“Let’s go.” The MPs were quick to get them moving again, having secured their prize, making for a controlled check point that led back to the surface.

“It’s been awful, just awful. I... I don’t know how anyone can live down here,” Anja muttered to Nina, clinging to the young woman.

Again Sara’s eyes darted around, this time seeing past the refugees.

It was so dim, so dirty and some of the buildings seemed to be falling apart, rotten wood holding up lean-tos and pieces of stitched together material that had become people’s homes.

They had so little.

And not even an open sky above them.

Even the air was stale and pungent.

She caught sight of two children huddled together. A brother and sister perhaps. They were so small, they could no more than 9 and 6 respectively, nothing but skin and bones. They were filthy, wearing little more than rags and they were terrified. They stared with nervous eyes at the guns, shrinking back even further against a wall as the MPs sweeping gaze went over them.

Sara felt a consuming wave of pity but then the boy, noticing how frightened his younger sister was, stroked a soothing hand over her matted hair, holding her tighter, reassuring her with a gentle smile. It was a simple gesture but the bravery in it rocked Sara.

She wouldn’t forget that sight for as long as lived.

‘How strong did they have to be to survive here?’ she thought.

She was careful to keep up this time, noticing a group of men with hardened pale faces take interest as they hurried past but still Sara kept her eyes open, truly seeing the people who lived here, so markedly different from the refugees.

They were survivors. They knew what it was to have to scratch and claw through the day to make to the next.

If it came down to a fight, they would win. Even against the armed MPs.

As they began to ascend to the surface, Sara took one last look around and a sudden thought came to her unbidden.

‘No wonder Levi is so strong.’

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chapter mood board 

<https://bluelonelyrainmaker.tumblr.com/post/644547030522462208/show-chapter-archive>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this one was tricky to write!


End file.
